Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Chapter 6; part 2"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
45 total reviews
Comment from bob cullen
You write very well. I did however notice one error. In the paragraph beginning; 'When she turned away from him...' The word passed should be past.
Apart from that I found no errors. Your style is most readable. The reader can quite easily picture the characters and the scene.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2009
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You write very well. I did however notice one error. In the paragraph beginning; 'When she turned away from him...' The word passed should be past.
Apart from that I found no errors. Your style is most readable. The reader can quite easily picture the characters and the scene.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2009
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Yea!!! Someone noticed it. I must have corrected it while you were reading. Thank you for the review. I appreciate it.
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I always was a bit slow. Keep up the good writing
Comment from missy98writer
Barbara,
Another excellent chapter of "Tantalizing Eyes". The sexual tension between Steven and Leya are marvelous. When are these two going to keep fighting their attraction. The dialogue and descriptive scheme are great. I was drawn in from the first sentence. Your internal dialogue is marvelous. I found no major TYPO's. I can't wait to read the next chapter. I liked the paragraph:
'Her little round rear-end swayed, to the right, then to the left, then right, then left. Steven was almost hypnotized as he watched. After our conversation this morning, she knew how I would react. I'm putting a stop to this teasing.' What Leya did is called sashaying.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2009
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Barbara,
Another excellent chapter of "Tantalizing Eyes". The sexual tension between Steven and Leya are marvelous. When are these two going to keep fighting their attraction. The dialogue and descriptive scheme are great. I was drawn in from the first sentence. Your internal dialogue is marvelous. I found no major TYPO's. I can't wait to read the next chapter. I liked the paragraph:
'Her little round rear-end swayed, to the right, then to the left, then right, then left. Steven was almost hypnotized as he watched. After our conversation this morning, she knew how I would react. I'm putting a stop to this teasing.' What Leya did is called sashaying.
Melissa.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and constant support. I really appreciate it.
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You're welcome, I loved the chapter. I need to stop reading and reviewing to do my next chapter of "Lethal Passion."
Melissa.
Comment from adewpearl
"Surprise me," was Steven's response. I've put a comma here instead of a period.
hang around, unless you want too - to
halter top fell, exposing - add comma
Steven ran after her, passing Derek - add comma
The passed two days - past
Talk about sexual tension - what a steamy scene, even if it is awkward between them. It is fun watching them dance around their mutual attraction :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2009
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"Surprise me," was Steven's response. I've put a comma here instead of a period.
hang around, unless you want too - to
halter top fell, exposing - add comma
Steven ran after her, passing Derek - add comma
The passed two days - past
Talk about sexual tension - what a steamy scene, even if it is awkward between them. It is fun watching them dance around their mutual attraction :-) Brooke
Comment Written 19-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review. I posted too soon. I knew I hurried this one, darn. Thank you for catching them.
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that's what we do for each other as community neighbors!! :-)
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And you're one of the best. I made the corrections.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
Maybe they have come clean with each other, and maybe not. But Leya is a confused woman.
I enjoyed this read and have a few suggestions:
"...if circumstances were different, they could possible [possibly] make love."
"...with a V-neckline that {went - this word should go} dipped below her breasts. A strand of black hair {lay between her breasts and - these words aren't needed, the rest of this sentence says it all} curled under her right breast."
"I don't want anymore [any more - two words] misunderstandings."
"The passed [past] two days, we've been honest with each other."
"After a long pauses [pause], she said, "When you did your search,..."
Dave
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2009
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Barbara,
Maybe they have come clean with each other, and maybe not. But Leya is a confused woman.
I enjoyed this read and have a few suggestions:
"...if circumstances were different, they could possible [possibly] make love."
"...with a V-neckline that {went - this word should go} dipped below her breasts. A strand of black hair {lay between her breasts and - these words aren't needed, the rest of this sentence says it all} curled under her right breast."
"I don't want anymore [any more - two words] misunderstandings."
"The passed [past] two days, we've been honest with each other."
"After a long pauses [pause], she said, "When you did your search,..."
Dave
Comment Written 19-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2009
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Thank you I am off to make the corrections. I wondered if I didn't hurry this post, and by number of corrections I need to make, I would say I did. Thank you for your review.
Comment from RebelRose
Another great chapter. It is an interesting story and easy to follow. I am enjoying the continuing story very much. Very well written.
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reply by the author on 19-Dec-2009
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Another great chapter. It is an interesting story and easy to follow. I am enjoying the continuing story very much. Very well written.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review.
