Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "Chapter 10; part 1"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
64 total reviews
Comment from Readywriter52
Leya is out of the hospital. Steven doesn't want to acknowledge his feelings for her. Leya doesn't want to push him so they are both dancing around each other. They are afraid to acknowledge their feeling for the other.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2010
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Leya is out of the hospital. Steven doesn't want to acknowledge his feelings for her. Leya doesn't want to push him so they are both dancing around each other. They are afraid to acknowledge their feeling for the other.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2010
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You summed it up very nicely. Thank you. Maybe I should have you write my synopsis. Thank you very much for your review.
Comment from iamjoeyC
Hi Barbara,
Sorry I am behind in my reading been out of town a few days, this is coming along nicely,
I am glad to see you remembered to change the safe house after Peggy told Leya's people where the old one was.
Good banter and set-up for the romance. I did have a question or two;
Was Peggy the only female on the team? Without another girl how do they protect her when they are out and she goes in the bathroom?
Where are her other clothes?
And him buying her the blue slacks and blouse is not real. I love my wife to death and I buy her stuff, but I have no idea what size is what, women's clothes work different then men's. I take my daughter with and will give my opinion of her selections.
If you promise not to tell anyone I will tell you a secret, I have read a few of my wife's romances, (if you tell I will deny it and yell liar, liar pant on fire.)
But in many of them where there is this unspoken romance between would-be lovers. Every time they start to tell each other their true feelings about each other, something happens. They get interrupted, of there's an earthquake or bomb or some other similar distraction.
If I were serious about Leya, I don't think I could restrain myself from telling her. If I thought she may not feel the same, I would want the timing to be right , Yes, but I am going to ask fishing questions on the walk. I am going to use the jump in to my arms at the owl hoot, I am going to test the waters with an arm under hers on a slip, I will pull her close because if she pulls away I know I am misreading her,.
if she stays I know I am acceptable, I just need to find out if her comfort with me is as a potential lover or as her brother.
Ok if I m complaining I might as well go all out, there is no mood setting for the walk , I know it's a new safe house you told me so. But is it a clap board box on a hill, or and old film stars secret retreat. What was the view in the back yard, if they didn't walk so I could tell Leya I love her and don't want her to marry the other guy because he is all wrong for her? Then what brought us out in the cool evening air?
There is by my count four guys and one girl Leya, who's watching the road, where is the back up or is there none, to keep security tighter then before.
And the king of the written SPAG found a missing (a)
There was silence, as Steven bent down and picked up a handful of pebbles and threw them one at (a) time into the creek.
Looking forward for the next chapter which most likely answers all
Joey C
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2010
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Hi Barbara,
Sorry I am behind in my reading been out of town a few days, this is coming along nicely,
I am glad to see you remembered to change the safe house after Peggy told Leya's people where the old one was.
Good banter and set-up for the romance. I did have a question or two;
Was Peggy the only female on the team? Without another girl how do they protect her when they are out and she goes in the bathroom?
Where are her other clothes?
And him buying her the blue slacks and blouse is not real. I love my wife to death and I buy her stuff, but I have no idea what size is what, women's clothes work different then men's. I take my daughter with and will give my opinion of her selections.
If you promise not to tell anyone I will tell you a secret, I have read a few of my wife's romances, (if you tell I will deny it and yell liar, liar pant on fire.)
But in many of them where there is this unspoken romance between would-be lovers. Every time they start to tell each other their true feelings about each other, something happens. They get interrupted, of there's an earthquake or bomb or some other similar distraction.
If I were serious about Leya, I don't think I could restrain myself from telling her. If I thought she may not feel the same, I would want the timing to be right , Yes, but I am going to ask fishing questions on the walk. I am going to use the jump in to my arms at the owl hoot, I am going to test the waters with an arm under hers on a slip, I will pull her close because if she pulls away I know I am misreading her,.
if she stays I know I am acceptable, I just need to find out if her comfort with me is as a potential lover or as her brother.
Ok if I m complaining I might as well go all out, there is no mood setting for the walk , I know it's a new safe house you told me so. But is it a clap board box on a hill, or and old film stars secret retreat. What was the view in the back yard, if they didn't walk so I could tell Leya I love her and don't want her to marry the other guy because he is all wrong for her? Then what brought us out in the cool evening air?
There is by my count four guys and one girl Leya, who's watching the road, where is the back up or is there none, to keep security tighter then before.
And the king of the written SPAG found a missing (a)
There was silence, as Steven bent down and picked up a handful of pebbles and threw them one at (a) time into the creek.
Looking forward for the next chapter which most likely answers all
Joey C
Comment Written 04-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2010
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Most of your comments were answered in previous chapters. Thank you for catching the missing 'a' you are the only one who did.s
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Barbara,
It looked pretty good to me so perhaps you have read it and edited it often enough. Good follow on and the relationship between "husband" and "wife" is certainly growing, but can it be sustained - or will the despicable Peggy have another handgrenade handed to her?
