I Hereby Crown Thee ...
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "A Dream of Droll Dichotomy's Design"A collection of crowns of sonnets
74 total reviews
Comment from Tonulak
This was quite an adventure. One of my issues with sonneteers is that automatically go to a style and feel of the Elizabetheans and since we don't speak that way, and few are masters at it it sounds artificial and stilted.
You have used modern vocabulary and images throughout and have created an impressive major opus. Best of luck in the contest with this powerful work--Ted
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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This was quite an adventure. One of my issues with sonneteers is that automatically go to a style and feel of the Elizabetheans and since we don't speak that way, and few are masters at it it sounds artificial and stilted.
You have used modern vocabulary and images throughout and have created an impressive major opus. Best of luck in the contest with this powerful work--Ted
Comment Written 14-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Thanks so much, Ted. Yeah, the ilde worlde language should only be used if you're really going to commit to it. I prefer to go for technical complexity in modern words. I'm thrilled you emjoyed it.
Mike
Comment from artemis53
Okay. I had to read it four times and still don't think that I have gleaned all images, question sand answers but hope that I one time will.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Okay. I had to read it four times and still don't think that I have gleaned all images, question sand answers but hope that I one time will.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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I appreciate your reading through. Sometimes poems just don't click, I find. Hope you glean something interesting :-).
Mike
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It's not you. It's me!
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, fleedleflump, you did a great job writing this crown of sonnets. i can't write one sonnet much less a crown of them, great imagery and heartfelt emotion presented, i hung in there and read all of them. my only guestion was about aspiration's elevation's--shouldn't it be aspirations elevation's fire? good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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this is very well written, fleedleflump, you did a great job writing this crown of sonnets. i can't write one sonnet much less a crown of them, great imagery and heartfelt emotion presented, i hung in there and read all of them. my only guestion was about aspiration's elevation's--shouldn't it be aspirations elevation's fire? good luck in the contest
Comment Written 14-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Thank you, SWJ :-). I'm thrilled you enjoyed this one. The double possessive is intentional, as it's belonging to the elevation of aspiration, the same way one might say "my Sister's Daughter's boyfriend".
Mike
Comment from HPicasso
An easy read, capturing the reader's attention from the first line. Your writing is invariably much more than pleasant. The poem has perfect choice of words and makes a lovely read. An intriguing poem that certainly captured my interest. your writing is so detailed and flows together so smoothly. I appreciate the author notes, thank you.
Excellent vocabulary choices that forced me to think about what was being said. The battle of Good vs Evil has been going on for centuries. I think you have chosen an absolutely stunning picture for your work. thank you so much for sharing your creativity.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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An easy read, capturing the reader's attention from the first line. Your writing is invariably much more than pleasant. The poem has perfect choice of words and makes a lovely read. An intriguing poem that certainly captured my interest. your writing is so detailed and flows together so smoothly. I appreciate the author notes, thank you.
Excellent vocabulary choices that forced me to think about what was being said. The battle of Good vs Evil has been going on for centuries. I think you have chosen an absolutely stunning picture for your work. thank you so much for sharing your creativity.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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And thank you for your wonderful words, HP. I'm so happy you enjoyed reading my poem :-).
Mike
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Ok Mike here I am, going in head first...lol
You use bold descriptive language. I think the rhyming words are superior. Your thought process is to my way of thinking a little bit angry in some places or at least it feels like you are scoffing at society's needs, then question if society actually needs anything at all...
love the last couplet in section II
"evaporation of the sense we shot;
with rhetoric, we follow better plots."
Love all of section IV .. wow that gives a reader pause...
SNAP! "we've hated since the day pain gave us birth" Whoa!
Well my friend that last stanza says it all doesn't it. I'll have to read it a few more times to get all of what you wanted to say, but what I gathered from the first round leaves me thinking, and thinking hard indeed about where we are in life itself. Fantastic job and you get my six! xoxo deborah
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Ok Mike here I am, going in head first...lol
You use bold descriptive language. I think the rhyming words are superior. Your thought process is to my way of thinking a little bit angry in some places or at least it feels like you are scoffing at society's needs, then question if society actually needs anything at all...
love the last couplet in section II
"evaporation of the sense we shot;
with rhetoric, we follow better plots."
Love all of section IV .. wow that gives a reader pause...
SNAP! "we've hated since the day pain gave us birth" Whoa!
Well my friend that last stanza says it all doesn't it. I'll have to read it a few more times to get all of what you wanted to say, but what I gathered from the first round leaves me thinking, and thinking hard indeed about where we are in life itself. Fantastic job and you get my six! xoxo deborah
Comment Written 13-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Thank you so much, Deborah :-). I was writing on the edge with this one, my fingers barely keeping up with the words. It definitely feels like a summation of the themes I've been channelling recently. Thanks for the great review!
