Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "Chapter 9; part three"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
50 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
see who he catches - whom - in the background section
door open with is foot - his
the reason Steven hasn't return your love - returned
Hurray, that creep Peggy has been caught - that is just despicable that she would jeopardize lives to get her "rival" out of the way. It feels so good to have her caught red-handed. Brooke
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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see who he catches - whom - in the background section
door open with is foot - his
the reason Steven hasn't return your love - returned
Hurray, that creep Peggy has been caught - that is just despicable that she would jeopardize lives to get her "rival" out of the way. It feels so good to have her caught red-handed. Brooke
Comment Written 27-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Thank you for catching those nits. I appreciate it and I am off to fix them. We are not finished with Peggy, yet.
Comment from Nicnac
YES! YES! YES!
I'm so happy Peggy was finally caught. I knew she was a low life wench! Woohoo!
Great chapter. I enjoyed the action - especially Peggy being caught. :)
I noticed a few places you might want to look at:
'Peggy paused, then asked'
'He pretended to listen, then said'
'He pretended to listen again, then replied' ('then' stuck out to me in these places. I think you can eliminate these dialogue tags for an easier flow.)
After he shaved, showered, (and) changed
If you understood we're (we were) only friends and could be(would be) nothing more, we'd still be friends."
nudged the lab door open with is (his) foot
at the abandon (abandoned) house
Simple fixes. ;)
I like Steven's last statement - Leya had nothing to do with Peggy's choices.
One thing I'd like to see is Leya's anger. Sometimes she is too nice. Perhaps showing her flaws (all characters should have) will make her a little more realistic. If it angered her that Peggy set her up, it would seem much more believable than being a martyr type. ;)
I look forward to the next chapter, Barbara.
Nic
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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YES! YES! YES!
I'm so happy Peggy was finally caught. I knew she was a low life wench! Woohoo!
Great chapter. I enjoyed the action - especially Peggy being caught. :)
I noticed a few places you might want to look at:
'Peggy paused, then asked'
'He pretended to listen, then said'
'He pretended to listen again, then replied' ('then' stuck out to me in these places. I think you can eliminate these dialogue tags for an easier flow.)
After he shaved, showered, (and) changed
If you understood we're (we were) only friends and could be(would be) nothing more, we'd still be friends."
nudged the lab door open with is (his) foot
at the abandon (abandoned) house
Simple fixes. ;)
I like Steven's last statement - Leya had nothing to do with Peggy's choices.
One thing I'd like to see is Leya's anger. Sometimes she is too nice. Perhaps showing her flaws (all characters should have) will make her a little more realistic. If it angered her that Peggy set her up, it would seem much more believable than being a martyr type. ;)
I look forward to the next chapter, Barbara.
Nic
Comment Written 27-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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I am off to fix those areas. Leya's flaws will show up very soon and cause a major split. Peggy will return. Thank you fory your help.
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I can't wait!
Comment from Gwynn
I have to tell you, I am hugely tempted to steal this line the next time I ask my son, "What's going on?" simply so I can say, "And 'nothing' is the wrong answer." LOL
Great chapter, wonderful character interaction, with flow that makes the whole a wonderful read. Keep up the great work!
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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I have to tell you, I am hugely tempted to steal this line the next time I ask my son, "What's going on?" simply so I can say, "And 'nothing' is the wrong answer." LOL
Great chapter, wonderful character interaction, with flow that makes the whole a wonderful read. Keep up the great work!
Comment Written 27-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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I does work on teenage males. I have used it often. Where do you think I got it from. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Arkine
Well, Peggy got her own ass in trouble and I can't really feel sorry for her at all. Maybe that's cold, but as he said, she made her own choices. Just one nit:
the reason Steven hasn't return[ed] your love."
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Well, Peggy got her own ass in trouble and I can't really feel sorry for her at all. Maybe that's cold, but as he said, she made her own choices. Just one nit:
the reason Steven hasn't return[ed] your love."
Comment Written 27-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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I am off to fix that little ed that slipped by me. Thank you.
Comment from jadapenn
Very nice chapter, Barbara. We had plenty of action which progressed the plot well. I am so glad little Peggy has been arrested. About time she went and stuck her nose into someone else's business. Jealous women - really. They dig hole for themselves.
Well done. luv jada
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Very nice chapter, Barbara. We had plenty of action which progressed the plot well. I am so glad little Peggy has been arrested. About time she went and stuck her nose into someone else's business. Jealous women - really. They dig hole for themselves.
Well done. luv jada
Comment Written 27-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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We are not finished with Peggy, yet. Thank you for your review. Spring break is coming up. Maybe I will have time to spend chatting with you.
