Comment from mermaids

Excellent

Excellent free verse form that captures this unusual being as she hovers from flower to flower. "Tipsy wraiths that waft from cup to cup" is my favorite line. It gives a clear image to the reader.

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017

I appreciate your complimentary review, Mermaids. Thank you!
I have amended the poem slightly, altering the end and adding a few more lines
Best wishes, Tony

Comment from Curly Girly

Excellent

Hi, Tony. I enjoyed reading your well-written poem about Hawk Moths.
I reckon this is the fanciest and most well-penned these fat flying creatures have ever had written about them.
I liked this part:
to kiss the sequined, velvet dress of night
on wings of moonlit lace,
idealising love.

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017

I appreciate your complimentary review, Nicole. Thank you!
They are ugly looking critters, aren't they?
I have amended the poem slightly, altering the end and adding a few more lines
Best wishes, Tony

Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

Hi Tony. An excellent write on the romantic life of the hawk moth, although I never really gave it thought before reading your poem. The pheromone reference combined with the other lines are darned near erotic.
"tipsy wraiths that waft from cup to cup,
with casual promiscuity,
till lifted by a sultry sigh"
A beautifully composed piece (if I may be so bold). Nice alliteration in several places. Marilyn

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017

I appreciate your complimentary review, Marilyn. Thank you!
I have amended the poem slightly, altering the end and adding a few more lines
Best wishes, Tony

Comment from Thal1959

Excellent

Boy, Tony... you took that from a moth to a near sultry and seductive theme. If you would have gone any further, the piece might have ended up x-rated!

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017

I've always known, from my early childhood, that the birds and the bees were at it! Moths, too, it seems.

reply by Thal1959 on 23-Jul-2017

Good reply, T.

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

The picture does indeed look like a sparrow hawk. Your free verse should soar well in the contest, it describes nights I have known, although I think we have no hawk moths here...

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017

Thanks, Red. I very much appreciate your kind review. Best wishes, Tony

Comment from Taffspride

Exceptional

A delightful write and a strong contender for the free verse contest.

I have often mistaken the Hawk moth. I love "tipsy wraiths" that really set the tone of the poem. But my favorite lines are:-

'to kiss the sequined, velvet dress of night
on wings of moonlit lace,'

Great job, Good luck in the contest.

Iechyd da

Ann

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017

Thanks, Ann. I very much appreciate your kind review and the six-star award. I gather that there are varieties in the US called honey-eater moths. I can see why! Best wishes, Tony

Comment from catch22

Excellent

Hi T, this is a lovely free verse snapshot of a moment caught in time. I think this write has gorgeous imagery and a clever metaphor, but it does not have a personal connection that I would expect in a great free verse. I think you start to make the connection in the last line, but I think there needs to be a bit more of you in this write for me to really feel a connection to these images as a human being. Nonetheless, I wish you the best in the contest.

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017

I particularly appreciate this review, as I had originally written the poem with a more explicit connection that I edited out. Now you make me wonder if it was, perhaps the better ending. The original was:
The air tonight?s distilled from jasmine flowers,
a whiff of pheromone.
Hawk moths hover,
tipsy wraiths that waft from cup to cup,
with casual promiscuity,
till lifted by a sultry sigh
to kiss the sequined, velvet dress of night
on wings of moonlit lace,
So, too, our lust for life
Is overarched by purer love
as we lift our eyes to gaze,
in awe,
upon eternity.

reply by catch22 on 23-Jul-2017

Hi T, I like this better. I would end with a concrete image though instead of an abstract like eternity. Glad to be of help.

Comment from sharonlshelley

Excellent

a lovely poem about a hawk moth i don't really know what one of them are but the poem was lovely with the picture, good luck in the competition and thanks for sharing, Sharon

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017

Thanks, Sharon. I very much appreciate your kind review. I think that in parts of the US they are called honey-eater moths Best wishes, Tony

Comment from Pantygynt

Exceptional

You seem to be making a habit of these little gems of free verse that demonstrate not only the poet's art but the naturalist's poers of observation. This is delightful piece that makes the reader feel as if he or she was out there on the stoep with a glass of wine watching the antics of these creatures.

Yes I know stoep is South African but I don't know how the Australian equivalent is called.

Despite being described as free verse the final analysis is a poem with a distinct shape or pattern that creates the unity for the piece. I love it.

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017

Thanks Jim. I appreciate bot your words and the affirmation of your stars. All the best, Tony

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hi Tony, this is a beautiful free verse which gave me great pleasure to read. You've chosen such wonderful words to describe a vivid imagery. I liked it very, very much and wish you good luck in the contest. All the best. Ulla:))

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2017

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017

Very many thanks for your review, Ulla. Much appreciated. Tony