Haiku Club Challenges, Book II
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "his knees ache (senryu)"an anthology of haiku written by fanstory poets
76 total reviews
Comment from LaRosa
I feel the physical pain right along with the runner and hear his prayer to be enabled to finish the race. We could be watching a news cast about a special run, or even a particular runner. The imagery is vivid.
I'm also thinking about the Senior Olympics that are taking place this week; and the Special Olympics not far away. So many courageous hearts push past pain to do more than 'endure'.
I remember too that I actually ran a 5K once after knee damage, and I didn't come in last!
Plus, isn't this a lesson on all things painful? Emotional, mental, physical?
A lot said in 3 short, perfect lines!
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017
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I feel the physical pain right along with the runner and hear his prayer to be enabled to finish the race. We could be watching a news cast about a special run, or even a particular runner. The imagery is vivid.
I'm also thinking about the Senior Olympics that are taking place this week; and the Special Olympics not far away. So many courageous hearts push past pain to do more than 'endure'.
I remember too that I actually ran a 5K once after knee damage, and I didn't come in last!
Plus, isn't this a lesson on all things painful? Emotional, mental, physical?
A lot said in 3 short, perfect lines!
Comment Written 19-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017
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What, LaRosa? You ran a 5K after knee damage and didn't come in last? Congrats to you!
I crafted a poem of vivid images. Each line builds upon the proceeding one. There is a life lesson in my poem.
Thank you for your generous, six star review. I appreciate it.
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi Andre,
What a great pic! I have been doing a walking challenge with two of my friends this summer, but we've only been walking once a week. It is trail walking so there are hills and uneven terrain, but we're having fun with it, too. We started with a 5K at the beginning of summer. I applaud your efforts walking 5 miles per day, my feet wouldn't thank me for that lol
Great job with your senryu... that finish line in sight is always a glorious thing to behold!
Kim
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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Hi Andre,
What a great pic! I have been doing a walking challenge with two of my friends this summer, but we've only been walking once a week. It is trail walking so there are hills and uneven terrain, but we're having fun with it, too. We started with a 5K at the beginning of summer. I applaud your efforts walking 5 miles per day, my feet wouldn't thank me for that lol
Great job with your senryu... that finish line in sight is always a glorious thing to behold!
Kim
Comment Written 19-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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Yes, Kim, these races are fun. Thank you for your review. Keep walking!
Comment from Susanjohn
LOVE THIS!!!! and congratulations!! You did it!!..great smile BTW...now this poem..wonderful..few little words with big big imagery...nice job!!! :-)))
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017
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LOVE THIS!!!! and congratulations!! You did it!!..great smile BTW...now this poem..wonderful..few little words with big big imagery...nice job!!! :-)))
Comment Written 19-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017
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Oh, thank you, susanjohn, for your generous, six star review. Even though I limped near last and in pain one hour, two minutes and fifty-seven seconds later, I am proud that I finished the race. Thank you for the congratulations.
Comment from catch22
Hi SC, I thought you did a great job painting a mental image in the reader's mind with great use of word economy. Maybe I missed something, but I am not sure how wry the final line actually is in my thinking. I don't really see this as being that biting. Just my thoughts on this write. Glad you are feeling up to jogging again.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017
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Hi SC, I thought you did a great job painting a mental image in the reader's mind with great use of word economy. Maybe I missed something, but I am not sure how wry the final line actually is in my thinking. I don't really see this as being that biting. Just my thoughts on this write. Glad you are feeling up to jogging again.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017
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Yes, catch22, I am up to jogging again. I jogged half a mile this evening. You are right about the satori not being biting, but I have already swept past that finish line and am approaching my next poem. Thank you for your review of my poem which painted a mental picture in the reader's mind.