Comment from Sherry S
Hi Barbara,
OK, so we cant use the safe house anymore. Because the bad guys know where it is. so where is Matt going to take her?
I know it will be secluded no doubt, but will it be romantic, or will it be one of those building love on ordeal encounters, with bad food, ugly bugs and bad smells.
Is Peggy done? or is there more then one who has succumb to the money and power promised from the cartel. does he get her out to take the blame for her feckled heart. so he doesn't have to take a chance on exposing himself. will Matt have to then save both women, will Peggy discover she is being used and tell Matt who is the real mole in his department?
That's the only trouble with FS I can't just turn the page and find out what comes next, I must sit and wait.
but it burns at the binding that hold me patient, if I can't find out soon I may start the pee-pee dance.
more good stuff from what seems a Midwestern heart.
Sherry
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Hi Barbara,
OK, so we cant use the safe house anymore. Because the bad guys know where it is. so where is Matt going to take her?
I know it will be secluded no doubt, but will it be romantic, or will it be one of those building love on ordeal encounters, with bad food, ugly bugs and bad smells.
Is Peggy done? or is there more then one who has succumb to the money and power promised from the cartel. does he get her out to take the blame for her feckled heart. so he doesn't have to take a chance on exposing himself. will Matt have to then save both women, will Peggy discover she is being used and tell Matt who is the real mole in his department?
That's the only trouble with FS I can't just turn the page and find out what comes next, I must sit and wait.
but it burns at the binding that hold me patient, if I can't find out soon I may start the pee-pee dance.
more good stuff from what seems a Midwestern heart.
Sherry
Comment Written 27-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. No we are don't done with Peggy, she will return, briefly, but does get herself into deeper trouble. Thank you for following. Please take time to use the bathroom.
Comment from lola29
Well, I have to say, Peggy is not too smart. But maybe she is so in love with Steven (I know I am) that everything else is clouding her judgement. This was a very engaging chapter and went by quickly.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Well, I have to say, Peggy is not too smart. But maybe she is so in love with Steven (I know I am) that everything else is clouding her judgement. This was a very engaging chapter and went by quickly.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Not only is she in love with Steven, but she has other issues that will come out later. Thank you for your support.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Good descriptive writing, so well
presented, which makes it easy to
follow and understand.
After he shaved, showered, changed, he headed toward the front door. - "changed" after showering doesn't sound quite right somehow....might I suggest....
After shaving and showering, he donned some fresh clothes, and then headed...
Just ignore if not in agreement.
Well penned, Barbara.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Good descriptive writing, so well
presented, which makes it easy to
follow and understand.
After he shaved, showered, changed, he headed toward the front door. - "changed" after showering doesn't sound quite right somehow....might I suggest....
After shaving and showering, he donned some fresh clothes, and then headed...
Just ignore if not in agreement.
Well penned, Barbara.
Margaret.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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I will consider your suggested change. I will read it both ways a few times and consider which sounds better. Thank you for your review.
Comment from missy98writer
Barbara,
What a drama filled turn of events. Peggy was the rat. She allowed her jealousy to control her. I hope they throw the book at her. Brilliant chapter in my opinion. I was caught up in the action. I was in the thick of action. I cheered when Peggy was arrested. Leya blamed herself for causing Peggy to turn. She's such a caring gal. Steven needs to admit to Leya how much he loves her like he did to Peggy when she confronted him at the first of your latest chapter of "Tantalizing Eyes". As always excellent dialogue, descriptive scheme, and wonderful narrative.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Barbara,
What a drama filled turn of events. Peggy was the rat. She allowed her jealousy to control her. I hope they throw the book at her. Brilliant chapter in my opinion. I was caught up in the action. I was in the thick of action. I cheered when Peggy was arrested. Leya blamed herself for causing Peggy to turn. She's such a caring gal. Steven needs to admit to Leya how much he loves her like he did to Peggy when she confronted him at the first of your latest chapter of "Tantalizing Eyes". As always excellent dialogue, descriptive scheme, and wonderful narrative.
Melissa.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and continued support. I will give you a hint. We are not finished with Peggy, yet.
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I had a feeling that wasn't the last we see of the witch. Does it involve her getting killed by Leya's family? The drug cartells always get snitches like Peggy.
Melissa.
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written and the mole has finally been uncovered. Peggy will be lucky to survive once the cartel realized she led them into a trap. Good job.
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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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This is very well written and the mole has finally been uncovered. Peggy will be lucky to survive once the cartel realized she led them into a trap. Good job.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Just wait, Peggy will return. Thank you for your review.
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You're welcome, Barbara. Charlie
