Cellophane Child
a fairy story ... without fairies ... (2321 words)66 total reviews
Comment from Sasha
What a fun, delightful, and dark story. I like stories like this where the bad guys get what's coming and the good get away with it. I enjoyed this one very much. Keep up the great work.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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What a fun, delightful, and dark story. I like stories like this where the bad guys get what's coming and the good get away with it. I enjoyed this one very much. Keep up the great work.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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bless you dear - I like giving baddies their comeuppance too! :)S
Comment from Louise Michelle
Hm...I guess egrets in your neck of the woods are different from those here in Texas. They are squawky, skinny and have ugly brown feathers with their white ones.
I love how you interject humor in what could be a horribly morose story. Oh, I see the emphasis on the egrets now. Don't know if this is spag or if you did it on purpose: toherself.
Your extraordinary imagination has burst on my screen, grabbed hold of me and taken me for a glorious ride. How can I possibly give you less than a sixer? Well done! Lou
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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Hm...I guess egrets in your neck of the woods are different from those here in Texas. They are squawky, skinny and have ugly brown feathers with their white ones.
I love how you interject humor in what could be a horribly morose story. Oh, I see the emphasis on the egrets now. Don't know if this is spag or if you did it on purpose: toherself.
Your extraordinary imagination has burst on my screen, grabbed hold of me and taken me for a glorious ride. How can I possibly give you less than a sixer? Well done! Lou
Comment Written 20-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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Our egrets are more like beautiful white cranes, Lou - quite, quite beautiful ... and they glide along the ocean cliffs with the frigate birds. Thx for toherself catch! And thx also for your lovely sixer!
:)Sharyn
Comment from c_lucas
A very successful side trip into writing a short story. Your tone makes the reader feels as if they are floating along. Very good job.
Error:
Actually, if she were to admit the whole truth (toherself,)
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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A very successful side trip into writing a short story. Your tone makes the reader feels as if they are floating along. Very good job.
Error:
Actually, if she were to admit the whole truth (toherself,)
Comment Written 20-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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thx for the typo catch Charlie! :)S
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You're welcome, Sharlyn. Charlie
Comment from alexgeorge
This was a very heart-warming story of Good triumphantly getting the better of Evil. All the events that transpired were totally unpredictable and, though the last part was a little far-fetched, enjoyable as she knocked off all those Despicables one by one.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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This was a very heart-warming story of Good triumphantly getting the better of Evil. All the events that transpired were totally unpredictable and, though the last part was a little far-fetched, enjoyable as she knocked off all those Despicables one by one.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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far-fetched? really? you think so???
he he he! thx so much Alex!
:) Sharyn
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You're welcome :)
Comment from GWHARGIS
This has a Stephen King edge to it. You weren't graphic but your did manage to tantalize with the woman's reaction to these deaths. I liked the use of color as the catalyst for the events. Nice job.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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This has a Stephen King edge to it. You weren't graphic but your did manage to tantalize with the woman's reaction to these deaths. I liked the use of color as the catalyst for the events. Nice job.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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Bless you GW ... do you think I need to lighten her reaction?
:)S
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No way. She wasn't morbid or ugly, she was changing the course of her life through...magic? I wouldn't change a thing.
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oh good! thank you so much!
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
Well I don't know what to make of the piece..a child's parable, a lesson on color as therapeutic/holistic, for ex:
"A protective color, but also the symbol of warmth,...
OR a story about two murderers (Mr and Mrs. Despicable) who (only one does)meet an untimely end in a plane crash. However I was engrossed and played along. Some observations:
1) How can lips be "...thin...and puffy..?
2) good aside..."Almost white" ...you'd probably trip..."
3) Yes indeed but who today remembers Isadora Duncan?
4)A sudden shock to the system...I reached for as aspirin. "..Now, if this were a normal story, it would be time to reach for your Kleenex. But you (the reader?) know better."
I felt like Alice falling down the rabbit hole at the end..incredulous and mystified...if that was the author's intention..hooray!!!
Regards:
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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Well I don't know what to make of the piece..a child's parable, a lesson on color as therapeutic/holistic, for ex:
"A protective color, but also the symbol of warmth,...
OR a story about two murderers (Mr and Mrs. Despicable) who (only one does)meet an untimely end in a plane crash. However I was engrossed and played along. Some observations:
1) How can lips be "...thin...and puffy..?
2) good aside..."Almost white" ...you'd probably trip..."
3) Yes indeed but who today remembers Isadora Duncan?
4)A sudden shock to the system...I reached for as aspirin. "..Now, if this were a normal story, it would be time to reach for your Kleenex. But you (the reader?) know better."
I felt like Alice falling down the rabbit hole at the end..incredulous and mystified...if that was the author's intention..hooray!!!
Regards:
Comment Written 20-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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Thanks so much Stephen - you are a wonderful, detailed reviewer and I always appreciate you! Got rid of thin and puffy - you were absolutely correct - the mind boggles ... chopped out the Kleenex bit, we don't want you OD'ing on aspirin dear ... do you think I need to do some elaboration on Isadora? maybe an author note, or something within the piece itself?
Love from the rabbit-hole!
:)Sharyn
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Dear S: Stick with Isadora...they can look her up on the net. Stay the quirky course and soldier on.
