Hallelujah
You Don't Really Care For Music, Do You?45 total reviews
Comment from Sasha
This is superb. You not only got the dialogue down you did it with more than two people. I don't think I have ever read one that was this good. You have a top rate contender for this contest. I sincerely wish you all the best. As I already said, terrific work with this one.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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This is superb. You not only got the dialogue down you did it with more than two people. I don't think I have ever read one that was this good. You have a top rate contender for this contest. I sincerely wish you all the best. As I already said, terrific work with this one.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Sasha. Sorry I haven't been too active here of late. Going through a lot technically, with this stupid computer, and with life itself. Also taking up gardening and having a ball.
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No problem. People have to have a life. I DO miss gardening!
Comment from --Turtle.
An ambitious multi-person pushing of dialogue to create a scene. I'll see if I can set the cast right... I think I got thrown by Elizabeth calling David Jimmy..
Come here,(.)? Let Uncle Dave feel how bad.
Don't you worry about it(,) dear. David, that's enough!
I can't do it without you, Elizabeth.
(Still trying to figure out who Jimmy is... the singer? )
Come on in. Have a seat. Take off your clothes
(Blind man flirting with a woman)
I'm in and seated. How do you know I haven't already?
(a woman... I suspect Elizabeth)
You here alone?
(So this is David... or Jimmy, I'm not sure who Jimmy is, I'm reading this through a second time trying to see what I missed the first read through)
Let Uncle Dave feel how bad.
(Liz, David and June... talking... Maybe there was no Jimmy.)
you snob.
(David is the snob... he's the singer... and Elizabeth is either his manager or something of the like. David sounds a bit spoiled)
Elizabeth, don't ever embarrass me like that again.
(I wondered how she'd embarressed him, because of the water joke, or by telling him he's difficult. David sounds difficult)
Now, tell me this, Jimmy ... you don't think that on some street corner in Los
can do that, Jimmy? Don't ya?
(Who is Jimmy? Why does she switch to calling him Jimmy.)
Yes, Ms. Beaker.
(So Elizabeth is Ms. Beaker... so many names for the same people... I guess Jimmy is David)
Hallelujah."
(I actually really like this song. I'm an uncultured downriver rat though, so I never heard the thing till Jason Castro sang it on American Idol, and I was like, wow... I really like that song.)
Trust me to guide you.
(And then the main event. If this is based on history, well I've already admitted being uncultured... but I left with the sense of these two having a relationship,.. and the musical aspect plays out well. There was amusement with the fancy water... and the play out of June, Winters... that made sense, the only thing I never made the connection on: So, is David's real name Jimmy, and I just got thrown by it?
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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An ambitious multi-person pushing of dialogue to create a scene. I'll see if I can set the cast right... I think I got thrown by Elizabeth calling David Jimmy..
Come here,(.)? Let Uncle Dave feel how bad.
Don't you worry about it(,) dear. David, that's enough!
I can't do it without you, Elizabeth.
(Still trying to figure out who Jimmy is... the singer? )
Come on in. Have a seat. Take off your clothes
(Blind man flirting with a woman)
I'm in and seated. How do you know I haven't already?
(a woman... I suspect Elizabeth)
You here alone?
(So this is David... or Jimmy, I'm not sure who Jimmy is, I'm reading this through a second time trying to see what I missed the first read through)
Let Uncle Dave feel how bad.
(Liz, David and June... talking... Maybe there was no Jimmy.)
you snob.
(David is the snob... he's the singer... and Elizabeth is either his manager or something of the like. David sounds a bit spoiled)
Elizabeth, don't ever embarrass me like that again.
(I wondered how she'd embarressed him, because of the water joke, or by telling him he's difficult. David sounds difficult)
Now, tell me this, Jimmy ... you don't think that on some street corner in Los
can do that, Jimmy? Don't ya?
(Who is Jimmy? Why does she switch to calling him Jimmy.)
Yes, Ms. Beaker.
(So Elizabeth is Ms. Beaker... so many names for the same people... I guess Jimmy is David)
Hallelujah."
(I actually really like this song. I'm an uncultured downriver rat though, so I never heard the thing till Jason Castro sang it on American Idol, and I was like, wow... I really like that song.)
Trust me to guide you.
(And then the main event. If this is based on history, well I've already admitted being uncultured... but I left with the sense of these two having a relationship,.. and the musical aspect plays out well. There was amusement with the fancy water... and the play out of June, Winters... that made sense, the only thing I never made the connection on: So, is David's real name Jimmy, and I just got thrown by it?
Comment Written 04-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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I may need to rethink David/Jimmy. She picked him up on the streets and he was named Jimmy. But she changed the name to David to go with "King David." Who ever heard of a King Jimmy? LOL, but I'll see if I get others who are confused. Meanwhile, I'll take care of the missed commas. Turtle, thanks so much for bringing it all into focus.
Comment from Heidi M
Very well-written. Not only did you maintain the dialogue-only requirement, you managed it with more than two speakers. An unusual feat, I think. You also managed to convey the ebb and flow of emotions.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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Very well-written. Not only did you maintain the dialogue-only requirement, you managed it with more than two speakers. An unusual feat, I think. You also managed to convey the ebb and flow of emotions.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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Heidi, thanks for your astute comments. I felt actually very comfortable with the multiple characters. I even removed some of the name reference when it wasn't needed.
Comment from GoodHearted Woman
You have done a GREAT job with this new-to-me kind of writing. I only heard of it about 2 months ago--dialog only and it is so interesting to read and fun to write, but just as hard as any writing to get all the components of a story on board. Anyway I thoroughly enjoyed this. Thanks for posting it.
GoodHearted Woman
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reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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You have done a GREAT job with this new-to-me kind of writing. I only heard of it about 2 months ago--dialog only and it is so interesting to read and fun to write, but just as hard as any writing to get all the components of a story on board. Anyway I thoroughly enjoyed this. Thanks for posting it.
GoodHearted Woman
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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You are certainly Good Hearted, woman, LOL (Like I'm the only one to say that!) I really appreciate your kind words and am so happy you enjoyed this.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
"Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah'
I enjoyed this so much, what an utterly fantastic entry for the competition, you may have cracked it with this one as it is really special, funny but moving too. Superb kindest regards Meia x
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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"Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah'
I enjoyed this so much, what an utterly fantastic entry for the competition, you may have cracked it with this one as it is really special, funny but moving too. Superb kindest regards Meia x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2017
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Thank you so much for your kind and generous comments, Meia.