Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Chapter 7, part 3"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
67 total reviews
Comment from sweetwoodjax
i enjoy reading every chapter of this, but i am itching to know the ending of it--i always have to restrain myself when it comes to reading mysteries and this is driving me crazy to find out how it's going to end
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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i enjoy reading every chapter of this, but i am itching to know the ending of it--i always have to restrain myself when it comes to reading mysteries and this is driving me crazy to find out how it's going to end
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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I am that way too. Unfortunately, I work full time and only have time to post on weekends. I teach first grade. Thank you for your review.
Comment from wierdgrace
This is a wonderful book, as you probably know this, the characters are not forgettable, and the image you show in each chapter I love, smooth reading, no mistakes, I love it, thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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This is a wonderful book, as you probably know this, the characters are not forgettable, and the image you show in each chapter I love, smooth reading, no mistakes, I love it, thank you for sharing
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
OPENLY CLOSED!
I liked this flown chapter of the interestingly piercing and real life fiction.
Organisation of thoughts, expression, flow of thoughts and introduction go clear, catchy and contagious to conclusion.
Dialogues are fantastically realistic, appropriate and mouth tight.
It was a moving pleasant read.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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OPENLY CLOSED!
I liked this flown chapter of the interestingly piercing and real life fiction.
Organisation of thoughts, expression, flow of thoughts and introduction go clear, catchy and contagious to conclusion.
Dialogues are fantastically realistic, appropriate and mouth tight.
It was a moving pleasant read.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from jadapenn
Hi Barbara, quite an eventful chapter with Task Force settling down again after all the action. Now what is Leya suffering from?
Gremlins - I don't know if anyone else has pointed them out:
"At what cost? Was anybody hurt?" Her trembling body. (don't quite understand this)
the idention [indentation]of her right hip
Luv jada
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Hi Barbara, quite an eventful chapter with Task Force settling down again after all the action. Now what is Leya suffering from?
Gremlins - I don't know if anyone else has pointed them out:
"At what cost? Was anybody hurt?" Her trembling body. (don't quite understand this)
the idention [indentation]of her right hip
Luv jada
Comment Written 09-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Yea, I changed those two sentences before I went to bed and still didn't get them right. I have changed them again, Hopefully I got them right this time. Thank you for your continued support.
Comment from AliSmith
I haven't been following this story and I can tell I've missed out. The dialogue was great. I loved the humor you wove into the story with Steven's teasing. It looks like a nice breather chapter between some heavy action scenes. I like the tension found between the characters. They felt real.
A few things to consider:
Her trembling body - fragment; add a verb or switch it to read her body trembled.
Matt held her for a few minutes, then suggested - remove comma or add subject to suggested
Matt and Steven glared at her, as she addressed Steven - don't need a comma before sentences connected with as, only with and,but, or, nor, for since they can be used to connect nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc as well as sentences
Her M4 rested against the idention of her right hip, Peggy said - 2 sentences connected with just a comma. You could add 'with' to the start of the sentence to make it an introductory phrase
if your antics continue you'll find yourself - add a comma after continue to separate the clauses
She nodded, as he sat - don't need comma with as. If it had been 'and', you wouldn't have needed it either as they are both short sentences
Jim waited, as Steven placed the thermometer under Leya's armpit- comma not needed before as- my rulebooks says: When starting a sentence with a weak clause, use a comma after it. Conversely, do not use a comma when the sentence starts with a strong clause followed by a weak clause.
he read it, then asked - remove comma or add subject to asked
You said you don't do needles, you should've said you have a needle phobia." - 2 sentences connected with just a comma
Overall, this was a great read.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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I haven't been following this story and I can tell I've missed out. The dialogue was great. I loved the humor you wove into the story with Steven's teasing. It looks like a nice breather chapter between some heavy action scenes. I like the tension found between the characters. They felt real.
A few things to consider:
Her trembling body - fragment; add a verb or switch it to read her body trembled.
Matt held her for a few minutes, then suggested - remove comma or add subject to suggested
Matt and Steven glared at her, as she addressed Steven - don't need a comma before sentences connected with as, only with and,but, or, nor, for since they can be used to connect nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc as well as sentences
Her M4 rested against the idention of her right hip, Peggy said - 2 sentences connected with just a comma. You could add 'with' to the start of the sentence to make it an introductory phrase
if your antics continue you'll find yourself - add a comma after continue to separate the clauses
She nodded, as he sat - don't need comma with as. If it had been 'and', you wouldn't have needed it either as they are both short sentences
Jim waited, as Steven placed the thermometer under Leya's armpit- comma not needed before as- my rulebooks says: When starting a sentence with a weak clause, use a comma after it. Conversely, do not use a comma when the sentence starts with a strong clause followed by a weak clause.
he read it, then asked - remove comma or add subject to asked
You said you don't do needles, you should've said you have a needle phobia." - 2 sentences connected with just a comma
Overall, this was a great read.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Thank you. I hate comma's by the way. I will get on those little problem. Thank you again for your review.
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Most everyone does, except the few of us who were dropped one too many times on our heads as babies and so need structure to live by.
Comment from robeth
Good chapter. Overall well written. I just noticed a few nits:
Sentence fragment: Her trembling body.
figure [out] a way you can be nice
Steven teased, "Just remember the more we tease, the more we care about you." [this line is redundant, teased, tease. You might consider revising it.]
Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Good chapter. Overall well written. I just noticed a few nits:
Sentence fragment: Her trembling body.
figure [out] a way you can be nice
Steven teased, "Just remember the more we tease, the more we care about you." [this line is redundant, teased, tease. You might consider revising it.]
Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 09-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Katiesherrill
Another great chapter. You continue to build the characters and suspence. I'm glad that Stephen is admitting he is in love. LOL it's about time. Thanks for another good read.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
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Another great chapter. You continue to build the characters and suspence. I'm glad that Stephen is admitting he is in love. LOL it's about time. Thanks for another good read.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from mshugh
Read twice
Now we are going for subtlety
the sound of gunfire had stopped - sound of gunfire stopped (then I might be using a silencer) - or the gunfire stopped?
Now we will work on emotive verbs and tension
Steven knocked on the door - doesn't he care for this woman - have him pound on the door - unless toy have positioned him as a solf spoken or subdued charater (that's not the impression I have from his altercations with Peggy)
I like the next sentence where he pushed the door open - shows eagerness
Walked past him - goood lord - have the man push past him to get to Leya - get the idea?
Verbs can heighten tenstion.
Now for the rest fo the story
about your decision. -- change to question mark
with Ms. Vegas?" [new line]Matt
Holding her M4 against her right hip - be more graphic
Matt moved so he stood in front of Peggy - Matt moved to confront Paggy - got the idea on verbs?
enough then
Next chapter - start creating some conflicts WITHIN your characters - not BETWEEN them - show their faults - show their doubts - their fears - make your characters more complex in three sentences per person.
Also give them charasteristics - not just physical, but speech, instincts etc.
Make sense
Let me know if you want a sample and I will private message you
Well done
You're pacing it well
Michael
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
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Read twice
Now we are going for subtlety
the sound of gunfire had stopped - sound of gunfire stopped (then I might be using a silencer) - or the gunfire stopped?
Now we will work on emotive verbs and tension
Steven knocked on the door - doesn't he care for this woman - have him pound on the door - unless toy have positioned him as a solf spoken or subdued charater (that's not the impression I have from his altercations with Peggy)
I like the next sentence where he pushed the door open - shows eagerness
Walked past him - goood lord - have the man push past him to get to Leya - get the idea?
Verbs can heighten tenstion.
Now for the rest fo the story
about your decision. -- change to question mark
with Ms. Vegas?" [new line]Matt
Holding her M4 against her right hip - be more graphic
Matt moved so he stood in front of Peggy - Matt moved to confront Paggy - got the idea on verbs?
enough then
Next chapter - start creating some conflicts WITHIN your characters - not BETWEEN them - show their faults - show their doubts - their fears - make your characters more complex in three sentences per person.
Also give them charasteristics - not just physical, but speech, instincts etc.
Make sense
Let me know if you want a sample and I will private message you
Well done
You're pacing it well
Michael
Comment Written 09-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review and you did this with only a few hours of sleep. I am impressed. I will read over it and will probably have questions. I will NOT bother you tonight. Get some sleep.
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I have to work through the night
I have to get something to Barcelona before Monday
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I haven't been to Barcelona in, humm, this is embarrassing, 40 years. I was there as a teenager. I studied Spanish Language and Culture at the Universadad de Salamanca and then enjoyed Barcelona. I am sure it has changed.
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Yep, it's FREEZING - ten degrees centigrade - no seriously - some parts haven't changed
Michael
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Shoot it's freezing in TX, right now. I am shocked. We've used the fireplace two nights in a row. When we bought the house a few years ago, I laughed that it had a fireplace. What do you use a fireplace for in TX? Well, now I know. Sometimes it actually gets cold.
How many languages do you speak?
Comment from Trybuck
I'm not one to usually read the books but every once in-a-while I'll try one. I liked the way you brought everyone up to speed and went right into this chapter. Steven seems to be the all around good guy, waiting for his chance with Leya. It's bound to happen sonner or later... unless...
Well done, Buck
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
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I'm not one to usually read the books but every once in-a-while I'll try one. I liked the way you brought everyone up to speed and went right into this chapter. Steven seems to be the all around good guy, waiting for his chance with Leya. It's bound to happen sonner or later... unless...
Well done, Buck
Comment Written 09-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Rama Rao
Excellent as usual. Reading each chapterof your book is like watching an episode of a TV serial. Your dialogues fascinate me.
Perhaps you should try script writing also.
I've few points to make.
Smelled perspiration= Whose perspiration?
Blood work=Is this the word you use for blood tests?
Just remember the more we tease the more we care for you= I thought it was the other way around.
Incidentally you made a remark "You guys are suckers for big tits..." I spun a novel around this idea. It is true. A University in New Zealand has established after a thorough survey that 47% of men look first to that part of anatomy before talking to women.
The novel is going along fine like the Blue Streak.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
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Excellent as usual. Reading each chapterof your book is like watching an episode of a TV serial. Your dialogues fascinate me.
Perhaps you should try script writing also.
I've few points to make.
Smelled perspiration= Whose perspiration?
Blood work=Is this the word you use for blood tests?
Just remember the more we tease the more we care for you= I thought it was the other way around.
Incidentally you made a remark "You guys are suckers for big tits..." I spun a novel around this idea. It is true. A University in New Zealand has established after a thorough survey that 47% of men look first to that part of anatomy before talking to women.
The novel is going along fine like the Blue Streak.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
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Just remember the more we tease the more we care for you= I thought it was the other way around. (It can be either way, depending on the point to be made.) I will recheck the perspiration remark. Yes, blood work and blood tests are the same. Thank you for your review.
