Little Billy
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Letting Go."memiors from my life experiences.
66 total reviews
Comment from Judith Ann
This is a very good story, with so much potential. I love how you explained away this situation with, "With the ease of an eight year old, excited about Christmas. I quickly forgot the whole thing." Very nicely done.
Like I said, this is very good, you just need a little work with punctuation and perhaps breaking up a couple of the long paragraphs to me for easier reading. This is a very compelling story and it makes me want to know more. Good contest entry. -Judy
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2010
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This is a very good story, with so much potential. I love how you explained away this situation with, "With the ease of an eight year old, excited about Christmas. I quickly forgot the whole thing." Very nicely done.
Like I said, this is very good, you just need a little work with punctuation and perhaps breaking up a couple of the long paragraphs to me for easier reading. This is a very compelling story and it makes me want to know more. Good contest entry. -Judy
Comment Written 04-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2010
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thanks for the review
Comment from fluffnstuff
Just when I finished giving you a six and talking to you my computer gliched and said it couldn't go to the site. Please let me know if you saw the six and what i wrote o/k.? fluff
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2010
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Just when I finished giving you a six and talking to you my computer gliched and said it couldn't go to the site. Please let me know if you saw the six and what i wrote o/k.? fluff
Comment Written 04-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2010
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I see it now. thank you so much.
Comment from Meshe Nair
Review stars updated. Good luck on your contest entry.
Meshe Nair
Good story. These kind of things happen, the blame goes on the kid and the kid's suffering is not seen. Sorry to hear that you had to carry this in your mind even though I believe writing some of it in the English classes might have unburdened the thoughts a little.
The contest rules cannot be changed.
If only I knew who she really was. = "If only I knew... " You can't add 'who she really was' to it. Please change it. Please read the instructions again.
Meshe Nair
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2010
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Review stars updated. Good luck on your contest entry.
Meshe Nair
Good story. These kind of things happen, the blame goes on the kid and the kid's suffering is not seen. Sorry to hear that you had to carry this in your mind even though I believe writing some of it in the English classes might have unburdened the thoughts a little.
The contest rules cannot be changed.
If only I knew who she really was. = "If only I knew... " You can't add 'who she really was' to it. Please change it. Please read the instructions again.
Meshe Nair
Comment Written 04-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2010
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I fixed it will you consider an up grade.
Comment from irsajay
A very nice narrative with the POV of a child, who finds her in a conflict. She could resolve it while imaging a situation, which she knew many be true or just a figment of imagination or a way to comfort her.
A very nice reading from beginning to end.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2010
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A very nice narrative with the POV of a child, who finds her in a conflict. She could resolve it while imaging a situation, which she knew many be true or just a figment of imagination or a way to comfort her.
A very nice reading from beginning to end.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2010
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thank you
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You're most welcome.
Comment from Magics02
If I could rate this story I would rate it Exceptional for it is that. I had a lump in my throat as I read it. What a story and No way it was your fault for anyone to break up. You found out the truth for the truth was not told at you at an early age and I just want to tell you that this indeed is a heart wrenching story> Sounds like a story my Italian grandma used to tell me about too:) Thank you for sharing:) magics
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2010
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If I could rate this story I would rate it Exceptional for it is that. I had a lump in my throat as I read it. What a story and No way it was your fault for anyone to break up. You found out the truth for the truth was not told at you at an early age and I just want to tell you that this indeed is a heart wrenching story> Sounds like a story my Italian grandma used to tell me about too:) Thank you for sharing:) magics
Comment Written 04-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2010
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thank you for the stars and the coments
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You are so welcome
Comment from bhogg
A very engaging and well written read. This certainly fit the contest requirment of "If I only knew". My only real suggestion is to use a larger font size so old farts like me can read better. Regards, Bill
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2010
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A very engaging and well written read. This certainly fit the contest requirment of "If I only knew". My only real suggestion is to use a larger font size so old farts like me can read better. Regards, Bill
Comment Written 04-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2010
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ok thanks for the review
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
Hi..
I've no idea what went wrong. You seem to have lots of writing talent, but may be you were not that much interested in the post, or there is lack of effort. Some little details are over looked, and it has not special topic, no special start, the story is boring and I really had enough. Some points are mentioned here, out of many I could found.
I don't like talking about this, but I'm going to do it. It's a good tale and it's worth telling.[ What a strange two confused and poor sentences? If you do not want to tell us the story, simply don't and If you are telling us a story, why question it. This was not a clever statement, and many readers would not like to read further-- I did as I had to review it]
Extremely poor start of the " story narration" and not your story. The post starts good, but 1975 story that you narrate has an extremely week start.
On the whole, better luck next time.
best wishes
K
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2010
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Hi..
I've no idea what went wrong. You seem to have lots of writing talent, but may be you were not that much interested in the post, or there is lack of effort. Some little details are over looked, and it has not special topic, no special start, the story is boring and I really had enough. Some points are mentioned here, out of many I could found.
I don't like talking about this, but I'm going to do it. It's a good tale and it's worth telling.[ What a strange two confused and poor sentences? If you do not want to tell us the story, simply don't and If you are telling us a story, why question it. This was not a clever statement, and many readers would not like to read further-- I did as I had to review it]
Extremely poor start of the " story narration" and not your story. The post starts good, but 1975 story that you narrate has an extremely week start.
On the whole, better luck next time.
best wishes
K
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2010
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thanks for the two stars Kashif
Comment from c_lucas
This is a very well written story. There is good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.
"What do you mean we are not going?", I asked my Dad.
(Unneeded comma after "? (,) needs to be removed.)
(?)She didn't come back, or at least so I thought.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2010
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This is a very well written story. There is good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.
"What do you mean we are not going?", I asked my Dad.
(Unneeded comma after "? (,) needs to be removed.)
(?)She didn't come back, or at least so I thought.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2010
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Thanks for the review
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You're welcome.
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
Having read your story I do feel that you are carrying a lot of unnecessary guilt. How on earth could and eight year old child possibly know the outcome of his 'innocent' actions.
It really would have been better if adults had been prepared to reveal the truth to you instead of all the veiled innuendoes. Eithe that or ensuring that you did not meet up with your birth mother - I do feel that your father was right in that respect.
The story was absorbing; to the extent that I did not notice any spags (if there were any.)
Juliette
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2010
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Having read your story I do feel that you are carrying a lot of unnecessary guilt. How on earth could and eight year old child possibly know the outcome of his 'innocent' actions.
It really would have been better if adults had been prepared to reveal the truth to you instead of all the veiled innuendoes. Eithe that or ensuring that you did not meet up with your birth mother - I do feel that your father was right in that respect.
The story was absorbing; to the extent that I did not notice any spags (if there were any.)
Juliette
Comment Written 04-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2010
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thank you
Comment from RKagan
This story was riviting. It was painfully honest and raw. You did a great job writing this it kept the reader glued to their seat. From begining to end I was engaged. I see it is a contest entry...good luck to you!
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2010
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This story was riviting. It was painfully honest and raw. You did a great job writing this it kept the reader glued to their seat. From begining to end I was engaged. I see it is a contest entry...good luck to you!
Comment Written 04-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2010
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thank you