Comment from royowen

Excellent

A really good entry in this share as story in a poem, this is a comprehensively well written and entertaining read, the work romps along in delightfully even meter, adjusting every now and then for a change of pace, the rhyming is great and story is sweetly progressive, there's a few children's type poems in this comp. This is excellently written Steve, well done, good luck, blessings, Roy

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 Comment Written 23-May-2016

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reply by the author on 23-May-2016

Roy, thank you very much for the thoughtful review.

Steve

reply by royowen on 23-May-2016

Most welcome

Comment from DonandVicki

Excellent

A poetic story that should do very well with children, especially the well thought out rhyme. A good choice on the art work as well, it complements your qwork.

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 Comment Written 23-May-2016

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reply by the author on 23-May-2016

Thank you for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Exceptional

Has to be a six for a lot of reasons.
The flow is excellent and like a sing/song read making it fun for all ages.
The rhyme is exceptional, ie.venture he, century..a minute, are in it.
The story line is exceptional and cute for kids. now scary for adults.lol
Very descriptive for the imagination.

 Comment Written 22-May-2016

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reply by the author on 23-May-2016

Thanks, Barb.

Yes, I did think of darkening the tone a little with a scarier dragon, but in the end he just wanted to be lovable!

Steve

Comment from rama devi

Exceptional

What a well penned, charming tale of a sweet-eating dragon. Superb rhymes, superb alliteration, masterful meter and a great 'storytelling style' you excel at! An entertaining and enjoyable read. I enjoyed your inventive rhyming and rhythmic phrasing, especially these lines:


The feeling is thrilling, triumphant, tremendous.

and

Silken and silvery, shimmery, shinery.


Fun rhymes:

Magog the Magician's all freshly new-fangled;
His robe's made of rainbows, his hat is bespangled.


"holding a meeting", eh? Ahem! :-) *wink*


Great descriptive: dinner-plate scales


What a creative slant rhyme:

That dragon's just starving, I'm willing to venture he
Hasn't been fed since the fourth or fifth century."

Just two small suggestions:

*
"Now(,) I have a friend at the High Tease Cafe,

High tease...ha ha ha

*
Young Hilda is summoned,(;) she summons her crew.

This would make a fine children's book, my friend. Why not submit it for a seal along with your other story poems...

Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 22-May-2016

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reply by the author on 23-May-2016

Thanks, Rama.

This is actually the sixth in the Gobbledegooks series, and I reckon another one or two will see Rupert and Hilda married off. I think a royal wedding would make a suitably glittering occasion to close the book on these characters. Perhaps then I will start thinking about publication. I did submit the earlier poems to a publisher last year, with no success - I think the rejection said that picture books were for smaller children and that the language would be too difficult for them. However, I would obviously like to try again soon...

I am very pleased to wring another precious six out of you, and I will definitely go back to check those little errors. I ended up in a big rush to meet the deadline (usual for me!) and it was not edited as carefully as it should have been.

Thanks once again.

Steve

reply by rama devi on 23-May-2016

Ive been enjoying your series--the ones that I read. I believe it's important to have simple language for children but also to introduce them to new words!

Thanks for letting me know you made edits too--and for your gracious response, as always.

Warm smiles, rd

Comment from w.j.debi

Exceptional

What a delightful story poem. Now look at all the maidens and knights that could have been saved throughout the centuries if everyone had played nice and just fed the hungry dragon when he woke. Crisis averted, everyone safe, and a contented dragon goes back to sleep. I loved it.
Your narrative is logically presented, the rhyme and meter flow naturally which allows the reader to get caught up in the story.

Well done and best of luck in th contest.

 Comment Written 22-May-2016

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reply by the author on 23-May-2016

Thank you.

Yes, I had to think carefully about just how fierce or otherwise I was going to make this dragon! In the end, he was a bit soppy, I suppose!

I appreciate the thoughtful comments and the six lovely stars.

Steve