Comment from Patrick G Cox

Exceptional

Hi Barbara,

Nice dramatic ending to this story, great climax and a good 'save' by the team, just in the nick of time.

Its been a great read all the way through, very well done indeed.

Patrick

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2010

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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010

Thank you for your kind words. I was worried about the gun fight since I hate guns. I was worried my dislike for them would come out.

Comment from laurelp

Excellent

Nicely done. I'm a little doubtful that a sniper can do all that damage without anyone ducking out of the way or something but as a whole, the book it was very well done. I'm sorry it's over. Thank you for a fun read.

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2010

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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010

A really good sniper can do that and more. These men are extremely highly trained and part of an elite secret government agency. Thank you for your kind review.

reply by laurelp on 12-Jun-2010

thanks for the info...I won't ask how you know this. ;-)

Comment from Dave M

Exceptional

Barbara,

The six-star review is for your entire book as well as this chapter. And good luck with your surgery.

I enjoyed this read and have several suggestions:

"You're {a} young and cocky. Mistakes can happen." The "a" should come out.

Steven aimed his SIG Sauer 9mm at Carlos. "I want [to] solve this peacefully."

Steven held her. "I'm fine, but Carlos isn't doing to [too] well."

Dave

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2010

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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010

I have made the corrections. Thank you so much for following me through with this. I appreciate your support.

Comment from essence56

Exceptional

Excellent ending, excellent novel. I loved every bit of it and found it to flow so easy and smooth. Excellent writer. I am so happy about the ending. Finally, the two are together. The ending kept me completely on edge. Thanks for finishing before surgery. Good luck hope all goes well. Bless you. Mp flaws

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2010

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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010

Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your support.

Comment from Janine Ellis-Fynn

Excellent

I enjoyed reading this exciting, fast paced and suspense filled chapter about drug lords and their antics. Good descriptions and dialogue. Couldn't find any spags. Good job!

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2010

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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010

Thank you for your kind review.

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

thank you for writing this chapter tonight. i will miss this--sniff sniff. i enjoyed reading your story very much and look forward to the next one. i pray your surgery goes well

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2010

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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010

Thank you for your prayers. I appreciate them. Thank you for your kind review.

Comment from Harrisa

Excellent

This was a good ending to your story. With Carlos out of the way, Leya and Steven can live together in peace. I enjoyed reading your entire book.

I will pray your sugery goes well.

 Comment Written 08-Jun-2010

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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010

Thank you for your well wishes and for the review.

Comment from Arkine

Excellent

Congrads on finishing! Didn't expect this to be the last chapter, but I think it leaves in a good spot. Let's the readers imagination fill in the blanks as to the rest of their lives. ;) Just two things I caught:

You're (a) young and cocky. - maybe remove the 'a'.

Leya trembled. Steven put an arm around her, to comfort her, but kept his attention on what could be coming through the door. He heard loud footsteps running toward the door and pushed Leya behind him, hoping to protect her as much as possible. - 'the door' is a bit repetative. I'd suggest revising.

 Comment Written 08-Jun-2010

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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010

I have already corrected the extra 'a' and will recheck the other area. Thank you for your eagle eyes.

Comment from Rama Rao

Excellent

I was delighted to read the whole chapter except for two words THE END. Why did you close it so abruptly? Perhaps the tendons were troubling you.
I was one of the many following your story throughout.
I've no hesitation to say you would find a publisher for this, and this book would soon be on the shelves of book stores.
Here is a word of advice. The best market for books right now is India. That is where the mega bucks lie. Today the educated middle class of my country is more than the population of the USA. The number is increrasing every year.
i rec you get an agent or publisher who has links with or a branch in my country. The volume of sales will be very high.
For Indians, it is difficult to get books from amazon.com as the shipping charges will be more than the cost of the book. When the book is available in India, I'll be one of the first to buy it.
I also suggest visiting India to promote your book and go on a book signing spree. Work it out with your agent or publisher. I'm sure there is a pot of gold and name and fame are waiting for you in some city like Mumbai or Chennai formerly known as Madras.
I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK.

 Comment Written 08-Jun-2010

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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010

Thank you for following my novel. I hope you will follow my next one. I always appreciate hearing from you. I will take your advice. I feel once Leya and Steven are together, that's all that needs to be said. In my next novel, you will hear that Leya is pregnant with twins.

Comment from Ted T

Good

Hi Barbara :)

I hope the surgery went well and that you're as comfortable as you can be.

The ending chapter is good, but needs some revising.

