Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Chapter 2 Part 1"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
44 total reviews
Comment from nora arjuna
hmm, a lot happening here, and i guess leya found her right man?
check these few:
-Before he could get it, Steven grabbed the gun.
'Steven grabbed it before him' will get rid of 'the gun' repetition too close.
"You better [to] wait in the hall," - delete
he said glancing in Leya's direction. - not necessary. we know he's looking at her when he saw fear in her eyes.
"Ralph Burton retired, what about eight months ago?" - this question's a bit confusing.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009
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hmm, a lot happening here, and i guess leya found her right man?
check these few:
-Before he could get it, Steven grabbed the gun.
'Steven grabbed it before him' will get rid of 'the gun' repetition too close.
"You better [to] wait in the hall," - delete
he said glancing in Leya's direction. - not necessary. we know he's looking at her when he saw fear in her eyes.
"Ralph Burton retired, what about eight months ago?" - this question's a bit confusing.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I'll get on the erros.
Comment from c_lucas
You have did a very good job in building your characters. You have increased the suspense and action faction. I don't understand the statement about "Carlos" she has already been disowed by her family.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009
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You have did a very good job in building your characters. You have increased the suspense and action faction. I don't understand the statement about "Carlos" she has already been disowed by her family.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009
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He's not part of her family. You will find out at the end of chapter 2, like every one else.
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Okay
Comment from adewpearl
Steven must be one hunk for Leya to be noticing all those details of his physique while in the middle of all this family intrigue and life endangerment. LOL
This is just one action-packed, suspense-filled chapter. And with a newborn baby put at risk - shows how cold-blooded these people are. It's hard to feel sympathetic for the one who got killed! Brooke
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009
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Steven must be one hunk for Leya to be noticing all those details of his physique while in the middle of all this family intrigue and life endangerment. LOL
This is just one action-packed, suspense-filled chapter. And with a newborn baby put at risk - shows how cold-blooded these people are. It's hard to feel sympathetic for the one who got killed! Brooke
Comment Written 10-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. They are really bad peopl.
Comment from darkgreennights
Uhm Barbara? akward to ask but you wouldnt have Stevens home phone or cell number would you? lol lol. I knew Emily would be safe! Yeah, Dani and Matt can now go home in one three piece family...more Steven please lol
hugs
Kathleen
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reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009
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Uhm Barbara? akward to ask but you wouldnt have Stevens home phone or cell number would you? lol lol. I knew Emily would be safe! Yeah, Dani and Matt can now go home in one three piece family...more Steven please lol
hugs
Kathleen
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009
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I promise you will see a LOT of Steven Thank you for your review.