Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Chapter 5; part 4"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
48 total reviews
Comment from djyarrum
I enjoyed this, the second chapter of yours that I have read. Will endeavor to read some more. The dialogue was believable and the writing style made for easy reading. The story flowed nicely from the start and continued to do so to the end. Liked the sound of the plot which promises so much. Cheers David.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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I enjoyed this, the second chapter of yours that I have read. Will endeavor to read some more. The dialogue was believable and the writing style made for easy reading. The story flowed nicely from the start and continued to do so to the end. Liked the sound of the plot which promises so much. Cheers David.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from Joan E.
I don't think Steven's self-talk is convincing him any more than me that he is not infatuated with Leya--a dangerous situation for all concerned. I wondered if she actually did attach the phone to the cat! Well done and to be continued...
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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I don't think Steven's self-talk is convincing him any more than me that he is not infatuated with Leya--a dangerous situation for all concerned. I wondered if she actually did attach the phone to the cat! Well done and to be continued...
Comment Written 05-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review. Attaching the phone to the cat, interesting concept. I will have to check into that.
Comment from mshugh
He answered her stare. - not sure if you answer a stare - or return it.
The story moves on with a lot of turmoild and tension - Poor Steven - Don't know how he concentrates on a mission (alugh) - I would surrender
Michael
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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He answered her stare. - not sure if you answer a stare - or return it.
The story moves on with a lot of turmoild and tension - Poor Steven - Don't know how he concentrates on a mission (alugh) - I would surrender
Michael
Comment Written 05-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review. Good point I will review the stare issue.
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You're having too much fun with this story - I can tell
Michael
Comment from missy98writer
barbara,
I've been waiting for your next chapter to see what happened. Peggy is a bitch on wheels. Steven has feelings for Leya. I still think Peggy is the mole. The dialogue is believable. The story flowed. I liked the line:
Steven noticed Leya pull her pink lace corselet over a sheer bra and ordered, "Shut the door." He closed his eyes as he composed himself. Peggy's right. Leya clouds my judgment. A glimpse of her body stirred desires I shouldn't have.
In the above sentence check the word corselet do you mean corset.
You've written an outstanding chapter. I can't wait to read the next chapter.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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barbara,
I've been waiting for your next chapter to see what happened. Peggy is a bitch on wheels. Steven has feelings for Leya. I still think Peggy is the mole. The dialogue is believable. The story flowed. I liked the line:
Steven noticed Leya pull her pink lace corselet over a sheer bra and ordered, "Shut the door." He closed his eyes as he composed himself. Peggy's right. Leya clouds my judgment. A glimpse of her body stirred desires I shouldn't have.
In the above sentence check the word corselet do you mean corset.
You've written an outstanding chapter. I can't wait to read the next chapter.
Melissa.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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I will recheck that area. I had another reader from an eariler chapter suggest I change, I think I will change it back. I like your way better.
Comment from fionageorge
But I am sure he is in love with here.
Good chapter, with great continuous dialogue, moving the story along at a great pace.
The characters are real, and their emotions come through.
Warmest regards
Marijke
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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But I am sure he is in love with here.
Good chapter, with great continuous dialogue, moving the story along at a great pace.
The characters are real, and their emotions come through.
Warmest regards
Marijke
Comment Written 05-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from Belinda
I like the way you describe about Steven's feelings towards Leya. On one hand he is in charge, but on the other hand he has his manly insticts towards her, and maybe a little love, too. Good chapter.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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I like the way you describe about Steven's feelings towards Leya. On one hand he is in charge, but on the other hand he has his manly insticts towards her, and maybe a little love, too. Good chapter.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and kinds words.
Comment from petep
Makes me want to read more. Writing is polished and smooth and clear, and the use of italics, though perhaps an overused device, works. I like the no-nonsense, straightforward prose style. You write as if you have written a lot.
My only criticism would be I'd like more description, of people and places, but that desire might stem from my not having read previous chapters.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Makes me want to read more. Writing is polished and smooth and clear, and the use of italics, though perhaps an overused device, works. I like the no-nonsense, straightforward prose style. You write as if you have written a lot.
My only criticism would be I'd like more description, of people and places, but that desire might stem from my not having read previous chapters.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciat the suggestions.
Comment from Charlene0513
To barbara.wilkey,
What stands out is Leya's need to be protected from her her own people. With the aid of Steven and his contacts
all they have to go on his Leya's word and that of her cell phone.
Charlene
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2009
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To barbara.wilkey,
What stands out is Leya's need to be protected from her her own people. With the aid of Steven and his contacts
all they have to go on his Leya's word and that of her cell phone.
Charlene
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2009
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Very true. Thank you for your review.