Knock, Knock, Who's There?
An old lady in trouble.50 total reviews
Comment from Mustang Patty
thank you for sharing this very entertaining story. I loved your metaphors and analogies. The piece moves along at a good pace, and I was captured from the first words, and glued to the page until the end. Good luck in the contest,
~patty~
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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thank you for sharing this very entertaining story. I loved your metaphors and analogies. The piece moves along at a good pace, and I was captured from the first words, and glued to the page until the end. Good luck in the contest,
~patty~
Comment Written 30-May-2017
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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Thank you so much, Patty, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A black comedy with a chilling end for some! I really enjoyed this story and you stopped just at the right place with an explanation, fascinating stuff, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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A black comedy with a chilling end for some! I really enjoyed this story and you stopped just at the right place with an explanation, fascinating stuff, love Dolly x
Comment Written 30-May-2017
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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Thank you so much, Dolly, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated! :-)
Comment from Leena
Yes, a pretty long one indeed but curiosity kept me glued till the end; so did the humour and unexpected turn of events mentioned. Sad that the old lady had to go through all this but also liked her reaction at every episode. An amusing and interesting narrative. Good luck.
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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Yes, a pretty long one indeed but curiosity kept me glued till the end; so did the humour and unexpected turn of events mentioned. Sad that the old lady had to go through all this but also liked her reaction at every episode. An amusing and interesting narrative. Good luck.
Comment Written 30-May-2017
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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Thank you so much, Leena, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Good story. I like her style. LOL! So she went free again? I predict another drug dealer will end up dead.. will she be more careful this time or finally get caught?
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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Good story. I like her style. LOL! So she went free again? I predict another drug dealer will end up dead.. will she be more careful this time or finally get caught?
Comment Written 30-May-2017
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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Thank you so much, Phyllis, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words are greatly appreciated! I never know what is going to happen next when I write. Heck, sometimes I don't even know what's happening when I read them back. :-)
Comment from LaRosa
All I can say is: Don't Mess With God!!
What a scary, frustrating, story line. You had my attention and several of my emotions, the whole time.
Never expected the twist at the end, even though I did catch and wonder at the "oops" statement.
Well done!
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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All I can say is: Don't Mess With God!!
What a scary, frustrating, story line. You had my attention and several of my emotions, the whole time.
Never expected the twist at the end, even though I did catch and wonder at the "oops" statement.
Well done!
Comment Written 30-May-2017
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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Thank you so much, LaRosa, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated! :-)
Comment from Ricky1024
A well written suspense.
With a twist ending.
The seriousness of the police and her nasty respose lead you away as she is an old lady with religious themes.
Imagery and theme sjow through.
An easy read.
Thanks,
Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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A well written suspense.
With a twist ending.
The seriousness of the police and her nasty respose lead you away as she is an old lady with religious themes.
Imagery and theme sjow through.
An easy read.
Thanks,
Ricky 1024
Comment Written 30-May-2017
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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Thank you so much, Ricky1024, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated! :-)
Comment from Poetic Friend
This is an intriguing story because of the mixed emotions it allows the reader to experience. There were moments when I laughed, I was angry about the treatment of the elderly woman, and I empathized with the elderly woman.
Thank God she was released.
Although this story sort of takes a life of its own and grew, grew, it was a delight to read from commencement to ending.
Thank you for sharing, and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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This is an intriguing story because of the mixed emotions it allows the reader to experience. There were moments when I laughed, I was angry about the treatment of the elderly woman, and I empathized with the elderly woman.
Thank God she was released.
Although this story sort of takes a life of its own and grew, grew, it was a delight to read from commencement to ending.
Thank you for sharing, and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 30-May-2017
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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Thank you so much, Poetic Friend, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated! :-)
Comment from c_lucas
This is a far fetching story with an unusual ending. There is a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Your post has very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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This is a far fetching story with an unusual ending. There is a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Your post has very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 30-May-2017
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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Thank you so much, Charlie, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated! :-)
Comment from kiwisteveh
Oh, no! You ruined it.
