CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "The Liar"A collection of poetry
59 total reviews
Comment from Roisin
Wow! I have to give you a six for that for the sheer genius of it! I love the form but it scares the hell out of me! I love the words you've used and how you've structured them. I love how the poem sounds when read aloud. I just love everything about it. It seems as though it was a difficult one to write? Did it take you long? Anyway, I don't see myself trying any time soon. I'm not so brave. Great job. Well worth the six.
Hugs
Roisin x
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
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Wow! I have to give you a six for that for the sheer genius of it! I love the form but it scares the hell out of me! I love the words you've used and how you've structured them. I love how the poem sounds when read aloud. I just love everything about it. It seems as though it was a difficult one to write? Did it take you long? Anyway, I don't see myself trying any time soon. I'm not so brave. Great job. Well worth the six.
Hugs
Roisin x
Comment Written 25-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
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Roisin, man-oh-man-oh-man!!!! Have you made my day and night!! I've been hammered by two 4-stars on two small "misunderstandings" and you "get it"! With your awesome Sixer! The best compliment is your saying it scares the hell out of you! LMAO!!! Yes, it took me awhile. I didn't want to be "preachy", but to create awareness, if you know what I mean. Kind of pulling the mask off the bastard! LOL! SO happy you liked this one. From you, it means so much! With warmest regards, Sue
Comment from Hitcher
I would have to say I'm not sure about this one Sue, it has nothing to do with what you have written, you are a perfectionist, it's more the Villianelle and how it feels to me when I read it. It's the repetitive structure that I cannot get my head around, I don't think I'll be trying one myself, but Hey! You did a masterly job of writing one friend, sorry just me being honest![don't hate me!!!!!!!!]...please, ha ha...ha.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
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I would have to say I'm not sure about this one Sue, it has nothing to do with what you have written, you are a perfectionist, it's more the Villianelle and how it feels to me when I read it. It's the repetitive structure that I cannot get my head around, I don't think I'll be trying one myself, but Hey! You did a masterly job of writing one friend, sorry just me being honest![don't hate me!!!!!!!!]...please, ha ha...ha.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
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You blankety-blank )(*&$^& , !#^$*(, )($@$ !!!!!!!!! :-))
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Can I buy you an icecream!
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Sorry....takes more than THAT to get me to makeup with someone!!!
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Did I say with sprinkles? haha. Take it easy Sue
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NOW, you've got the right idea! HA!!
Comment from fayesh
I thought you did a great job, but I had one reservation - you personify regret, yet you use the pronoun "its". For example: " Deny that liar the air of (its) threat. Shouldn't it be "Deny the liar the air of threat" OR "Deny the liar the air of his threat."
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
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I thought you did a great job, but I had one reservation - you personify regret, yet you use the pronoun "its". For example: " Deny that liar the air of (its) threat. Shouldn't it be "Deny the liar the air of threat" OR "Deny the liar the air of his threat."
Comment Written 25-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
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No, it's a suggestion for someone to deny the liar (regret) its existence (it's air) of threat. Maybe it should be "Deny the liar its air of threat". Whaddya think?
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No, I'm back to my original. "Deny that liar the air of its threat". I like the metaphor of "air". As, it can be up to us to extinguish it. But, thank you very much for your review! Sue :-))
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Sue, there is nothing wrong with the metaphor "air". What I questioned was the word the "its" referred back to. I assumed it referred back to "liar".Only humans can be liars ; therefore, "he" or "she". Of course, you are the poet and this is your poem; so be "its". :)) Faye
Comment from Reverie
First I want to commend you on writing the villanelle ala Dylan - a feat in itself and I thought you did very well. But for me it was a bit tough to read - mainly because I don't think one of the lines you repeat was all that clear or strong - "Deny that liar the air of its threat". I kept having to re-read that line to get it right and make sense of it. Perhaps I am a bit daft. Otherwise, very ambitious and well done!
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reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
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First I want to commend you on writing the villanelle ala Dylan - a feat in itself and I thought you did very well. But for me it was a bit tough to read - mainly because I don't think one of the lines you repeat was all that clear or strong - "Deny that liar the air of its threat". I kept having to re-read that line to get it right and make sense of it. Perhaps I am a bit daft. Otherwise, very ambitious and well done!