Comment from Kerry Foley
This is an awesome senryu, Andre. Wow, so that's you? You run? God bless you, I'd be lucky if I ran five feet, I'd never survive a 5K, lol, I'd be laid out, lol ~Kerry
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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This is an awesome senryu, Andre. Wow, so that's you? You run? God bless you, I'd be lucky if I ran five feet, I'd never survive a 5K, lol, I'd be laid out, lol ~Kerry
Comment Written 19-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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Nah, Kerry, I did not run that day but limp and hobble. I usually walk, but my doctor diagnosed me with neuroma--ball of foot pain--from walking too much on bad sneakers. So I got new shoes, physical therapy, and foot exercises. Now I am back to picking up my speed and jogging. Thank you for your review and blessings.
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Well enjoy your new shoes. Enjoy nature as you walk, my friend:))
Comment from Nikki-Nicole
After reading 'His Knees Ache', I consider it to be a good Senryu.
It consists of three lines and has a syllable count of 3-7-5
After completing a 5K run, his knees should ache. By morning, his body will be sore for sure. Better get out the Epson Salt.
The image shown describes the words of this poem. The background goes well with the picture and color of font selected.
Thanks for sharing.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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After reading 'His Knees Ache', I consider it to be a good Senryu.
It consists of three lines and has a syllable count of 3-7-5
After completing a 5K run, his knees should ache. By morning, his body will be sore for sure. Better get out the Epson Salt.
The image shown describes the words of this poem. The background goes well with the picture and color of font selected.
Thanks for sharing.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
Comment Written 19-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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Thank you, Nicole, for your review and for wishing me success in my future writing.
Comment from dragonpoet
Congrats on finishing the 5k run. But I'm sorry it brought you such pain. Good to know your are better now.
Good senryu. I see you got a t-shirt and a medal. I usually get a shirt and one other item when I do the 5k on Mother's for Breast Cancer.
Keep writing
Joan
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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Congrats on finishing the 5k run. But I'm sorry it brought you such pain. Good to know your are better now.
Good senryu. I see you got a t-shirt and a medal. I usually get a shirt and one other item when I do the 5k on Mother's for Breast Cancer.
Keep writing
Joan
Comment Written 19-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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Thank you, Joan, for your review and for congratulating me on finishing the race. It was fun and I'm back running.
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You're welcome. Good for you.
Joan
Comment from kiwigirl2821
You have such a beautiful smile and the look of accomplishment is awesome! I understood immediately what you felt like with this little Senryu. That last line says it all ... "finish line in sight" ... I bet a finish line never looked so sweet! Great work Andre. You are king! xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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You have such a beautiful smile and the look of accomplishment is awesome! I understood immediately what you felt like with this little Senryu. That last line says it all ... "finish line in sight" ... I bet a finish line never looked so sweet! Great work Andre. You are king! xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 19-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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Yes, Kiwi, after one hour, two minutes, and fifty-seven second, that finish line was sweet. Thank you for your review.
Comment from briannaellison
Great job, I feel tired and pain just reading this! You captured the feeling of finishing a race with the end in sight. I think this could also relate to life - there are so many painful things to go through in life but at the end there is joy in having overcome those trials.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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Great job, I feel tired and pain just reading this! You captured the feeling of finishing a race with the end in sight. I think this could also relate to life - there are so many painful things to go through in life but at the end there is joy in having overcome those trials.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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Thank you, Brianna, for your generous, six star review. Many reviewers have stated that my poem could relate to life, too.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Five Kilometers, that's not just a walk in the park. It's quite a run and anyone who has participated in similar running events knows this all too well, Andre.
We had several while I was in the Marine Corps.
Limping or not, you still managed to cross the finish line. That's quite an accomplishment and something to be proud of.
Thanks for sharing your story in senryu form.
Well done,
~Dean
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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Five Kilometers, that's not just a walk in the park. It's quite a run and anyone who has participated in similar running events knows this all too well, Andre.
We had several while I was in the Marine Corps.
Limping or not, you still managed to cross the finish line. That's quite an accomplishment and something to be proud of.
Thanks for sharing your story in senryu form.
Well done,
~Dean
Comment Written 19-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
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Yes, Dean, I was so slow, that they held the next race for kids. I limped across the finish line surrounded by kids who outraced me. Many proud parents with cameras photographed me when they photographed their kids. I am proud I finished the race.
Thank you for your review of my senryu which told a story.
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You're very welcome, Andre. :)