The dialogues are sensitive and realistic. Excellent work.
Patrick
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2010
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Hi Barbara,
It looked pretty good to me so perhaps you have read it and edited it often enough. Good follow on and the relationship between "husband" and "wife" is certainly growing, but can it be sustained - or will the despicable Peggy have another handgrenade handed to her?
The dialogues are sensitive and realistic. Excellent work.
Patrick
Comment Written 04-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your review. I apprecaite you taking time to read my work.
Comment from Mariea
Another good chapter Barbara - I'll be interested to see where this is all heading. Characters still consistent and no 'spags' apparent. Story is developing smoothly.
Have a great day. Regards Mia
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2010
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Another good chapter Barbara - I'll be interested to see where this is all heading. Characters still consistent and no 'spags' apparent. Story is developing smoothly.
Have a great day. Regards Mia
Comment Written 04-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from RazberryBullet
I enjoyed the tentative actions of Steven, wanting her, but backing off.
Liked these lines: "Leya in any swimsuit won't be conservative." :)...Look at my finely tuned team. They're acting like coyotes surrounding their prey." LOL!!!
suggestion: a folded paper used as a bookmark /laying>lying/ on the nightstand...
Good job!
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2010
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I enjoyed the tentative actions of Steven, wanting her, but backing off.
Liked these lines: "Leya in any swimsuit won't be conservative." :)...Look at my finely tuned team. They're acting like coyotes surrounding their prey." LOL!!!
suggestion: a folded paper used as a bookmark /laying>lying/ on the nightstand...
Good job!
Comment Written 04-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2010
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I have already taken care of the lying. Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from Arkine
It does seem a bit rushed, especially the last part. I'd just like more details about maybe the sounds of the creek, if there were any other noises beside the owl, or smells? Did she rub her arms to indicate that she was getting chilled, or did he just assume that she would? Stuff like that. Otherwise it read fine, and it'd be fine the way it is, those were just my thoughts on it. :)
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2010
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It does seem a bit rushed, especially the last part. I'd just like more details about maybe the sounds of the creek, if there were any other noises beside the owl, or smells? Did she rub her arms to indicate that she was getting chilled, or did he just assume that she would? Stuff like that. Otherwise it read fine, and it'd be fine the way it is, those were just my thoughts on it. :)
Comment Written 04-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2010
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I will take a look at those areas. Thank for your review.
Comment from Kellytr
Barbara, I thought this might be the first kiss - you really know how to keep the reader hooked. Another great chapter - can hardly wait to see where the swimsuit is leading. Kelly
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2010
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Barbara, I thought this might be the first kiss - you really know how to keep the reader hooked. Another great chapter - can hardly wait to see where the swimsuit is leading. Kelly
Comment Written 04-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Rama Rao
Excellent.
It didn't look like you posted it too soon.
The story is moving forward nicely, but a bit slow in this chapter.
It is better this way to slow things a bit occasionally.
In the last sentence, you wrote - afraid of where a kiss might lead. The word afraid may be changed. Not sure where it might lead or guessing. Why should they be afraid of anything? Just a suggestion.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2010
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Excellent.
It didn't look like you posted it too soon.
The story is moving forward nicely, but a bit slow in this chapter.
It is better this way to slow things a bit occasionally.
In the last sentence, you wrote - afraid of where a kiss might lead. The word afraid may be changed. Not sure where it might lead or guessing. Why should they be afraid of anything? Just a suggestion.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from c_lucas
Very well written. I think Steven is in the lead for Superman of the Year Award. He is maintaining his control. You're doing a good job in building your characters.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Very well written. I think Steven is in the lead for Superman of the Year Award. He is maintaining his control. You're doing a good job in building your characters.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate your continued support .
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You're welcome, Barbara. Charlie
Comment from missy98writer
Barbara,
You teased us at the ending. I was screaming at my computer screen "Kiss her Steve." Another wonderful chapter of 'Tantalizing Eyes.' Excellent dialogue and descriptive writing. You sure like drawing out their relationship. Sometimes old fashioned courting is more sexy than purple prose. Bless you for posting on a Thursday. I hope there is more for you to post over the weekend. You left us hanging with what will happen next.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Barbara,
You teased us at the ending. I was screaming at my computer screen "Kiss her Steve." Another wonderful chapter of 'Tantalizing Eyes.' Excellent dialogue and descriptive writing. You sure like drawing out their relationship. Sometimes old fashioned courting is more sexy than purple prose. Bless you for posting on a Thursday. I hope there is more for you to post over the weekend. You left us hanging with what will happen next.
Melissa.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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If I get enough pumps, I will post again this weekend. I am a true believer that less is more. When Steven and Leya finally do get together, it will be worth your wild. Thank you.
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Oh Barbara, I was just teasing. I need to challenge myself and write a chaste romance with very little love scene. I need to work on my next chapter of Victoria and Dylan's story. I'm working on the next two chapters and I've only done a partial outline.
Melissa.
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I can't wait for your next posts.