Hugs: Steve C
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That's what I figured Stephen - thx dear! :)
Comment from Tonulak
Dear Sharon,
I have to give you high marks for the amazing creativity of this story. In Agni yoga, purple energy is also healing, so it must be a long tradition:) I guess I'd have to say, the use of "Mr. Despicable" didn't floor me, it seemed to make the story too obviously allegorical. Russian has a long tradition of "speaking names, so it would find another name for this "Despicable"....Mr. Bullock, Craven, something a little less obvious. I did see one typo; "whole truth toherself..." needs a space. A really great story--Ted
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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Dear Sharon,
I have to give you high marks for the amazing creativity of this story. In Agni yoga, purple energy is also healing, so it must be a long tradition:) I guess I'd have to say, the use of "Mr. Despicable" didn't floor me, it seemed to make the story too obviously allegorical. Russian has a long tradition of "speaking names, so it would find another name for this "Despicable"....Mr. Bullock, Craven, something a little less obvious. I did see one typo; "whole truth toherself..." needs a space. A really great story--Ted
Comment Written 20-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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Bless you for your magic sixer Ted! I like your suggestion re "Despicable" - actually, originally I called him Mr Vile ... but we could do Low, Cad, Crud, Crumb, Dastard, Dregs (in which he'd have to be Doctor Dregs), Heinous, Scab, Scum, Twist, Writhe, Lech, Perv, Warp, Kink ... any favorites there?
:))))Sharyn
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I was thinking of a name that sounded like a name, but with double entendre...
Comment from Debra White
Hi :) I read this on recommendation and I'm so glad! Your story is amazing... I love fairy tales and happy endings and your wonderful story ticked all the boxes for me :) You're a great story teller, you had me gripped from the very start and I was totally absorbed until the end. So glad all the 'Despicable's' got what was coming to them! I enjoyed the information you provided about the colours purple and yellow too - I will check out the link you provided in your author notes, thanks!
Kindest regards, Debra :)
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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Hi :) I read this on recommendation and I'm so glad! Your story is amazing... I love fairy tales and happy endings and your wonderful story ticked all the boxes for me :) You're a great story teller, you had me gripped from the very start and I was totally absorbed until the end. So glad all the 'Despicable's' got what was coming to them! I enjoyed the information you provided about the colours purple and yellow too - I will check out the link you provided in your author notes, thanks!
Kindest regards, Debra :)
Comment Written 20-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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Bless you Deb! I'm so glad you had fun with me - and thank you so much for your wonderful six! I like it, too, when the baddies get what they deserve!
:)Sharyn
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Terrrific! Verrrry imaginative and written like a fairy tale... just beeyoootiful!
an egret, to be precise - she seemed to float through life, barely disturbing the air when she moved.
LOVE that phrase!
I am soooo glad I saved a six, and now I'm actually permitted to give it to you, no less. How's THAT for fairy tale magic!
By the way, in color psychology, yellow is the color of the future... which you might want to add ... very appropriate!
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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Terrrific! Verrrry imaginative and written like a fairy tale... just beeyoootiful!
an egret, to be precise - she seemed to float through life, barely disturbing the air when she moved.
LOVE that phrase!
I am soooo glad I saved a six, and now I'm actually permitted to give it to you, no less. How's THAT for fairy tale magic!
By the way, in color psychology, yellow is the color of the future... which you might want to add ... very appropriate!
Comment Written 20-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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oh YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! so glad you enjoyed this one Phyllis and delighted that FS will let loose another sixer for me! I added the yellow being the color of the future (in the very last line). It also happens to be my favorite color!
Blessings,
Sharyn
ps: did you see I won the Zoo entry? I've been resting on my laurels with $100 extra member dollars, which of course I frittered away on this one ... back to reviewing later ...
:)Sharyn
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Yes, your zoo entry just HAD to win... nothing came close. Clever and touching both.. perfect combination. I'm still thinking about this lady and her magic scarves, wondering where to buy that yarn! :)
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only in Maui ... fly on over darl'!
Comment from Hollyhock
My breakfast went cold because I started reading this and then just had to finish it.
I loved your use of the power of colour, and your use of colour throughout. Your characters are defined by colour or touches of it and the whole story is like a tapestry woven with shot-silk.
A fairy story without the fairies, but what a short play or film this would make! All the elements conspire to make the reader believe the unbelievable, the appearance of the white egrets was as acceptable as a troop of angels.
One question, how did Joanis know they were her mothers "special birdies"?
On the dark side you also show very clearly the effects if cruelty and violence within a family, something we all need to remember.
Excellent read.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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My breakfast went cold because I started reading this and then just had to finish it.
I loved your use of the power of colour, and your use of colour throughout. Your characters are defined by colour or touches of it and the whole story is like a tapestry woven with shot-silk.
A fairy story without the fairies, but what a short play or film this would make! All the elements conspire to make the reader believe the unbelievable, the appearance of the white egrets was as acceptable as a troop of angels.
One question, how did Joanis know they were her mothers "special birdies"?
On the dark side you also show very clearly the effects if cruelty and violence within a family, something we all need to remember.
Excellent read.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2013
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Thx so much Andrea! Sorry about brekkie! I think I would have assumed that Joanie & mom had already had playtime together where there would have been opportunity to talk about her special birdies, but let me see if I can work it in if you think it needs further explanation. Thx for an astute question! (And an intelligent reading - always appreciated)
:)S