Comment from MacMhuirich

Excellent

Oh what a glorious tale, feed the hungry dragon with pies and buns - what next lol. This was such a captivating read that it transports the reader to the end with ease, A suggestion for the next time the dragon wakes - KFC (Kiwi Fried Cow), thanks for the humour.
Bless you
John

 Comment Written 23-May-2016

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reply by the author on 23-May-2016

Thanks, John.

KFC, huh? I was trying not to have to slaughter anything, which is why I avoided even having to battle the dragon. Kiwi Fried Cauliflower??

Steve

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

Alliteration, assonance, rhymes, meter, a prince carrying on with a waitress, and a benevolent dragon, all skilfully employed. Excellent.

 Comment Written 23-May-2016

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reply by the author on 23-May-2016

Thank you, though I'll have you know Hilda is much more than a waitress - she's an executive chef! I guess you would have to have read the previous poem in the series to see how she managed to graduate from scullerymaid to chef!

Steve

Comment from scd41

Excellent

What a gripping story and the food sent for the hungry dragon by the clever king Rupert must have satiated his hunger fully never to raise his voice again. The best part was his swallowing the cart along with the food. The story has been told in simple and smooth lines. Best of luck for the contest.

 Comment Written 23-May-2016

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reply by the author on 23-May-2016

Thanks so much for the kind ords. I'm glad you enjoyed this little tale.

Steve

Comment from William Ross

Excellent

Hahaha a good witty and fun write and read about feeding this dragon after centuries with pastries and junk. Great rhyming and rhythm a wonderful story for the prompt. Good luck on this

 Comment Written 23-May-2016

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reply by the author on 23-May-2016

Thanks, William - I'm glad you enjoyed this little tale.

Steve

Comment from brenda bickers

Exceptional

Hi Steve,
I must confess I am a sucker for this type of poetry. I love the subject matter, the
story was just so delightful and I love the happy ending, It reminded me of "Puff the magic dragon". That little song made so many children happy and is still learnt and sung today. I think your poem certainly has a place up there with others of this brilliance and would be remembered for decades.
A great read.
Brenda:))x

 Comment Written 23-May-2016

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reply by the author on 23-May-2016

Brenda, thanks so much for this review. I remember Puff well - I believe many people think it refers to smoking marijuana!

Steve

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

I am beginning to wonder about some of the writers pm FS, especially the poets. The dragon is fed without a tum in sight. Oh, what a gaseous, odious night. This is very well written. Good luck in your contest.

 Comment Written 23-May-2016

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reply by the author on 23-May-2016

Thanks, Charlie. I'm not sure I get your first comment. Are you referring to the dragon being slim?

Steve

Comment from Domino 2

Excellent

Wow, Steve, this is a marathon read that I wouldn't usually be able to concentrate on, but your wonderful imagination and imagery kept me glued throughout.

One tiny nit-pick to start:

You start cleverly alliterated 6th line with an emphasised syllable ('SILK-en') that contradicts ALL the other lines written in top anapaestic meter.

I'm not usually a fan of 'feminine' line endings, but yours work great as there's not just one or two 'thrown in' which, when done, spoils the flow for me, but you have an abundance of fun ones.

Fun made up words, like, 'Callays and Caloohs'.

Nice to see a good dragon who ends up sleeping off the cake, rather than being slain.

Fun rhymes line, 'new-fangled/bespangled'.

I did find just one rhyme slightly forced, with respect, with the line ending cut:

'That dragon's just starving, I'm willing to venture he
Hasn't been fed since the fourth or fifth century', and would have preferred a 'feminine ending instead of, 'he', to match, 'century'. But that's another tiny nit-pick.

I reckon you've kicked my entry into touch here, and I graciously wish you good luck, though I don't think you'll need much.

Excellent.

Cheers, Ray.

 Comment Written 23-May-2016

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reply by the author on 23-May-2016

Ray, thank you very much for the generous review. I'm going to reply to a couple of your comments - more to explain my thinking than to 'defend' my work, you understand.

Line 6 does start with a stressed syllable. I would not have done that unless line 5 ended with an unstressed one and the sentence flowed from one line to the next. When the two lines are read aloud, the anapaestic meter sounds fine (in my humble opinion). I often use this meter for narrative poems and I am happy to have variations like this to break up what might otherwise be monotonous.

Feminine endings? There are so many here because of the humorous content and the often fanciful language used. Not ne reviewer has picked me up on the created word 'shinery'! The ones you mention are actually borrowed from Lewis Carroll's 'Jabberwocky', so he should get the credit. Again I think venture he/century should be treated as just another feminine rhyme (on three syllables)

And as for my sleepy dragon? I didn't want to darken the tone by having anybody getting killed - although I did consider it. Hopefully, sending him back to sleep was a suitable compromise.

Thanks again for the detailed and thoughtful review.

Steve

reply by Domino 2 on 23-May-2016

Thanks for your gracious reply, Steve, and I generally understand your points, but the sixth line still made me stumble, and I respectfully disagree with the necessity to avoid being 'monotonous', as I think meter should be regular throughout (allowing for 'feminine' endings), and though I agree the two lines sound fine together, I would still find another way to write them to maintain continuity - but that's just my humble opinion.

I hope you didn't misunderstand my reference to feminine endings, as I wanted to make it clear they worked great in your poem, whereas in many others I've read, they've rankled with me.

Cheers, my very talented friend. Ray.

Comment from DR DIP

Excellent

that is an enjoyable read kiwi steve indeed it had me in from start to finish i had just read another contest entry that was very good as well is going to be hard selecting a winner i like your rhythm and meter it suits the story

dip

 Comment Written 23-May-2016

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reply by the author on 23-May-2016

Thanks, Dip. I'm glad you enjoyed the tale.

I've only seen a few other entries - I wish they would put them all in one place, so we could see what the competition was like!~

Steve

Comment from bubblejellybean

Exceptional

Oh my gosh that was so cute! I could just see this in a children's book with pictures and everything! What amazing talent!

 Comment Written 23-May-2016

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reply by the author on 23-May-2016

Thank you! And a big welcome to FanStory. This is a continuing series for me. If you'd like to read the others, you need to find your way to my portfolio and click on the magnifying glass symbol to search. The 'book' of Gobbledegooks poems is quite nesr the top of the list.

Steve

Comment from Laurel Legion

Excellent

Your poem was sweet and ended very sweetly, needless to say. Between the layout and description, this piece was able to maintain its buildup of something seemingly dire with the dragon only to reverse all that with said dragon being subdued by desserts instead of death or even music. Ultimately, your poem reminded me of Roald Dahl's work like James and the Giant Peach or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (the latter moreso for obvious reasons). Once again, excellent job.

 Comment Written 23-May-2016

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reply by the author on 23-May-2016

Thank you very much for the excellent review. I am glad you enjoyed the story.

Steve