Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 39 "Chapter 11; part 1"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
55 total reviews
Comment from ladybird
Wow. Well, it had to happen eventually, lol. You have written the sex scene very well. Yes, I understand if you are not used to writing sexual scenes, it does seem uncomfortable to write. But you wrote this beautifuly, sex as an act of love between two people who love each other.Well done.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Wow. Well, it had to happen eventually, lol. You have written the sex scene very well. Yes, I understand if you are not used to writing sexual scenes, it does seem uncomfortable to write. But you wrote this beautifuly, sex as an act of love between two people who love each other.Well done.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind words
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You're welcome.
Comment from jadapenn
Hotstuff, girlfriend and you did a swell job. Sex scenes always overtax your brain because the movements must flow and hands and other things are all over the place. You did well, my little friend. Can't wait to see what happens now with these two as man and wife. Don't need a hit on them.
Now stop being nervous. Next time things will be easier. lol.
Leya nibbled and massaged Steven['s] chest
luv jada
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Hotstuff, girlfriend and you did a swell job. Sex scenes always overtax your brain because the movements must flow and hands and other things are all over the place. You did well, my little friend. Can't wait to see what happens now with these two as man and wife. Don't need a hit on them.
Now stop being nervous. Next time things will be easier. lol.
Leya nibbled and massaged Steven['s] chest
luv jada
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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I fixed the little problem Thank you for your review and support. I appreciate it.
Comment from Perp Ihebom
Ohh, this is really so nice. The love that has been growing gradually between these two persons has finally come of age, and i like the shape it took. kudos
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Ohh, this is really so nice. The love that has been growing gradually between these two persons has finally come of age, and i like the shape it took. kudos
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from missy98writer
Barbara,
Outstanding chapter and tasteful love scene. It's about Steven and Leya made love. I was sexually frustrated myself waiting for then to consummate their relationship. It was gentle purple prose not in your face like mine, Alison's, Jada's, or Vandlynn's. I've been saving my sixes for book chapters that blew my socks off and you succeeded. Exceptional descriptive writing. Wonderful dialogue. I love the narrative and the fact it was Steven's point of view. I challenge when there is another purple prose to throw your hat in the ring and go for it like Jada did. Enjoy the six stars. I loved your chapter!
Melissa.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Barbara,
Outstanding chapter and tasteful love scene. It's about Steven and Leya made love. I was sexually frustrated myself waiting for then to consummate their relationship. It was gentle purple prose not in your face like mine, Alison's, Jada's, or Vandlynn's. I've been saving my sixes for book chapters that blew my socks off and you succeeded. Exceptional descriptive writing. Wonderful dialogue. I love the narrative and the fact it was Steven's point of view. I challenge when there is another purple prose to throw your hat in the ring and go for it like Jada did. Enjoy the six stars. I loved your chapter!
Melissa.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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I appreciate the 6 stars coming from an author that is the queen of purple prose. Thank you for your support and friendship.
Comment from Rama Rao
Excellent post.
The story didn't move but some other things moved. What is important is the chapter had me gripped.
I don't know if it is politically correct to say I enjoyed reading it.
Writing a bedroom scene is a tricky job as one has to tread carefully to avoid slipping anywhere and falling overboard. I think you did a fine job striking the right balance.
This scene was long overdue anyway.
Great Job.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Excellent post.
The story didn't move but some other things moved. What is important is the chapter had me gripped.
I don't know if it is politically correct to say I enjoyed reading it.
Writing a bedroom scene is a tricky job as one has to tread carefully to avoid slipping anywhere and falling overboard. I think you did a fine job striking the right balance.
This scene was long overdue anyway.
Great Job.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate a man's view point and your support.
Comment from Helen Tan
Hat's off for writing a sex scene...I know I would have problems with doing it. One challenge for me to overcome in future. Some minor suggestions, no major SPAG noted.
"Very informative, I received new information on the drug cartels."
This is dialogue so my comment may not be that relevant but I think it sounds more professional if he says ""Very informative, I received updates on the drug cartels." This avoids the use of "information" and "informative" within the same lines.
"The reason I don't want to answer the question is partly the answer to it."
He stood. "Now that really confuses me.
I'm with Steven on this one, we women just love to confuse!
*****
As Steven exited the door,
I don't think you need a paragraph break here as it's within the same time frame.
he kissed southward down her neck.