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Comment Written 25-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
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"Deny that liar the air of its threat" is at the same time a direct statement and with metaphor. "Air" is what allows something to live and breathe. If you deny something that life (air), you can prevail. To me, it's a very strong line. But thank you very much for your review. Sue :-)
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Reverie, out of respect, there has not been one person who has questioned the meaning of that line. It would be much appreciated if you did re-visit it (perhaps tomorrow), as it is not cryptic. And is, basically, the essence of the poem. With regards, Sue
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No need to defend. I acknowledge and accept that my opinion is exclusive to me, and have no doubt that others may feel differently. I believe that is what makes the world go round and is what makes creative work and constructive criticism go hand in hand. Not everyone can possibly see things or interpret things the same way. It seems, given your insistence on defending your work, you may have a bit of difficulty with that irrefutable truth. However, out of respect for you & your work, I did reread it. It does work better for me now in light of your explanation of it, but it did not before your attempt to explain it. Regardless, like I said in my review, I thought it was a really good piece of writing. I look forward to reading more.
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I have no difficulty whatsoever with the truth of everyone having a different opinion. Across the board in life. And in the arts. I receive 4 stars every day and do not defend my work.
The only reason I came back to you was because you said you didn't understand one line. Out of an entire poem. I read a lot of poetry and sometimes there is one line that I just don't completely get. From writers here on FS to the classics. And I don't deem them as "work needed".
You did not need to insult me by saying I had a problem with "that irrefutable truth".
I reached out with a bit of communication and the only thing you could come up with was an insult? Very immature.
A simple, "I stand by my review" would have sufficed. It's done all the time here on FS.
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I didn't intend anything as an insult. My apologies if it came across as such. I was just responding to you pointing out at no one else felt as I did about that line, and I was speaking specifically to that point alone. I meant no offense.
Comment from RapturedHeart
This is just excellent, Sue. I should tape this up somewhere for the next time that liar comes around. So often I find myself under the heavy weight of past failures - and even things I'm not even sure if I've failed in or not! Can really snowball and bury you alive. Thanks for coming up with this - you've obviously met the monster yourself:). Take care,
Heather
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
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This is just excellent, Sue. I should tape this up somewhere for the next time that liar comes around. So often I find myself under the heavy weight of past failures - and even things I'm not even sure if I've failed in or not! Can really snowball and bury you alive. Thanks for coming up with this - you've obviously met the monster yourself:). Take care,
Heather
Comment Written 25-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
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Heather, that's why it's the liar. We walk around with inappropriate regret (actually, we should have none anyway!). I have to say that regret has never been a part of me (thank God!...I couldn't take on another burden! HA!). But, I've witnessed it take a tremendous toll on a few people. It keeps them in the past, mulling over what they 'should' have done. I just feel that I made decisions based on the information I had on hand at the time. Now, guilt? That's another subject! LOL!! Thanks so much for sharing your feelings and for your great review. Sue :-)
Comment from Deejharrington
This is extremely powerful theme and words. The voice is strong and easy to understand. The repeating adds to the message not just a structure of villanelle. I enjoyed reading this and agree with the thoughts completely.
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This is extremely powerful theme and words. The voice is strong and easy to understand. The repeating adds to the message not just a structure of villanelle. I enjoyed reading this and agree with the thoughts completely.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2009
Comment from Judian James
I love Dylan Thomas and especially the poem you mentioned.
This is excellent Sue. One line could read a bit smoother with the slightest tweak: "Decisions of past, it points a finger of blame" could read "decisions of past, pointing finger of blame" for a better flow and syllable count. Otherwise, excellent
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
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I love Dylan Thomas and especially the poem you mentioned.
This is excellent Sue. One line could read a bit smoother with the slightest tweak: "Decisions of past, it points a finger of blame" could read "decisions of past, pointing finger of blame" for a better flow and syllable count. Otherwise, excellent
Comment Written 25-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2009
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Jude, one last look at the work before I posted it, I still didn't like that one line. Thank you SO much for confirming that suspicion! HA! And for your remedy! It works perfectly! And thank you for your very kind review. Sue :-)
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It's amazing what a new set of eyes can do, isn't it?
Comment from WRITER1
Having second thoughts and regretting what you should have done is always a sad thing. When you look back on it. This is a good piece.
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Having second thoughts and regretting what you should have done is always a sad thing. When you look back on it. This is a good piece.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2009
Comment from adewpearl
I find the villanelle really challenging and I love that poem. You've done a fine job accepting the challenge. Good form, haunting tone, strong imagery. Well done, Sue. Brooke
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I find the villanelle really challenging and I love that poem. You've done a fine job accepting the challenge. Good form, haunting tone, strong imagery. Well done, Sue. Brooke
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Comment Written 25-Mar-2009