Little Billy
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "The Challenge."memiors from my life experiences.
97 total reviews
Comment from dportwood
keimosobie,
How incredibly lucky you were that the waves worked in your favor and that you were able to take advantage of them. Exciting story - hard to put down.
This sentence is a little awkward - needs punctuation or made into two sentences.
"You can't imagine the terror I felt the fear and dread that coursed through my tired body".
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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keimosobie,
How incredibly lucky you were that the waves worked in your favor and that you were able to take advantage of them. Exciting story - hard to put down.
This sentence is a little awkward - needs punctuation or made into two sentences.
"You can't imagine the terror I felt the fear and dread that coursed through my tired body".
Comment Written 22-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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thank you for your comments and takinfg the time to read my story.
Comment from richard7
Very well written and a bit gripping too.
Having been body surfing lots and being crashed by wwaves the feeling is clear as a bell glad you both passed the test.
Glad you found the strength in you both ways to pass too.
Very nice picture.
Great depth of how vast the ocean is.
Thanks.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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Very well written and a bit gripping too.
Having been body surfing lots and being crashed by wwaves the feeling is clear as a bell glad you both passed the test.
Glad you found the strength in you both ways to pass too.
Very nice picture.
Great depth of how vast the ocean is.
Thanks.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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thank you for your comments and takinfg the time to read my story.
Comment from bhogg
I liked this and it appears to be edited well, so no areas to revisit. As a critique, I would say that the metaphor of a beautiful woman just didn't work. You did a great job of explaining the strength of the sea, and to me, the metaphor weakened and took your attention away. Almost like an aside. Another small critique - use larger font size so old farts like me can read. Regards, Bill
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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I liked this and it appears to be edited well, so no areas to revisit. As a critique, I would say that the metaphor of a beautiful woman just didn't work. You did a great job of explaining the strength of the sea, and to me, the metaphor weakened and took your attention away. Almost like an aside. Another small critique - use larger font size so old farts like me can read. Regards, Bill
Comment Written 22-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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thank you for your comments and takinfg the time to read my story.
Comment from chells36
This is a very passionate storyline and it just reiterates the saying be careful what you wish for
I go into the sea and talk to king Neptune and say empower me king Neptune wash the waves over me
It really embarrasses my kids LOL its great
Thanks xx
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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This is a very passionate storyline and it just reiterates the saying be careful what you wish for
I go into the sea and talk to king Neptune and say empower me king Neptune wash the waves over me
It really embarrasses my kids LOL its great
Thanks xx
Comment Written 22-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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thank you for your comments and takinfg the time to read my story.
Comment from annettebda
It must be difficult a keep a story with so much action in it from getting confusing to the reader.You have shown great skill in keeping the events organized and easy to follow.
I enjoyed the story.
Annette
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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It must be difficult a keep a story with so much action in it from getting confusing to the reader.You have shown great skill in keeping the events organized and easy to follow.
I enjoyed the story.
Annette
Comment Written 22-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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thank you for your comments and takinfg the time to read my story.
Comment from FredCollingwood
Great story and very well written. I felt like I was out there. I noticed a number of punctuation issues you might take a look at, but otherwise well done.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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Great story and very well written. I felt like I was out there. I noticed a number of punctuation issues you might take a look at, but otherwise well done.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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thank you for your comments and takinfg the time to read my story.
Comment from RKagan
I see by your author notes that this story is true. Wow! You must have been terrified. Especially with the little girl depending on you. This is a riviting tale! great job.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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I see by your author notes that this story is true. Wow! You must have been terrified. Especially with the little girl depending on you. This is a riviting tale! great job.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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thank you for your comments and takinfg the time to read my story.
Comment from huiqi
hmmm.... I like the picture that you've set in my head, horrific but hey, it's life or death. The moral of the story is quite good, never challenge the devil. When you were talking about the waves being seductive it kinda creeped me out... No trying to say romance with the sea is bad(it is beautiful and monstrous) I didn't quite get the turmoil, and anger, mixed with power, and exhilaration part... I was very engrossed with the story though
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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hmmm.... I like the picture that you've set in my head, horrific but hey, it's life or death. The moral of the story is quite good, never challenge the devil. When you were talking about the waves being seductive it kinda creeped me out... No trying to say romance with the sea is bad(it is beautiful and monstrous) I didn't quite get the turmoil, and anger, mixed with power, and exhilaration part... I was very engrossed with the story though
Comment Written 22-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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thank you for your comments and takinfg the time to read my story.
Comment from dave d yes its me
what a wonderful story of overcomig the the wares and you challenge to satan.
you looked in straight inthe eyes and beat him off.
thank goodness that you and the lord prvailed. well written
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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what a wonderful story of overcomig the the wares and you challenge to satan.
you looked in straight inthe eyes and beat him off.
thank goodness that you and the lord prvailed. well written
Comment Written 22-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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thank you for your comments and takinfg the time to read my story.
Comment from Rama Rao
An excellent account of your ordeal at sea. It was well written and made engrossing read. However, I wish you had not brought Satan and religion into it. If you don't mind my saying so you have not been prudent. Watching the fury of the sea you ventured out into the sea. OK, you were lucky the first day, but you stretched your luck the second day by going again and worse, you took your young daughter knowing full well you were putting her life at risk.
You lived to tell us the tale purely by luck.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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An excellent account of your ordeal at sea. It was well written and made engrossing read. However, I wish you had not brought Satan and religion into it. If you don't mind my saying so you have not been prudent. Watching the fury of the sea you ventured out into the sea. OK, you were lucky the first day, but you stretched your luck the second day by going again and worse, you took your young daughter knowing full well you were putting her life at risk.
You lived to tell us the tale purely by luck.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
-
thank you for your comments and takinfg the time to read my story.