Mike
Comment from ulster3
Hello, Mike.
I know that to write one of these is not easy, because I did one a couple years ago. Congratulations on meeting the task with such expertise! This is a great entry and I wish you well. The entire work is exceptional, but these lines are to be remembered:
If generosity's a word all talk
then language cannot barrier attempts
to weave a rope so strong that none will balk,
each human twining like a strand of hemp
Very original.
Warmly, Rebecca
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Hello, Mike.
I know that to write one of these is not easy, because I did one a couple years ago. Congratulations on meeting the task with such expertise! This is a great entry and I wish you well. The entire work is exceptional, but these lines are to be remembered:
If generosity's a word all talk
then language cannot barrier attempts
to weave a rope so strong that none will balk,
each human twining like a strand of hemp
Very original.
Warmly, Rebecca
Comment Written 13-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Thank you, Rebecca :-). I've grown a sado-masochistic attraction to this form, and find I enjoy writing them. The problem is, they're a little draining! lol. Thanks so much for the great review.
Mike
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To say the least.
Comment from Sharrum
Wow...I thought this was exceptional. I thought this looked like a very hard sonnet to write and I feel you did a fabulous job. I would not change a thing. I totally loved it. Keep up the awesome work. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Wow...I thought this was exceptional. I thought this looked like a very hard sonnet to write and I feel you did a fabulous job. I would not change a thing. I totally loved it. Keep up the awesome work. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Thank you so much, Sharrum - your words and rating mean lots to me. I'm thrilles you got so much out of it :-).
Mike
Comment from elgone
This is an ambitious piece of writing but a joy to read. I'm not well versed in all the technical aspects of poetry but I know what I like. I love sonnets. Thank you for writing this. Great luck with it in the contest.
E
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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This is an ambitious piece of writing but a joy to read. I'm not well versed in all the technical aspects of poetry but I know what I like. I love sonnets. Thank you for writing this. Great luck with it in the contest.
E
Comment Written 13-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Thank you, E :-). I'm glad you enjoyed it - it's at least as important as the technical accuracy.
Mike
Comment from ebeta
My compliments.
I was a bit wary going in, fearing a poem this 'monster long' would be filled with obfuscation at the hopes of sounding more 'artsy', but I was pleasantly surprised.
You obviously know the form. Well done
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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My compliments.
I was a bit wary going in, fearing a poem this 'monster long' would be filled with obfuscation at the hopes of sounding more 'artsy', but I was pleasantly surprised.
You obviously know the form. Well done
Comment Written 13-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Thanks so much, Ebeta :-). That's something I'm always worried about doing, so I'm happy to hear I've avoided that.
Mike
Comment from Zombie's Woof
Hi-
Right... modern appliances I love, but they
also kind of piss me off... take the dishwasher,
for instance... one piles in the dishes,
adds soap into the little container... closes,
latches, pushes the button... the thing
roars up, wastes a ton of water and electricity,
but in the end, one pops it open and has
sparkly clean dishes... whereas, with a bit
of elbow grease, some elbow grease and a fraction
of the water and electricity, the dishes come
out just the same.
Perhaps, it is the modern appliances which
have made life so easy, while we're all out
trying to earn the big bucks which pay for
all this shit, yet which are the great evil;
while making life simpler, they enable
people to go out, make more money, buy
more useless shit (of which there is never
enough) in an endless repetitive consumerism
cycle, thereby having less time for anything
resembling an actual human life, or what
might be termed, a life worth living.
Although this really has nothing to do
with your poem, which was quite excellent
btw, I believe I was on a roll there
for a moment lol
Great work! ZW
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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Hi-
Right... modern appliances I love, but they
also kind of piss me off... take the dishwasher,
for instance... one piles in the dishes,
adds soap into the little container... closes,
latches, pushes the button... the thing
roars up, wastes a ton of water and electricity,
but in the end, one pops it open and has
sparkly clean dishes... whereas, with a bit
of elbow grease, some elbow grease and a fraction
of the water and electricity, the dishes come
out just the same.
Perhaps, it is the modern appliances which
have made life so easy, while we're all out
trying to earn the big bucks which pay for
all this shit, yet which are the great evil;
while making life simpler, they enable
people to go out, make more money, buy
more useless shit (of which there is never
enough) in an endless repetitive consumerism
cycle, thereby having less time for anything
resembling an actual human life, or what
might be termed, a life worth living.
Although this really has nothing to do
with your poem, which was quite excellent
btw, I believe I was on a roll there
for a moment lol
Great work! ZW
Comment Written 13-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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lol, I think you were on a roll, ZW :-). I'm with you 100% on dishwashers - I've never had one, and never want one. They take just as long to load and unloads as it take to wash up by hand!
Mike
