Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "Chapter 7; part 2"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
54 total reviews
Comment from Showboat
Hi Barbara,
Well, I'm here in the middle of the chapter, so I don't expect to know what's happening, but I'm looking at a lot of action and some very interesting characters, to say the least.
Excellent post,
Gayle
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Hi Barbara,
Well, I'm here in the middle of the chapter, so I don't expect to know what's happening, but I'm looking at a lot of action and some very interesting characters, to say the least.
Excellent post,
Gayle
Comment Written 03-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from shy1250
Flowed beautifully; once I started reading, didn't want to quit. You set up the 'bitchiness' between the 2 women very authentically. I liked who I was supposed to like, and didn't like who I wasn't supposed to. Dialogue seamless and realistic. No errors, spag to distract from the work. You've got something good in the oven here. Can't wait til next w/e for more! Good luck in school--later and God bless, shy
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Flowed beautifully; once I started reading, didn't want to quit. You set up the 'bitchiness' between the 2 women very authentically. I liked who I was supposed to like, and didn't like who I wasn't supposed to. Dialogue seamless and realistic. No errors, spag to distract from the work. You've got something good in the oven here. Can't wait til next w/e for more! Good luck in school--later and God bless, shy
Comment Written 03-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Thank you very much for your kind words.
Comment from Belinda
Hi, back to school, huh? This is an interesting chapter showing the competition between Peggy and Leya, also the fact that the men are 'know-alls' about what happen in Steven's room. I wonder why Leya tend to dress like that when she knows anything may happen. You have the secret, Barbara. See you another weekend...
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Hi, back to school, huh? This is an interesting chapter showing the competition between Peggy and Leya, also the fact that the men are 'know-alls' about what happen in Steven's room. I wonder why Leya tend to dress like that when she knows anything may happen. You have the secret, Barbara. See you another weekend...
Comment Written 03-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review and continued support.
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Thank you for your kind review.
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from jayesnb
I am slowly but surely working my way through the previous chapters in order to get a better understanding of everything. This is an excellent story you have going here and I am very into it.
The dialogue really makes this chapter, none of it seems forced. It just flows smoothly along and really sets the tempo well.
You left me hanging at the end, as I want to read more..
Guess I'll have to wait a whole week now, but at least that will give me time to get caught up..
Nothing to change popped out at me... great job.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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I am slowly but surely working my way through the previous chapters in order to get a better understanding of everything. This is an excellent story you have going here and I am very into it.
The dialogue really makes this chapter, none of it seems forced. It just flows smoothly along and really sets the tempo well.
You left me hanging at the end, as I want to read more..
Guess I'll have to wait a whole week now, but at least that will give me time to get caught up..
Nothing to change popped out at me... great job.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry my previous chapter don't offer you much in dollars to read them. Thank you for your support.
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thank you for your review.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Barbara,
Good build up and Peggy is obviously a liability now. I think I'd put money on her having been the leak. You might want to expand the gun battle sequence a bit more - as it stands now its a bit remote, there isn't the same sense of drama and tension you'd expect in a house under attack.
Otherwise, good work.
Patrick
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Hi Barbara,
Good build up and Peggy is obviously a liability now. I think I'd put money on her having been the leak. You might want to expand the gun battle sequence a bit more - as it stands now its a bit remote, there isn't the same sense of drama and tension you'd expect in a house under attack.
Otherwise, good work.
Patrick
Comment Written 03-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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There's more coming, but I don't want to dwell on it to much, since it is a romance. Thank you for your review.
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I will be honest, I don't have clue what they would hear in an attack. I would like to descibe it using all five senses but I don't have a clue as to what being around a situation like that would feel like.
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Ah, now that is a problem. Fireworks display, only with things that go smack and whizz as they hit walls, doors and other obstructions, or zip past or richochet. Add to that the smell of adrenalin fueled response and the smell of powder or cordite smoke. Also the tension of not being able to see or target the attacker without exposing yourself to sniper fire and you're close. Light Machine or Automatic weapons have a nasty "Brrrrrrrrrrrrt! Brrrrrrrrrrt! sound, the Heavy stuff usually Has a gut shuddering Budabudabuda sound "IMagine it at a speed faster than you can actually read it) and a very heavy fast firing HMG sounds almost like a chainsaw cutting into hard wood, but with a nasty sharp crackling punctuation to it. Guess you have to hear it - but once heard, you never forget.
Good luck. Patrick
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Thank you for being a sweet heart and answering my question. I had quite a problem there, not knowing what I was taking about. Of course, none of my women fans even questioned it. Only my men.
Comment from lola29
Another excellent chapter. I liked the scene between the two women--your writing was very sophisticated, and it was easy to see who was the loser.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Another excellent chapter. I liked the scene between the two women--your writing was very sophisticated, and it was easy to see who was the loser.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your kind words.
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Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from ZigzagMLT
Pretty good chapter. I want to keep reading. I didn't find anything that partiularly struck me to correct this time.
Thanks for sharing. I look forward to the next chapter.
Zigzagmlt
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Pretty good chapter. I want to keep reading. I didn't find anything that partiularly struck me to correct this time.
Thanks for sharing. I look forward to the next chapter.
Zigzagmlt
Comment Written 03-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review.
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Freeflyer
Wow! I can't get over your notes. Schools in Australia don't start back until 27th January. 2009 finished school on 11th December. What are your vacation dates?
Great writing. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Maz.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Wow! I can't get over your notes. Schools in Australia don't start back until 27th January. 2009 finished school on 11th December. What are your vacation dates?
Great writing. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Maz.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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We start school the end of August and the end of school is the after the first week in June. This is only a two week break. Thank you for your review.
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Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from anabelle
Good chapter. I'm sure we can all guess who told Leya's family where to find her? And, how many of them are going to die for this mistake?
Should 'awaken' read 'awakened'?
Thanks for the entertainment.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Good chapter. I'm sure we can all guess who told Leya's family where to find her? And, how many of them are going to die for this mistake?
Should 'awaken' read 'awakened'?
Thanks for the entertainment.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 03-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Yes, thank you for catching that mistake. I appreciate it. I am off to fix it.
Comment from Paula1173
I like how you put the background in the beginning updating the reader on the story.
Im not sure of the significance of Leya and Steven working out before going to breakfast is.
I haven't read previous chapters but in this chapter I see her as being damsel in distress and sort of innocent but yet she comes out of her room in a tshirt and panties. Is that realistic when a girl is being gaurded by a bunch of men. Does she flaunt her stuff in other chapters?
Keep up the writing.
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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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I like how you put the background in the beginning updating the reader on the story.
Im not sure of the significance of Leya and Steven working out before going to breakfast is.
I haven't read previous chapters but in this chapter I see her as being damsel in distress and sort of innocent but yet she comes out of her room in a tshirt and panties. Is that realistic when a girl is being gaurded by a bunch of men. Does she flaunt her stuff in other chapters?
Keep up the writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Leya wore to bed and was awaken in the middle of the night by gunfire. I don't think I would take time to get fully dressed before I check to see what's going on. Maybe I'm wrong. Thank you for your review.
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I didn't realize it was nighttime. Leya went upstairs and didn't come down all day but I didn't realize it was night time again and she went to bed. I thought she was taking a nap.
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If anyone doesn't understand it's the middle of the night, I will rewrite. So far you are the only person. Even if she was taking a nap, I wouldn't check what I was wearing befor leaving my room while under attack.