I don't know whether I can give comments seeing I've yet to write a love/sex scene per say BUT I do feel you're holding back here. "southward down her neck" - "cleavage", more concrete details may drive the passion level here.
Leya, without hesitation, unbuttoned the buttons of his shirt,
"unbuttoned his shirt" - avoids the usage of "button" and unbuttoned".
"Leya, our love has overtaken us."
I feel that in the throes of passion, this line of dialogue sounds a bit stiff, high browed BUT I've not read many of the chapters of this novel so am not that versed in Steven's character.Maybe this is the sort of thing he would say.
"You think I need to read a book, huh?" His thrusts became stronger.
"You wrote it. I'm ..." her voice trailed off as she climaxed.
I like the ending.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Hat's off for writing a sex scene...I know I would have problems with doing it. One challenge for me to overcome in future. Some minor suggestions, no major SPAG noted.
"Very informative, I received new information on the drug cartels."
This is dialogue so my comment may not be that relevant but I think it sounds more professional if he says ""Very informative, I received updates on the drug cartels." This avoids the use of "information" and "informative" within the same lines.
"The reason I don't want to answer the question is partly the answer to it."
He stood. "Now that really confuses me.
I'm with Steven on this one, we women just love to confuse!
*****
As Steven exited the door,
I don't think you need a paragraph break here as it's within the same time frame.
he kissed southward down her neck.
I don't know whether I can give comments seeing I've yet to write a love/sex scene per say BUT I do feel you're holding back here. "southward down her neck" - "cleavage", more concrete details may drive the passion level here.
Leya, without hesitation, unbuttoned the buttons of his shirt,
"unbuttoned his shirt" - avoids the usage of "button" and unbuttoned".
"Leya, our love has overtaken us."
I feel that in the throes of passion, this line of dialogue sounds a bit stiff, high browed BUT I've not read many of the chapters of this novel so am not that versed in Steven's character.Maybe this is the sort of thing he would say.
"You think I need to read a book, huh?" His thrusts became stronger.
"You wrote it. I'm ..." her voice trailed off as she climaxed.
I like the ending.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your suggestions. I have made the changes. I apprecaite your review and your support.
Comment from Isaiah Ramesses
Very romantic, and sexy, chapter. You stir many emotions i your reader, Barbara.
Very good chapter. Well written and nice flow.
"Matt has discovered the man I stabbed while rescuing Emily wasn't Carlos' cousin, but his half brother."
I thought that this sentence could have been shortened.
Your call.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Very romantic, and sexy, chapter. You stir many emotions i your reader, Barbara.
Very good chapter. Well written and nice flow.
"Matt has discovered the man I stabbed while rescuing Emily wasn't Carlos' cousin, but his half brother."
I thought that this sentence could have been shortened.
Your call.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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I think so too, but I am afraid my first time readers will gig me if I don't include all the information. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Readywriter52
Steven and Leya have finally done it. They consummated their marriage. No matter how quiet they are, the others will soon learn about it. It's not something they can hide.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Steven and Leya have finally done it. They consummated their marriage. No matter how quiet they are, the others will soon learn about it. It's not something they can hide.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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I appreciate your review. Yes, the men know what's going on in Leya's room
Comment from Arkine
Sex scenes always seem to make writers nervous, I know they do for me. ~L~ No worries though, I thought it was well done. ;) Just one thing I caught:
We need to talk privately?" - seems more like a statement than a question.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Sex scenes always seem to make writers nervous, I know they do for me. ~L~ No worries though, I thought it was well done. ;) Just one thing I caught:
We need to talk privately?" - seems more like a statement than a question.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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You are right. I fixed it. Thank you for catching that for me. I appreciate your support.
Comment from MizKat
Barbara - This is a thoroughly enjoybable eleveth chapter of your book. I think what you wrote about their love making was done very well. You used just the right words to draw the reader into the scene without being vulgar, which makes it all the more interesting. Kat
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Barbara - This is a thoroughly enjoybable eleveth chapter of your book. I think what you wrote about their love making was done very well. You used just the right words to draw the reader into the scene without being vulgar, which makes it all the more interesting. Kat
Comment Written 19-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I am probably the only romance writer alive that doesn't like writing love making scenes.
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I don't like writing them either. Still, I think you wrote yours very well.
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Thank you, you're very sweet.