Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 49 "Chapter 15; part 1"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
58 total reviews
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
Leya's kidnapping is really sending shock waves through the task force. Poor old Steven is obviously totally distraught.
You have managed to up the excitment level in this chapter, and I don't think that is going to let up until Leya is safely restored to the fold.
The fact that Steven and Leya's marriage has survived this far is amazing, but maybe this event will make them both realise that their committment to one another is total after all.
Juliette
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Leya's kidnapping is really sending shock waves through the task force. Poor old Steven is obviously totally distraught.
You have managed to up the excitment level in this chapter, and I don't think that is going to let up until Leya is safely restored to the fold.
The fact that Steven and Leya's marriage has survived this far is amazing, but maybe this event will make them both realise that their committment to one another is total after all.
Juliette
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Poor Steven, and my goodness, now
Leya's been kidnapped - what an
unlucky couple
I wonder if I complained about [the] how uncomfortable - lose "the"
and cringed touching the lump
and cringed as his fingers made contact with the lump
at (the) dark brown puddle - add
or dizzy."
or dizziness."
He looked at the four men
He looked at each of the four men in turn
I wonder how many secluded cabins there are in a twenty-five mile radius[](?)." Question-thus question mark
That (was) quickly turned - add
Matt entered the discussion
Matt joined in the discussion
A great chapter, Barbara - most enjoyable.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
|
Poor Steven, and my goodness, now
Leya's been kidnapped - what an
unlucky couple
I wonder if I complained about [the] how uncomfortable - lose "the"
and cringed touching the lump
and cringed as his fingers made contact with the lump
at (the) dark brown puddle - add
or dizzy."
or dizziness."
He looked at the four men
He looked at each of the four men in turn
I wonder how many secluded cabins there are in a twenty-five mile radius[](?)." Question-thus question mark
That (was) quickly turned - add
Matt entered the discussion
Matt joined in the discussion
A great chapter, Barbara - most enjoyable.
Margaret.
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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I am off to make those corrections. Thank you for your help and support. I appreciate both.
Comment from adewpearl
they're probably revenging Hector's death - avenging
Do either of you have information that might help us find Leya? - add question mark
Well, this is one serious situation - you explain the complexities of what is unfolding clearly, but that doesn't bog down the exciting drama. I certainly am on pins and needles as I wait to see how they will pull of rescuing Leya from this drug lord who desperately needs to marry her in order to secure his leadership position in the cartel. Brooke
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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they're probably revenging Hector's death - avenging
Do either of you have information that might help us find Leya? - add question mark
Well, this is one serious situation - you explain the complexities of what is unfolding clearly, but that doesn't bog down the exciting drama. I certainly am on pins and needles as I wait to see how they will pull of rescuing Leya from this drug lord who desperately needs to marry her in order to secure his leadership position in the cartel. Brooke
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Dang it. I mess up revenging and avenging each time. Thank you for your kind review and support. I appreciate both.
Comment from RazberryBullet
Oooo!...Peggy, but it looks like she's the government agent who's helping the Martinez Cartel. She's in debt to Carlos somewhere around $150,000 in off(-)shore betting. I have all the details." Nice bit of info!!!
Got a chuckle here: I have a concussion and my brain's working slowly. Give me a break." Michael teased, "Your brain works slowly without a concussion."
suggestion: I don't have a pounding headache, upset stomach, or /dizzy>dizziness/."
Lovely hook, finding Leya--again!
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
|
Oooo!...Peggy, but it looks like she's the government agent who's helping the Martinez Cartel. She's in debt to Carlos somewhere around $150,000 in off(-)shore betting. I have all the details." Nice bit of info!!!
Got a chuckle here: I have a concussion and my brain's working slowly. Give me a break." Michael teased, "Your brain works slowly without a concussion."
suggestion: I don't have a pounding headache, upset stomach, or /dizzy>dizziness/."
Lovely hook, finding Leya--again!
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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I have already fixed a couple of those SPAG's. Thank you for your review and support.
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written with good imagery and descriptive scheme. Now, the fun begins. Good job.
someone (something) hit the back of his head, knocking him unconscious. (He would be in no position to see what had hit him.)
upset stomach, or dizzy." (dizziness)
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
|
This is very well written with good imagery and descriptive scheme. Now, the fun begins. Good job.
someone (something) hit the back of his head, knocking him unconscious. (He would be in no position to see what had hit him.)
upset stomach, or dizzy." (dizziness)
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
-
I fixed those areas. Thank you for your review and the continued support you have given me. I appreciate both.
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You're welcome, Barbara. Charlie
Comment from lola29
This is an exciting chapter, but I'm worried about Leya. It's just too easy these days for someone to be kidnapped. It's funny, but I immediately thought of Peggy having something to do with this. I can't wait for the next chapter.
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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This is an exciting chapter, but I'm worried about Leya. It's just too easy these days for someone to be kidnapped. It's funny, but I immediately thought of Peggy having something to do with this. I can't wait for the next chapter.
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Thank you for your review and continued support. I appreciate both.
Comment from bhogg
Hi Barbara - a great read again. I did notice a couple of spags below. You certainly know how to create tension. I'm anxious to see the last chapter or so. Bill
complained about the how uncomfortable (drop the)
fingerprints they'd gathered to Task Force. Bob, Jim, Derek, and Geoff arrived. (to the task force)
from as few weeks ago (a few weeks)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
|
Hi Barbara - a great read again. I did notice a couple of spags below. You certainly know how to create tension. I'm anxious to see the last chapter or so. Bill
complained about the how uncomfortable (drop the)
fingerprints they'd gathered to Task Force. Bob, Jim, Derek, and Geoff arrived. (to the task force)
from as few weeks ago (a few weeks)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I made the corrections. I hate SPAG.
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Sounds like a great start to a poem
Spag sucks ....
Comment from ladybird
A great reading chapter, where the tension is high from start to finish.
Seems as if it is a race against time to find Leya before something happens to her. Can't wait to read the next one.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
|
A great reading chapter, where the tension is high from start to finish.
Seems as if it is a race against time to find Leya before something happens to her. Can't wait to read the next one.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
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You're welcome.