Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 51 "Chapter 15; part 3"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
79 total reviews
Comment from E.P. Thomas
B,
Ah, doesn't it feel great to finally conclude a the final chapter of a novel? Now the endless edits begin. I don't which is the least fun, writing or editing.
Nice, smooth writing. Good luck with placing this with a publisher.
g
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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B,
Ah, doesn't it feel great to finally conclude a the final chapter of a novel? Now the endless edits begin. I don't which is the least fun, writing or editing.
Nice, smooth writing. Good luck with placing this with a publisher.
g
Comment Written 09-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate it.
Comment from adewpearl
You're a young and cocky - drop the "a"
I want solve this - I want TO solve this
Carlos isn't doing to well - too
Michael spoke through is headset - his
The six is for the many chapters of entertainment you have provided me :-) Good luck with your surgery, Barbara. I am so happy Steven and Leya will be together forever. Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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You're a young and cocky - drop the "a"
I want solve this - I want TO solve this
Carlos isn't doing to well - too
Michael spoke through is headset - his
The six is for the many chapters of entertainment you have provided me :-) Good luck with your surgery, Barbara. I am so happy Steven and Leya will be together forever. Brooke :-)
Comment Written 09-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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I have made the corrections. Thank you for your review and continued support. I appreciate the well wishes.
Comment from Gideon Roth
Hello Barbara,
Wow, tension and action from the very beginning. This was such an exciting chapter and really added to the already well written story. You should do very well with this. I do appreciate your writing style and well written dialogue. Looking forward to the next chapter...Tim, aka, Gideon
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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Hello Barbara,
Wow, tension and action from the very beginning. This was such an exciting chapter and really added to the already well written story. You should do very well with this. I do appreciate your writing style and well written dialogue. Looking forward to the next chapter...Tim, aka, Gideon
Comment Written 09-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your review and continued support. I appreciate both.
Comment from FredCollingwood
Congratulations, Barbara. "And the all lived happily ever after." Great novel from beginning to end and an ending that everyone will love. Excellent!
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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Congratulations, Barbara. "And the all lived happily ever after." Great novel from beginning to end and an ending that everyone will love. Excellent!
Comment Written 09-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your review. I appreciat those kind words coming from a great writer like you.
Comment from midgev
Very nice ending to a book I wish I had read all of. Except for the few errors mentioned by others it is an excellent read. I enjoyed and you will be in my prayers for a successful surgery and speedy recovery. God Bless, Midge
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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Very nice ending to a book I wish I had read all of. Except for the few errors mentioned by others it is an excellent read. I enjoyed and you will be in my prayers for a successful surgery and speedy recovery. God Bless, Midge
Comment Written 09-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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I have corrected those errors. I don't like errors at all. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Begin Again
Barbara.
Hurrah! Well done, my dear friend. Terrific story from start to finish. I hav enjoyed the intrigue and the relationship between Steven and Leya.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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Barbara.
Hurrah! Well done, my dear friend. Terrific story from start to finish. I hav enjoyed the intrigue and the relationship between Steven and Leya.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 09-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and continued support.
Comment from rama devi
**It would be good to describe some of the men and bring them to life in the reader's eye. Maybe one has a scar, one scowls, another laughs....give them some personality or give the reader more visuals to imagine the room adn the tension in it.
For example---elaborate and plump up the description here--make the reader FEEL the tension and SEE the scene.
Two of the men pushed her chair to a corner and surrounded her with M4's pointed toward the door. Three men hurried outside and were quickly engaged in rapid gunfire.
Give the men more characteristics. Later you simply call them man on the left, man on the right. How about the man with a scar...the man who always frowns.
Make it seem REAL!
SPAGS-
*She remembered fighting off a man,(no ,) as he forced a cloth over her mouth and nose.
*Steven motioned for Bob to come closer,(no ,) before he said,
*Michael and Bob, you're paid to be snipers,(; or .) do your jobs."
*A few seconds later(,) Bob said into his communication device, "Only one left."
* Steven put an arm around her,(no ,) to comfort her, but kept his attention on what could be coming through the door.
*"I'm in love with Steven. I could never love you.(,)" she said, barely getting the words out.
*The whiz of Carlos' bullet sounded as he fired into the wall(,) just missing Steven.
