Steve's Poems for Kids
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Annabel"A collection of my children's poems
93 total reviews
Comment from Spitfire
I like the different format of narration followed by a question to involve the reader. Stanza five with its use of red,white, and blue made me connect her toys to the American Dream. I'm not sure the ending is realistic. Do you know of any overweight people on such a diet who live that long. I'd like to see her grow fat and dying, but insisting on a gold coffin or something like that.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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I like the different format of narration followed by a question to involve the reader. Stanza five with its use of red,white, and blue made me connect her toys to the American Dream. I'm not sure the ending is realistic. Do you know of any overweight people on such a diet who live that long. I'd like to see her grow fat and dying, but insisting on a gold coffin or something like that.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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You wanted a realistic ending for a girl who had a separate house with a loo just for her dolls? I did like your idea about demanding an opulent coffin, though.
Steve
Comment from Curtis Hatch
This is a charming children's poem. Annabel had a situation many of us would like to have as adults; however, I suspect she was one more spoiled little girl. Curtis
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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This is a charming children's poem. Annabel had a situation many of us would like to have as adults; however, I suspect she was one more spoiled little girl. Curtis
Comment Written 24-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Ah, but unlike the others in this contest she wasn't a brat. I kept thinking of the comic book character Richy Rich...
Steve
Comment from GWHARGIS
Cute poem. I like that you brought the reader into the poem. It had good rhythm and the flow was great. Annabel really didn't seem too unbearable just damn lucky. Until the end that is.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Cute poem. I like that you brought the reader into the poem. It had good rhythm and the flow was great. Annabel really didn't seem too unbearable just damn lucky. Until the end that is.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Thank you - you're right, she wasn't a brat and nobody ever said no, so she had no cause for tantrums!
Steve
Comment from TammyGail
kiwisteveh ever cute and indeed made for a great read keeping my eye throughout the read - bright bursting color scheme and kittenish imagery swaddling your ink - best of luck and thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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kiwisteveh ever cute and indeed made for a great read keeping my eye throughout the read - bright bursting color scheme and kittenish imagery swaddling your ink - best of luck and thanks for sharing
Comment Written 24-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Thank you, TG - contest is done and dusted with no glory for Annabel, unfortunately - but then she did get all the cake!
Steve
Comment from Bloomer Burbs
Hi kiwisteveh
Wow, what a very clever and unique poem.
It was simply a joy to read. Some clever alliteration throughout and some excellent rhyming.
This could be the first of many tales about your character?
Regards, Pete
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Hi kiwisteveh
Wow, what a very clever and unique poem.
It was simply a joy to read. Some clever alliteration throughout and some excellent rhyming.
This could be the first of many tales about your character?
Regards, Pete
Comment Written 24-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Thanks, Pete - nice idea to serialise young Annabel
Steve
Comment from Carole Rosa
Kiwisteveh, This poem is just absolutely darling. The rhythm was musical. I felt like dancing and skipping along as I read it. Sooooo sweet. Carole
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Kiwisteveh, This poem is just absolutely darling. The rhythm was musical. I felt like dancing and skipping along as I read it. Sooooo sweet. Carole
Comment Written 24-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Carole, thanks for the great review - funny thing is I can write rhythmical poems but I don't have a musical bone in my body!
Steve
Comment from Titanx9
I like your tale of Annabel, because there are many, too many, children who are just like Annabel today. You captured a mood and a tone in this one that ignites the imagination. You did an excellent job with rhyming and cadence. I like the fourth line of each stanza as each brings the reader into the story. Good luck!
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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I like your tale of Annabel, because there are many, too many, children who are just like Annabel today. You captured a mood and a tone in this one that ignites the imagination. You did an excellent job with rhyming and cadence. I like the fourth line of each stanza as each brings the reader into the story. Good luck!
Comment Written 24-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Thank you - contest is done and dusted with no glory for Annabel, unfortunately - but then she did get all the cake!
Steve
Comment from Joy Graham
I like the pink airplane bike. That's really cute. Your Annabel doesn't have the temper tantrums the other spoilt brat entries have. I like that. A rich kid that has everything and no tantrums. Best wishes to you in this contest :)
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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I like the pink airplane bike. That's really cute. Your Annabel doesn't have the temper tantrums the other spoilt brat entries have. I like that. A rich kid that has everything and no tantrums. Best wishes to you in this contest :)
Comment Written 24-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Thanks, Joy.
No need for tantrums when nobody ever says no to you!
Contest is done and dusted with no glory for Annabel, unfortunately - but then she did get all the cake!
Steve
Comment from Charlene0513
A girl with all the gizmos to fill and pamper her to her heart's content but never realizing that gifts are from God as well as your body needs exerise to help healthy.
Good use of many areas of alliteration.
Charlene
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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A girl with all the gizmos to fill and pamper her to her heart's content but never realizing that gifts are from God as well as your body needs exerise to help healthy.
Good use of many areas of alliteration.
Charlene
Comment Written 24-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Thanks, Charlene.
Steve
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
This is a nice twist on the contest theme... a spoilt kid that ended up living a long happy spoilt life. Just isn't appropriate for kids, IMO.. teaches the wrong lesson. But it's cute for adults... I sure enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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This is a nice twist on the contest theme... a spoilt kid that ended up living a long happy spoilt life. Just isn't appropriate for kids, IMO.. teaches the wrong lesson. But it's cute for adults... I sure enjoyed it.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Thanks, Phyllis - I am of the opinion that not every poem or story needs to teach a lesson - I would probably cite Roald dahl as a great example of this in practice.
Steve
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Good point, and I do like Dahl!