Love in the Sand
Blank Verse83 total reviews
Comment from Delahay
The picture you have accompanying your words is perfect for the sentiments you have described. I imagine countless people have drawn symbols of their love in the sand to be washed away with the tide.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2015
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The picture you have accompanying your words is perfect for the sentiments you have described. I imagine countless people have drawn symbols of their love in the sand to be washed away with the tide.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2015
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Thank you so much:)
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
This is a very nice poem that examines the idea of confessions of love written in sand and washed off to sea. Maybe this is the only meaning, what it seems on the surface, but perhaps there is something more, say...declarations of love being as enduring as etches in the sand?
Either meaning, or one I totally missed, it's thought provoking.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2015
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This is a very nice poem that examines the idea of confessions of love written in sand and washed off to sea. Maybe this is the only meaning, what it seems on the surface, but perhaps there is something more, say...declarations of love being as enduring as etches in the sand?
Either meaning, or one I totally missed, it's thought provoking.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2015
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Thank you:)
Comment from Joan E.
I enjoyed your capturing the transitory message and asking the thought-provoking questions in these rhythmic lines. You added the perfect picture too. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2015
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I enjoyed your capturing the transitory message and asking the thought-provoking questions in these rhythmic lines. You added the perfect picture too. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 08-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2015
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Thank you Joan:)
Comment from honeytree
I really love the art work here
very much for these words written
I would imagine many hearts are drawn
on the sand to express love.
honeytree
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2015
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I really love the art work here
very much for these words written
I would imagine many hearts are drawn
on the sand to express love.
honeytree
Comment Written 07-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2015
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Thank so much:)
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Great writing
Annie
Comment from paperwait
This is a delightful poem and it now has the correct syllable count and meter. I suggest you also get another's opinion because I am by no means an expert. My favorite poetry form is iambic meter using 10/8 meter count in 4 line stanzas with rhyming. Yours does not involve rhyming, so I am assuming that 3 lines is fine. See if someone else can verify this.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2015
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This is a delightful poem and it now has the correct syllable count and meter. I suggest you also get another's opinion because I am by no means an expert. My favorite poetry form is iambic meter using 10/8 meter count in 4 line stanzas with rhyming. Yours does not involve rhyming, so I am assuming that 3 lines is fine. See if someone else can verify this.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2015
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Thank you for your review and help.
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Thank you for your review and help.
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You're very welcome.
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Thank you for your review and help.
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You may be able to use the poem if you don't claim it is iambic pentameter. Check with the committee to see if that is acceptable.
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I have made several changes, would you please re-review and let me know if you think it is ok now? Thanks so much
Comment from acerisestory
Your poem is lovely, Teresa!
Your artwork is a perfect enhancement for your words. I really liked your use of the word, "athwart." It worked so well, and one sure doesn't hear it often. Your last stanza is my favorite:
"How many grains of sand have held the words
"I love you" or seen lovers names encased
in hearts then buried in the crashing waves?"
This is a fine entry for the contest. Best of luck! Alana
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2015
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Your poem is lovely, Teresa!
Your artwork is a perfect enhancement for your words. I really liked your use of the word, "athwart." It worked so well, and one sure doesn't hear it often. Your last stanza is my favorite:
"How many grains of sand have held the words
"I love you" or seen lovers names encased
in hearts then buried in the crashing waves?"
This is a fine entry for the contest. Best of luck! Alana
Comment Written 07-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2015
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Thank you Alana:)
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Thank you Alana:)
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Thank you Alana:)
Comment from Dean Kuch
Countless grains of sand I would imagine, Teresa.
This is a lovely, melancholy blank verse with an interesting concept. Is our love washed away so easily by forces bigger than we are due to situations beyond our control? Many times, I think.
Well composed, at least based upon my very limited knowledge of this form.
Good luck in the contest. ~Dean
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2015
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Countless grains of sand I would imagine, Teresa.
This is a lovely, melancholy blank verse with an interesting concept. Is our love washed away so easily by forces bigger than we are due to situations beyond our control? Many times, I think.
Well composed, at least based upon my very limited knowledge of this form.
Good luck in the contest. ~Dean
Comment Written 07-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2015
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Thank you 'D'. I'm getting beaten down by the 4 star ratings so I need to work on some more.
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Thank you 'D'. I'm getting beaten down by the 4 star ratings so I need to work on some more.
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Thank you 'D'. I'm getting beaten down by the 4 star ratings so I need to work on some more.
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You're more than welcome, 't'...
Comment from Drew Delaney
A very beautiful free verse poem about love and how it lands on the beach of sand, with the grains interspersed as the water carries the message of love into the deep. Nice work. Drew
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2015
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A very beautiful free verse poem about love and how it lands on the beach of sand, with the grains interspersed as the water carries the message of love into the deep. Nice work. Drew
Comment Written 07-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2015
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Thanks Drew:)
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Thanks Drew:)
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Thanks Drew:)
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice photo to go with your poem
-Very good images in the first stanza
-Stanza two is very good and shows the reader how many people have probably written their sentiments in the sand, only to have them "displaced" by the waves.
-It might also suggest that just because this has happened, maybe the message lasts even though it went out to sea because it is forever in their minds.
-The last stanza directs the reader's attention back to the photo.
-You follow the format well.
-One very minor thing in the next to the last line: "lover's names"
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2015
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-Very nice photo to go with your poem
-Very good images in the first stanza
-Stanza two is very good and shows the reader how many people have probably written their sentiments in the sand, only to have them "displaced" by the waves.
-It might also suggest that just because this has happened, maybe the message lasts even though it went out to sea because it is forever in their minds.
-The last stanza directs the reader's attention back to the photo.
-You follow the format well.
-One very minor thing in the next to the last line: "lover's names"
Comment Written 07-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2015
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Thank you for the in depth review and help:)
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Thank you for the in depth review and help:)
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Thank you for the in depth review and help:)
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You are welcome.
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You are welcome.
Comment from ProSongwriter
Hi ...
You are so right ... indeed, how many grains of sand have been washed away with those words etched within them? It's an almost irresistible urge for loves when they are at the beach. Should al those grains be reunited in their original form, there's be a lot of love in that message ... the world could use that!
Very nice!
Alan
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2015
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Hi ...
You are so right ... indeed, how many grains of sand have been washed away with those words etched within them? It's an almost irresistible urge for loves when they are at the beach. Should al those grains be reunited in their original form, there's be a lot of love in that message ... the world could use that!
Very nice!
Alan
Comment Written 07-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2015
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Thank you Alan:)
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Thank you Alan:)
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Thank you Alan:)
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You are welcome.