Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "Part three, Chapter 8"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
87 total reviews
Comment from stanishmichelle
I knew Anna was badly beaten, but after seeing the crime scene for myself through your awesome writing, I am shocked! Even Bobby's lawyer was rendered speechless. he now knows what a scumbag his client is. Anna was more than fair in dividing the assets.
I see who Bobby inherited his abusive manner from. Mommy dearest! His father seems to realize what occurred based on his reactions to the evidence seen. This is a wonderfully descriptive story which I found interesting.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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I knew Anna was badly beaten, but after seeing the crime scene for myself through your awesome writing, I am shocked! Even Bobby's lawyer was rendered speechless. he now knows what a scumbag his client is. Anna was more than fair in dividing the assets.
I see who Bobby inherited his abusive manner from. Mommy dearest! His father seems to realize what occurred based on his reactions to the evidence seen. This is a wonderfully descriptive story which I found interesting.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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Thank you for the kind review and support.
Comment from rchitwood
OH! You should not leave me up in the air after I get mad at Bobby's stupid Mother.Your story as always is very good.
It has good dialogue and characters.Very creative and I would recommend this to others.Blessings Rita
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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OH! You should not leave me up in the air after I get mad at Bobby's stupid Mother.Your story as always is very good.
It has good dialogue and characters.Very creative and I would recommend this to others.Blessings Rita
Comment Written 10-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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Thank you for the kind review and words.
Comment from Queenise
Honey, you sure did get the mom right to the teeth. Why do some of us have to live in denial? Great chapter. Good imagery,flow,pace and the emotions that went through me as you so eloquently and thoroughly described each stain and indentation. Amazing,Barbara. Blessings. Looking forward to the next chapter. Queenise
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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Honey, you sure did get the mom right to the teeth. Why do some of us have to live in denial? Great chapter. Good imagery,flow,pace and the emotions that went through me as you so eloquently and thoroughly described each stain and indentation. Amazing,Barbara. Blessings. Looking forward to the next chapter. Queenise
Comment Written 10-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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I actually knew someone who resembled this mother. Thank you for the kind review.
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I actually knew someone who resembled this mother. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from barfy
Well... I've read your work before... Liked it... Technically fine and vivid too... You're a good writer. Is there more of this to come...? Cheers
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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Well... I've read your work before... Liked it... Technically fine and vivid too... You're a good writer. Is there more of this to come...? Cheers
Comment Written 10-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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There's a lot more to come. I am not even half way done with the novel. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from *erin*
Loved this chapter. Once again I loved the characters, and I felt I could connect with them very easily. The story is very moving and easy to get involved in. Great writing.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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Loved this chapter. Once again I loved the characters, and I felt I could connect with them very easily. The story is very moving and easy to get involved in. Great writing.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from axelbeariter
At the end of the entryway was the living room./Re-write: The entryway was at the end of the living room.----She bent, gathered them, and shoved them inside./Add the bag after inside.---- Anna watched a few moments then said/Put a comma after moments----She set the items she wanted on the counter./Use put for the second set.---- them."/remove quotation mark----He walked in kitchen,/in should read into----Another great piece of vivid writing.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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At the end of the entryway was the living room./Re-write: The entryway was at the end of the living room.----She bent, gathered them, and shoved them inside./Add the bag after inside.---- Anna watched a few moments then said/Put a comma after moments----She set the items she wanted on the counter./Use put for the second set.---- them."/remove quotation mark----He walked in kitchen,/in should read into----Another great piece of vivid writing.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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A few reviewers and I are in the middle of a discussion on into. I was taught into should only be used if one is physically stepping into something like a bathtub. We're about ready to change it to in to. Thank you for the kind review. I will correct the rest.
Comment from mumsyone
Glad to see that Bobby's attorney (and maybe even his dad) are beginning to see the light. Your characterization of the mother-in-law is good.
so Michael wouldn't cry and wakeup (wake up) Bobby
He walked in (into the) kitchen, stopped, and knelt,
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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Glad to see that Bobby's attorney (and maybe even his dad) are beginning to see the light. Your characterization of the mother-in-law is good.
so Michael wouldn't cry and wakeup (wake up) Bobby
He walked in (into the) kitchen, stopped, and knelt,
Comment Written 10-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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I just did research and found out wake-up is correct. I will change it. I am still working on in or into or in to. I was taught in school only to use into if you were physically stepping into something, for instance a bathtub. I am researching it. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sefiros
Oh Bobby's mother is going to be a problem. Only two or three sentences and I hate her already. You can achieve a lot with a little, and Mrs. Rodgers' dialogue is perfect. Good job.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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Oh Bobby's mother is going to be a problem. Only two or three sentences and I hate her already. You can achieve a lot with a little, and Mrs. Rodgers' dialogue is perfect. Good job.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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If I did a good job and you hated a character in only a few sentences, why did I get a four? I don't know what to correct to get a five. Thank you for the review.
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Barbara ....
I suppose this sort of thing really happens when parents refuse to see the evil that is in their children
despite the evidence that is right in front of their eyes.
There are just two small changes to suggest ...
* You have - indention in the wall ... I suggest -
indent in the wall ....
* You have - We better follow them ... I suggest - We had better follow them ...
I look forward to your next chapter.
Love from ...... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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Hullo Barbara ....
I suppose this sort of thing really happens when parents refuse to see the evil that is in their children
despite the evidence that is right in front of their eyes.
There are just two small changes to suggest ...
* You have - indention in the wall ... I suggest -
indent in the wall ....
* You have - We better follow them ... I suggest - We had better follow them ...
I look forward to your next chapter.
Love from ...... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. I will check out those areas.
Comment from Belinda
Phew ... just as everything clears up, here comes mother-in-law. I wonder what influence she has on this matter. You've described how things do not run as smoothly as Anna and friends would have them to be. Interesting chapter. (I'm glad you enjoyed your holidays.)
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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Phew ... just as everything clears up, here comes mother-in-law. I wonder what influence she has on this matter. You've described how things do not run as smoothly as Anna and friends would have them to be. Interesting chapter. (I'm glad you enjoyed your holidays.)
Comment Written 10-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
