Selfish
You can't have it all87 total reviews
Comment from JeffreyStone
Bob:
Compelling and devastating. Your writing is crisp and right on target. Your narrative is very professional. A reallly enjoyable read. Great work. (The editor played some trickes with spacing in at least one place.)
Travis
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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Bob:
Compelling and devastating. Your writing is crisp and right on target. Your narrative is very professional. A reallly enjoyable read. Great work. (The editor played some trickes with spacing in at least one place.)
Travis
Comment Written 13-May-2010
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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Thank you, Jeffrey. Coming froma writer of your caliber, I am encouraged indeed. Bob
Comment from cherry_rose
Hi Bob,
Your characters come to life through your descriptions and their words. I can almost hear the voices of Candy and Juan as I read this story. Well done...hope the ringing doorbell means justice is served to Juan.
cherry_
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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Hi Bob,
Your characters come to life through your descriptions and their words. I can almost hear the voices of Candy and Juan as I read this story. Well done...hope the ringing doorbell means justice is served to Juan.
cherry_
Comment Written 13-May-2010
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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Thank you, cherry. You are too kind....Bob
Comment from sgalletti
Whoaaa...Read this from beginning to end. Ramirez was one tough selfish son of a bitch! Bloody ending to Candy, but then she was no saint herself. Can't wait to find out who rang the bell...Loved the play on words, humor and wit in this piece. I don't often read prose this long...but you captured me. Sue
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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Whoaaa...Read this from beginning to end. Ramirez was one tough selfish son of a bitch! Bloody ending to Candy, but then she was no saint herself. Can't wait to find out who rang the bell...Loved the play on words, humor and wit in this piece. I don't often read prose this long...but you captured me. Sue
Comment Written 13-May-2010
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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Well, thank you, Sue. I appreciate your review very much...sincerely....Bob
Comment from pearlecat
Very good ! Strong , easy to visualize characters and Ramirez is very believable. I think you did an excellent job. Pearl
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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Very good ! Strong , easy to visualize characters and Ramirez is very believable. I think you did an excellent job. Pearl
Comment Written 13-May-2010
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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Thank you, Pearl...Glad you liked this....Bob
Comment from fictionwriter
Well nothing like being caught red handed, literally. Seems like there is nothing this guy couldn't do, except maybe go to prison. Great job.
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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Well nothing like being caught red handed, literally. Seems like there is nothing this guy couldn't do, except maybe go to prison. Great job.
Comment Written 13-May-2010
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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Thank you, Fw...I appreciate you taking the time with my work....Bob
Comment from Shirley McLain
Great story and full of action. It kept me reading all the way through and left me wanting more. Your characters were strong and realistic and your writing made it very easy for me to picture what happened. Good job.
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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Great story and full of action. It kept me reading all the way through and left me wanting more. Your characters were strong and realistic and your writing made it very easy for me to picture what happened. Good job.
Comment Written 13-May-2010
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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Thank you, shirley. I appreciate this...Bob
Comment from Connie P
Wow! Fast paced and way cool. I loved the story even though the ending was gruesome and left him presumably getting away with murder. Clearwater is a nice place ...
LOL, he'll miss that I guess.
Connie
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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Wow! Fast paced and way cool. I loved the story even though the ending was gruesome and left him presumably getting away with murder. Clearwater is a nice place ...
Connie
Comment Written 13-May-2010
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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Thank you, Connie...I always appreciate your vote of confidence in mywrites...Bob
Comment from Annmuma
Excellent work! This would be a book I could not put down. The scene is set so well, the characters perfectly described and the plot one that intrigues. Good job. ann
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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Excellent work! This would be a book I could not put down. The scene is set so well, the characters perfectly described and the plot one that intrigues. Good job. ann
Comment Written 13-May-2010
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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Thank you, Ann...I appreciate you taking the time and your comments as usual...Bob
Comment from lola29
I think you just showed us the evil in paradise--Ramirez. Not much substance to him at all--all wild animal with money. Too bad Candy had to die, but I'm sure he couldn't/wouldn't tolerate a woman who thought for herself. This is a terrific entry.
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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I think you just showed us the evil in paradise--Ramirez. Not much substance to him at all--all wild animal with money. Too bad Candy had to die, but I'm sure he couldn't/wouldn't tolerate a woman who thought for herself. This is a terrific entry.
Comment Written 13-May-2010
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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Thanks a lot, Lola....I appreciate that and your review of course....Bob
Comment from Sally Carter
Pacy and exciting, though not particularly my style. But that's neither here nor there!
I liked your humour, eg the brains of an oyster and Candy's housekeeping abilities. Also the "cooking" joke.
Superb description of Ramirez's appearance.
I have to admit I did not find this opening chapter quite as engaging as I usually your work Bob. I really don't like giving less than 5, but will pay you the respect of being honest.
For me the character of Ramirez was somewhat unconvincing, with a rather strange mix of characteristics.
There were a few places which might benefit from a bit of tweaking:
"His girlfriend of seven months, was the absolutely gorgeous Candy Winchester." No need for the comma. Also a bit of a cliche, or am I missing the point and you were using irony?
"Ramirez resented a waste of his time that was far greater than any loss of possessions or money, but what was his was his, and nobody should dare to take anything from him" - I didn't quite understand what the first part of the sentence meant.
In the para before the asterisks there seems to be a word missing after "strange".
"You, bitch! Nobody does that to Juan Ramirez. You hear me? Nobody! - needs closing inverted commas.
I was not sure blood would gush from eyes and splatter his shirt. More likely from her throat, as a few lines down. But I'm not a medic so could well be wrong about that.
I did not imagine her eyes staring if he had just sliced them.
Towards the end I could not square his excited breathing with his feeling nothing.
I hope this is helpful Bob. With a bit of tightening up, I think it could be a very effective opening chapter to a hard hitting thriller.
Best wishes. Sally
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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Pacy and exciting, though not particularly my style. But that's neither here nor there!
I liked your humour, eg the brains of an oyster and Candy's housekeeping abilities. Also the "cooking" joke.
Superb description of Ramirez's appearance.
I have to admit I did not find this opening chapter quite as engaging as I usually your work Bob. I really don't like giving less than 5, but will pay you the respect of being honest.
For me the character of Ramirez was somewhat unconvincing, with a rather strange mix of characteristics.
There were a few places which might benefit from a bit of tweaking:
"His girlfriend of seven months, was the absolutely gorgeous Candy Winchester." No need for the comma. Also a bit of a cliche, or am I missing the point and you were using irony?
"Ramirez resented a waste of his time that was far greater than any loss of possessions or money, but what was his was his, and nobody should dare to take anything from him" - I didn't quite understand what the first part of the sentence meant.
In the para before the asterisks there seems to be a word missing after "strange".
"You, bitch! Nobody does that to Juan Ramirez. You hear me? Nobody! - needs closing inverted commas.
I was not sure blood would gush from eyes and splatter his shirt. More likely from her throat, as a few lines down. But I'm not a medic so could well be wrong about that.
I did not imagine her eyes staring if he had just sliced them.
Towards the end I could not square his excited breathing with his feeling nothing.
I hope this is helpful Bob. With a bit of tightening up, I think it could be a very effective opening chapter to a hard hitting thriller.
Best wishes. Sally
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-May-2010
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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Thank you Sally....Bob