The conclusion is nice--a romantic note of promise for the happy ever after ending. The build up of tension with the shoot out scene is good, but i think you need to describe more detail to bring the scene to life.
Bravo for completing this fine story!
And good luck in the healing process.
With Love and Prayers,
rd
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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**It would be good to describe some of the men and bring them to life in the reader's eye. Maybe one has a scar, one scowls, another laughs....give them some personality or give the reader more visuals to imagine the room adn the tension in it.
For example---elaborate and plump up the description here--make the reader FEEL the tension and SEE the scene.
Two of the men pushed her chair to a corner and surrounded her with M4's pointed toward the door. Three men hurried outside and were quickly engaged in rapid gunfire.
Give the men more characteristics. Later you simply call them man on the left, man on the right. How about the man with a scar...the man who always frowns.
Make it seem REAL!
SPAGS-
*She remembered fighting off a man,(no ,) as he forced a cloth over her mouth and nose.
*Steven motioned for Bob to come closer,(no ,) before he said,
*Michael and Bob, you're paid to be snipers,(; or .) do your jobs."
*A few seconds later(,) Bob said into his communication device, "Only one left."
* Steven put an arm around her,(no ,) to comfort her, but kept his attention on what could be coming through the door.
*"I'm in love with Steven. I could never love you.(,)" she said, barely getting the words out.
*The whiz of Carlos' bullet sounded as he fired into the wall(,) just missing Steven.
The conclusion is nice--a romantic note of promise for the happy ever after ending. The build up of tension with the shoot out scene is good, but i think you need to describe more detail to bring the scene to life.
Bravo for completing this fine story!
And good luck in the healing process.
With Love and Prayers,
rd
Comment Written 09-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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I copied your suggestions and will be very soon making the corrections. I will see what I can do about a rewrite for those men. Thank you for your review.
Comment from bookishfabler
Fix these boos boos, and let me know. I would love to give you a six for the whole book. I totoally enjoyed it and will miss it. Hope you have another one planned. One thing I do need to say, they will have some stories to tell thier children and grandchildren.
She stared at her ankles that were bound together
She stared at her bound ankles.
"Be careful shooting toward the cabin. Leya's inside." He pointed toward the cabin.
(maybe he pointed toward the small house, so not to say cabin in one sentence)
"Be careful shooting toward the cabin. Leya's inside." He pointed toward the cabin.
(take out 'to comfort her' we can figure that one, it's not to give her nuggies)
hugs book
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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Fix these boos boos, and let me know. I would love to give you a six for the whole book. I totoally enjoyed it and will miss it. Hope you have another one planned. One thing I do need to say, they will have some stories to tell thier children and grandchildren.
She stared at her ankles that were bound together
She stared at her bound ankles.
"Be careful shooting toward the cabin. Leya's inside." He pointed toward the cabin.
(maybe he pointed toward the small house, so not to say cabin in one sentence)
"Be careful shooting toward the cabin. Leya's inside." He pointed toward the cabin.
(take out 'to comfort her' we can figure that one, it's not to give her nuggies)
hugs book
Comment Written 09-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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I copied your suggestions and will make the corrections as soon as I finishe answering my reviews.
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I went back to give you a six, but I don't have any which is odd, I son't give them away much. SO, in my heart it was a six. Sorry.
hugs Heidi
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Not a problem. I means a lot to me just to know you thought about it.
Comment from CKLA
Barbara,
A fitting ending to an excellent book. I hope you intend to get this published. You should.
One small note,
You're (a) young and cocky - (a) not needed.
Good luck with your surgery.
Collette
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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Barbara,
A fitting ending to an excellent book. I hope you intend to get this published. You should.
One small note,
You're (a) young and cocky - (a) not needed.
Good luck with your surgery.
Collette
Comment Written 09-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I have made the correction.
Comment from bluedragon776
Very nice ending. The hero gets the girl. This is very fitting. Is this the very end of the book, or are your going to make revisions? Make it longer or shorter? In any case thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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Very nice ending. The hero gets the girl. This is very fitting. Is this the very end of the book, or are your going to make revisions? Make it longer or shorter? In any case thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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This is the ending. I have some human error mistakes that need corrections, but then I am ready for an agent. Thank you for your kind review.
