The Voyager
A poem describing myself143 total reviews
Comment from mountainwriter49
Hello, Poet
I enjoyed reading your poem of faith and the journey
being taken to discover yourself vis-a-vis faith. This is
a theme to which many readers can relate.
What hampers the effectiveness of the message is improper
punctuation. I've offered several suggestions for you to consider
in the following notes:
In the dawn[,] a young voyager
Sitting next to a tranquil tree.[delete period]
[And] S[s]earching every orifice
Struggling he cannot find.[delete period]
Since I was seven years old.[,]
In my deepest forebodings of fright[,]
Demons surround me and I can't cry.
Jesus, help me, Sweet Jesus[,] because
A tranquil Promised Land.[,]
But with every step and with every turn[,]
And in its transformation I can feel.[,]
Jesus, I give you my spirit and my soul[,]
Please let me know if you make changes and I'll be glad to return to re-read.
Thanks for sharing
Ray
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
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Hello, Poet
I enjoyed reading your poem of faith and the journey
being taken to discover yourself vis-a-vis faith. This is
a theme to which many readers can relate.
What hampers the effectiveness of the message is improper
punctuation. I've offered several suggestions for you to consider
in the following notes:
In the dawn[,] a young voyager
Sitting next to a tranquil tree.[delete period]
[And] S[s]earching every orifice
Struggling he cannot find.[delete period]
Since I was seven years old.[,]
In my deepest forebodings of fright[,]
Demons surround me and I can't cry.
Jesus, help me, Sweet Jesus[,] because
A tranquil Promised Land.[,]
But with every step and with every turn[,]
And in its transformation I can feel.[,]
Jesus, I give you my spirit and my soul[,]
Please let me know if you make changes and I'll be glad to return to re-read.
Thanks for sharing
Ray
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
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Thank you Ray. And yeah I'll let you know about any changes. Thank you for your advice.
Comment from MENNIPLOSS
What a beautiful poem, fresh and very nice letter to the reader, a pleasure to read you, falicidades and a hug!
menniploss
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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What a beautiful poem, fresh and very nice letter to the reader, a pleasure to read you, falicidades and a hug!
menniploss
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you Menni.
Comment from Gloria ....
Excellent poem dear Justin. One of our biggest personal and philosophical struggles is with reconciling a force larger bigger ourselves. Human narcissism runs rampant and mostly because we don't truly understand our true nature. Lovely job and you've done well coming to terms with your Jesus.
Cheers,
Gloria
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Excellent poem dear Justin. One of our biggest personal and philosophical struggles is with reconciling a force larger bigger ourselves. Human narcissism runs rampant and mostly because we don't truly understand our true nature. Lovely job and you've done well coming to terms with your Jesus.
Cheers,
Gloria
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you Gloria.
Comment from annatberry
I loved your poem. It was wonderful and very lovely. It told your story I assume and how you found Christ. How beautiful is that. Your passion and your story is told with such true feelings. I loved it. Great job!!!
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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I loved your poem. It was wonderful and very lovely. It told your story I assume and how you found Christ. How beautiful is that. Your passion and your story is told with such true feelings. I loved it. Great job!!!
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you anna.
Comment from Paul Sienicki
Thank you for sharing your life and experience with the world. Millions of people go through the similar struggles. It seems to me that you are struggling with the existence of God, you have seeking him since childhood and you haven't found peace. You are HONEST, and i love you for this. NOW you must become STRONG to overcome your feelings of resentment, despair, alienation, senselessness, and all the other downgrading emotions that put you down. Welcome to the real world my friend, for we are with you. Cheers.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you for sharing your life and experience with the world. Millions of people go through the similar struggles. It seems to me that you are struggling with the existence of God, you have seeking him since childhood and you haven't found peace. You are HONEST, and i love you for this. NOW you must become STRONG to overcome your feelings of resentment, despair, alienation, senselessness, and all the other downgrading emotions that put you down. Welcome to the real world my friend, for we are with you. Cheers.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thanks Paul.
Comment from chromeangel33
I thouroghly enjoyed your poem! It is a subject I can definiely relate to! Great job with word choice and flow! Happy Writing!
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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I thouroghly enjoyed your poem! It is a subject I can definiely relate to! Great job with word choice and flow! Happy Writing!
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you very much angel.
Comment from closetpoetjester
A solid effort but I struggled with the flow of the words. It seemed to rhyme quite well but the uneven line lengths made for an uneven scan which I found a little disconcerting to the message. You express yourself well but so often with rhyme that isn't written to any kind of iambics finds the reader struggling. If you tightened up the meter in this I think you would have an EXCELLENT piece. As it is I find it overall a good effort but short of the restraints that make a well metered rhyme a comfortable read. Great subject matter though and you have a natural ability for poetry.
Cheers P
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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A solid effort but I struggled with the flow of the words. It seemed to rhyme quite well but the uneven line lengths made for an uneven scan which I found a little disconcerting to the message. You express yourself well but so often with rhyme that isn't written to any kind of iambics finds the reader struggling. If you tightened up the meter in this I think you would have an EXCELLENT piece. As it is I find it overall a good effort but short of the restraints that make a well metered rhyme a comfortable read. Great subject matter though and you have a natural ability for poetry.
Cheers P
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you for the advice Jester.
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Thanks for your graceful response.
I'll ALWAYS be as honest as I can with my assessment, but of course its ONLY one person's opinion.
Cheers
Comment from Terror2s
This is interesting; I think most people struggle with their believes in G-d. It is often very difficult to balance belief with the intangible idea of G-d. T2
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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This is interesting; I think most people struggle with their believes in G-d. It is often very difficult to balance belief with the intangible idea of G-d. T2
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you t2.
Comment from ronnie k
This poem hit home with me, I struggled after recovering from years of addition, I questioned my worth battled with past demons, I found my problem was the fear of doing what is right for no other reason but it was right. This poem is awesome and will be my in doubt read, to know I am not alone. God bless you.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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This poem hit home with me, I struggled after recovering from years of addition, I questioned my worth battled with past demons, I found my problem was the fear of doing what is right for no other reason but it was right. This poem is awesome and will be my in doubt read, to know I am not alone. God bless you.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you Ronnie.
Comment from Adi
I loved your poem very very much. I also liked your picture it matched the poem. The poem also has some good rhyming words like take and forsake. Good luck on your poem.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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I loved your poem very very much. I also liked your picture it matched the poem. The poem also has some good rhyming words like take and forsake. Good luck on your poem.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2013
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Thank you Adi.