Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 40 "Chapter 11; part 2"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
61 total reviews
Comment from bookishfabler
Even though I found a few nits to lllok at, I still gave you five because this was such fun.
"That's easy to fix. I was born in upstate rural New
York. I have one older brother, who's active duty Marines (Editor- move sentence up)
"I had two girl friends(-,) at the same time."
I wonder what(?)
She nodded, then said, "I have a feeling they've already figured it out."
(don't need then said, just she nodded works.)
Steven knew the men would have plenty of comments and (he) was ready.
In other words(,)tch your comments around her."
Hope this helps
hugs
Boom
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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Even though I found a few nits to lllok at, I still gave you five because this was such fun.
"That's easy to fix. I was born in upstate rural New
York. I have one older brother, who's active duty Marines (Editor- move sentence up)
"I had two girl friends(-,) at the same time."
I wonder what(?)
She nodded, then said, "I have a feeling they've already figured it out."
(don't need then said, just she nodded works.)
Steven knew the men would have plenty of comments and (he) was ready.
In other words(,)tch your comments around her."
Hope this helps
hugs
Boom
Comment Written 27-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your review. I will get on those immediately.
Comment from RazberryBullet
Leya said, "I need documentation that I'm no longer a virgin." Interesting!
suggestions: "Steven, /You're>you're/ a Task Force...wouldn't approve of you /laying>lying/ naked beside
Well done!
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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Leya said, "I need documentation that I'm no longer a virgin." Interesting!
suggestions: "Steven, /You're>you're/ a Task Force...wouldn't approve of you /laying>lying/ naked beside
Well done!
Comment Written 27-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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Will get on that area. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from apelle
i said this over and over, and i'll say it again Barbara,your writing is solid ,it flows easy making it a wonderful read.
I have nothing but awe and admiration for your craft.
Adina
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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i said this over and over, and i'll say it again Barbara,your writing is solid ,it flows easy making it a wonderful read.
I have nothing but awe and admiration for your craft.
Adina
Comment Written 27-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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Thank you so much for your kind words. I am truly appreciative. When I'm feeling I can't do it, it's support like your's that encourages me to go on.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Barbara,
So they have finally made the marriage a real one. Its very well handled, just enough detail to make it real, not enough to take it off into overkill. I have a feeling though that there will soon be a major showdown.
The story obviously has a way to go yet.
Patrick
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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Hi Barbara,
So they have finally made the marriage a real one. Its very well handled, just enough detail to make it real, not enough to take it off into overkill. I have a feeling though that there will soon be a major showdown.
The story obviously has a way to go yet.
Patrick
Comment Written 27-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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Oh yes, Leya gets herself into some major trouble. Thank you for your review and support.
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
This chapter is a wonderful read. The bits and pieces of romance and the strong characterization was worth reading. I loved the ending and am waiting for the next one.
Best wishes
K
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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This chapter is a wonderful read. The bits and pieces of romance and the strong characterization was worth reading. I loved the ending and am waiting for the next one.
Best wishes
K
Comment Written 27-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and support.
Comment from hyway94
I wonder what is in Leya's head Was she just using Steve or is this doctor for her father. I think you have a good chapter and a great story going. I must find out what is going to happen. Till then I hope you keep writing with no mistakes. With the great flow you have shown to us. Thank you.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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I wonder what is in Leya's head Was she just using Steve or is this doctor for her father. I think you have a good chapter and a great story going. I must find out what is going to happen. Till then I hope you keep writing with no mistakes. With the great flow you have shown to us. Thank you.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your support and review. Leya is getting herself into trouble.
Comment from missy98writer
Barbara,
Oh My God, what is Leya planning to have the doctor document she's no longer a virgin. Great hook at the end. Another wonderful chapter. I'm glad you got enough points to post today. I clicked on your message once alerted. Very tastefully after math. I sense a little jealousy about Steven's ex-girlfriends from Leya. As always excellent descriptive writing. Great narrative and dialogue. The plot thickens like a fat woman's waist. Keep up the outstanding writing my teacher friend. I'd give you a six but Jonez chapter of 'Winds of Adversity' got my last six about thirty minutes ago. There are some wonderful writers on FS.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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Barbara,
Oh My God, what is Leya planning to have the doctor document she's no longer a virgin. Great hook at the end. Another wonderful chapter. I'm glad you got enough points to post today. I clicked on your message once alerted. Very tastefully after math. I sense a little jealousy about Steven's ex-girlfriends from Leya. As always excellent descriptive writing. Great narrative and dialogue. The plot thickens like a fat woman's waist. Keep up the outstanding writing my teacher friend. I'd give you a six but Jonez chapter of 'Winds of Adversity' got my last six about thirty minutes ago. There are some wonderful writers on FS.
Melissa.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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Not a problem about the 6. Just knowing you thought it was good enough is all I need. Thank you for your review and support.
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No, thank you for posting your marvelous story.
Melissa.
Comment from c_lucas
This is a very well written, dialogue driven chapter filling in some background on Steven and Leya. It is a very good setup chapter with an intriquing hook at the end.
Need a class three sexual warning.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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This is a very well written, dialogue driven chapter filling in some background on Steven and Leya. It is a very good setup chapter with an intriquing hook at the end.
Need a class three sexual warning.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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Yes, the hook gets Leya in all sorts of trouble. Thank you for the review and advising me on the sexual warning. I forgot.
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You're welcome, Barbara. Charlie
Comment from Arkine
I suppose her request could mean one of two things. Either she wants to stick it in her family's face, or the other possibility that I can think of is the whole damn thing was a set up for some reason or another. Kind of doubt the last one. Great chatper! Didn't see any nits.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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I suppose her request could mean one of two things. Either she wants to stick it in her family's face, or the other possibility that I can think of is the whole damn thing was a set up for some reason or another. Kind of doubt the last one. Great chatper! Didn't see any nits.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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We will have to see, but I can promise it causes Leya problems. Thank you for the review.
Comment from lola29
This was another very enjoyable chapter, and seemed to be traveling on a very romantic coarse until the end. Now, I'm wondering what Leya is really up to. It's so sad to think that she's just using Steven.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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This was another very enjoyable chapter, and seemed to be traveling on a very romantic coarse until the end. Now, I'm wondering what Leya is really up to. It's so sad to think that she's just using Steven.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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Steven is postive she's using him. We'll have to wait and see. Thank you for your review.