I was enjoying the feisty Delia telling her story and mixing it with the nasty types in the cells and all those brutal policemen and women, when suddenly you switched into telling her tale in the third person. All the fun vanished out of it right there, like someone chucked a bucket of cold water over me. I can only think that you found it difficult to explain the events telling them from Delia's point of view. To make it worse, I am still confused how the wallet and checkbook ended up in the drug-dealer's house...
Steve
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reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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Oh, no! You ruined it.
I was enjoying the feisty Delia telling her story and mixing it with the nasty types in the cells and all those brutal policemen and women, when suddenly you switched into telling her tale in the third person. All the fun vanished out of it right there, like someone chucked a bucket of cold water over me. I can only think that you found it difficult to explain the events telling them from Delia's point of view. To make it worse, I am still confused how the wallet and checkbook ended up in the drug-dealer's house...
Steve
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-May-2017
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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I'm sorry you missed understanding some of the things that make the story its best.I changed from first person simply to give an explanation ending to what had happened in the story. The story ended when Delia was released from jail for lack of evidence. Then, the last parts tells you that Delia slipped out of church when she was supposed to be working in the nursery, and left her purse checkbook holder and wallet at the crime scene. I'm really curious that without mistakes and a well written piece, what I could have done better to receive better than "Good?" Thanks for reading.
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Like I said, I was bamboozled about why you totally changed the point of view and I also have no idea what Delia, a respected church member, was doing at a drug dealer's den or who actually got murdered or how the look-alike figures into the equation...
I'd be happy enough if you sent Delia home happily giggling because she'd got away with murder, but there has to be some sort of justification.
However, the main reason for the four stars remains the abrupt switch to third person - it threw me right off and I didn't even want to read on.
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Appreciate your taking time to fill me in on your thoughts. I changed the viewpoint to add a more abrupt change, which was my favorite part of the story. Delia was a well respected church member, but with a warped sense of right and wrong, which is why she went to kill the drug dealer. Cleansing the world of the dregs of society, as I said. I'm sorry you didn't like it, but I couldn't appreciate your honesty any more. Thanks again. :-)
Comment from emptypage
This was wildly entertaining. I'm guessing you are a male, though. I love this character. I love the ending. I enjoy her foul mouth, even though you never really swear.
One error:
"However, things were not exactly, as they had seemed." --you don't need (and shouldn't use) the comma after "exactly."
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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This was wildly entertaining. I'm guessing you are a male, though. I love this character. I love the ending. I enjoy her foul mouth, even though you never really swear.
One error:
"However, things were not exactly, as they had seemed." --you don't need (and shouldn't use) the comma after "exactly."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-May-2017
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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I know I don't have to use the comma after exactly, it's a choice I made to add emphasis. Your kind words, suggestion, and generous review are greatly appreciated! :-)
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I was trying to be subtle. When you use that comma, it creates a fragment.. In this case, it created two. The only time you use a comma after exactly is when it is used as an exclamation. English teacher for 25 years. You can look it up. I was just trying to help.
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Thanks for your subtlety, but it wasn't necessary. I sincerely appreciated your suggestion. I thought exactly was exclamation enough. There are four fragments in this story, sorry, now six. I'm sure you are technically spot on with what's right and wrong according to standards. Fortunately, for me, I can choose what to write and how I punctuate for myself. I'm not a teacher. Actually, three years ago I didn't know a noun from a verb. But I'm having fun, and that's really all that matters to me. Thanks, again. :-)
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I'm glad you are having fun. And it always comes down to what the writer wants to do. But keep in mind, please, that grammar, like math, does have absolute wrongs and rights. I was honest-to-god just trying to help.
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I promise, I never thought otherwise. I took your suggestion just as you had offered it. And it is greatly appreciated! Please never stop pointing out things I do wrong, or anyone else. How will we ever know what's right if you or someone doesn't offer your expertise. :-)
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Oh, and one more thing, I think I really like you. It's always nice to know when people are truly caring. :-)
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Okay, you are not a male after all. LOL.
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Yes, I'm all male. :-)