[Steven is already looking for me.] this thought line and the one below are a bit "melodramatic] But then, the novel is a romance. It puts me in mind of an old, corny, B&W movie with the damsel tied to the railroad tracks.

[It's Steven's team. Soon they'll rescue me.]

["You're a young and cocky.] You seem to have left out a word.

[Filling the door frame stood Carlos.] You're slipping in those "ing" words again. Recast the line -- [Carlos filled the door frame.]

["I want solve this peacefully."] Something missing here.

[The whiz of Carlos' bullet] Repeating whiz too close together.

[They heard the whiz of a sniper rifle.]

You're repeating names again way too often.

Considering all the reviews I've given you, none of these "nits" should have been made.

Good luck with finding an agent.

Ted

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 08-Jun-2010

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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010

I had reread this about four times and thought I had it all cleared. I guess I rushed too much to get it posted before my surgery. I am off to make the corrections.

reply by Ted T on 09-Jun-2010

Hi Barbara :)

I hope you're feeling okay. Stuck in bed is no fun.

Your book is done. Try not to make the same errors in the next one.

Ted

reply by Ted T on 09-Jun-2010

Hi Barbara :)

Norma (nor84) tells me you're still confused about the "ing" thing. She says there's a lady who insists "ing" words are acceptable. I never told you they weren't. However using them at the beginning of a sentence to show an action is "passive" writing. Example: Crossing the room, John said, etc. is weak. I've addressed this issue with you many times. You should understand it by now. Using "ing" words elsewhere is, of course, acceptable. Example: Paul kept reaching for the gun, etc. The same goes for the words: "as" - "was" and the "Ly" words. They all have their place, but not to indicate an action. Examples: Being a democrat, Tom voted for,etc. It should be: A true democrat, Tom voted for, etc.

You're a teacher, Barbara, errors like those should not be in your writing.

This lady who is telling you "ing" words are okay may mean what I've just explained. If she means opening a sentence, she's wrong.

Same goes for the "as" word at the start of an action. Example: As Richard reached for his drink he stumbled. Should be: Richard reached for his drink and stumbled. Each of my examples are stronger and it should be obvious.

When you promote your work for as long as you do, you're going to get a ton of off the wall input from reviewers who don't know what the hell they're talking about. That's bound to create confusion. Consider the source of every review -- who are they? What expertise do they have?

Norma and I are reliable, but not perfect.

Ted

reply by the author on 10-Jun-2010

I am sorry I have disappointed you. I am honestly trying.

reply by Ted T on 10-Jun-2010

Hi Barbara :)

A little disappointed yes. We all make mistakes, I have a problem with hyphens and comma usage and Norma catches them. Those are not major errors. A professional editor from a publishing house will have no problem with a fix. She would however, get on my case with the kind of "nits" you don't catch. I've been guilty of repeated names and words several times. I've learned to scan every page with a sharp eye and revise before I move on. I've reached the point now where I catch the errors as I write.

Who ever said writing was easy?

Ted

reply by the author on 10-Jun-2010

I understand writing isn't easy and I read over this post 6 times trying to catch all the errors. I have been gigged for using too many pronouns so I try to mix them up. I guess I didn't do a very good job. I will continue to work on the 'ing' endings. I have also been gigged for not varying the beginning of my sentences. I will do my best no to disappoint you with my next post.

reply by Ted T on 10-Jun-2010

Hi :)

I've explained the "ing" thing enough. It should jump out at you by now. I haven't noticed repeated sentence openings. In any case, why would you write two sentences that open the same way?

I believe you're writing in your head faster than you type which will cause you to stumble. Take more time to compose each page and don't rush to get it posted. Your readers can wait.

You're getting feedback overload and a lot of it has to be worthless. You've been getting "fivers" and "sixers" for work that needs revision. Unfortunately, that problem is rampant throughout the community. Norma and I were talking about that very issue just this afternoon. Both of us have decided to pass on reviewing bad writing. She and I have been asked to mentor different members. I took a look at the work of the member who asked for my help and turned her down on the basis of her fist "hopeless" chapter. Before I responded I asked her not to post her second chapter until I critiqued the first. She posted it anyway. It was just as poorly written. If I'm going to mentor someone, they have to follow my instructions. Just as I predicted, both terrible chapters had excellent reviews.

Norma agrees with me, it's time to get tough with reviewing. I'm considering a lecture on the subject.

Ted

reply by the author on 10-Jun-2010

I respect both of your writings and I hope you understand that I am honestly trying and wanting to learn.