CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Divided, We Fell"A collection of poetry
58 total reviews
Comment from rhymelord
Sue, Is this any recognised rhyme/metre scheme. Just a question. I'm not complaining because it reads so beautifully. Just curious.
Regards
Reg
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
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Sue, Is this any recognised rhyme/metre scheme. Just a question. I'm not complaining because it reads so beautifully. Just curious.
Regards
Reg
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
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Not that I know of. Just "felt" this rhyme pattern for this piece. Thanks for your lovely compliments and review. Sue :-)
Comment from rama devi
A very sad tale told with sincere sentiments of regret mixed with acceptance.. like the simple rhyming style. I think using the cliche 'grass is greener' weakens the poem. But that is just one opinion!~
Loss is painful, and if this is not fictional, I send you healing thoughts of unity and love for future reference.
:)
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
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A very sad tale told with sincere sentiments of regret mixed with acceptance.. like the simple rhyming style. I think using the cliche 'grass is greener' weakens the poem. But that is just one opinion!~
Loss is painful, and if this is not fictional, I send you healing thoughts of unity and love for future reference.
:)
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
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Yes, and it was one of the WORST cliches! LOL!! Changed it. Thanks for bringing me back in line. HA!! Thank you for your very kind review. Sue
Comment from The Winter Bard
This is beautiful. It's tragic and quite lovely in its expression of grief and earlier happiness. I love the language you use. These are five stars well earned!
Ryan ;)
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This is beautiful. It's tragic and quite lovely in its expression of grief and earlier happiness. I love the language you use. These are five stars well earned!
Ryan ;)
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
Comment from words
Well wrought poem of heartbreak and abaondon.
Especially liked the closing line:Divided hence, how did this ebb consume our future tide
Found one line a little confusing:"Then getting lost, you tossed aside your family for your pride "
Not sure how pride comes in here.
Liked the description of the effect of this on the children:With children hurting, full of hate
So splintered now; we once were eight
Well done.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
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Well wrought poem of heartbreak and abaondon.
Especially liked the closing line:Divided hence, how did this ebb consume our future tide
Found one line a little confusing:"Then getting lost, you tossed aside your family for your pride "
Not sure how pride comes in here.
Liked the description of the effect of this on the children:With children hurting, full of hate
So splintered now; we once were eight
Well done.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
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In order to understand the "pride" part, a book would need to be written. Suffice it to say, that pride and ego play huge roles in people's own self-destruction. They forget what is important in life and also forget priorities beyond themselves. Thank you so much for your great review. Sue
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Ah, I see now. Thank you for the clarification. I was not thinking deeply enough about the concept. Thank you.
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No problem...glad you brought it up. Who knows? It could have been a weak point in my poem. Always love to hear what people hear. Thank you!!
Comment from Jazh
This is a very thought-provoking poem, Sue. I enjoyed it, although the story it told was a sad one. It flows really well, and I particularly liked the rhyme scheme. The last two lines finish it well. :)
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This is a very thought-provoking poem, Sue. I enjoyed it, although the story it told was a sad one. It flows really well, and I particularly liked the rhyme scheme. The last two lines finish it well. :)
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
Comment from Schizoid Poet
bummer. this makes me feel for the author. because it seems like the issue here is one familiar in our times and the way this is written remind the reader how real it is for the person experiencing it and it sets ones empathy reserves flowing. this was a moving piece.
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bummer. this makes me feel for the author. because it seems like the issue here is one familiar in our times and the way this is written remind the reader how real it is for the person experiencing it and it sets ones empathy reserves flowing. this was a moving piece.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
Comment from pilarblue
This is a sad story on loss. The most heartbreaking part is that there are kids that suffer along with you. I can relate to that kind of hardship. Thanks for sharing your beautifully written, heartfelt poem. Nice work.
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This is a sad story on loss. The most heartbreaking part is that there are kids that suffer along with you. I can relate to that kind of hardship. Thanks for sharing your beautifully written, heartfelt poem. Nice work.
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Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
Comment from Kentucky Sweet Pea
suz,
sounds like you're like the rest of us and you've been through it. the question is, do you give up completely on them or strive for the rebuilding of the love you hold in your heart. i did the latter and remarried my man. he is devoted.
love,
pen
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reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
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suz,
sounds like you're like the rest of us and you've been through it. the question is, do you give up completely on them or strive for the rebuilding of the love you hold in your heart. i did the latter and remarried my man. he is devoted.
love,
pen
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Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
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Pen, that is awesome news! To get back what one once had it great. We tried for over 6 years to come to terms with it all. Had to move on. Thanks so much for your great review. Sue
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it's all awesome news when it comes from the revelation that is enlightenment.
yours,
pen