Chasing the Elusive Dream
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "Selective Amnesia"A southern couple's journey in the 60's,70's & 80'
45 total reviews
Comment from prodigal
Men remember things differently than women. I used to remember details about things that my wife missed and the opposite is also true. I think this is a well written essay. It is almost written in the style of a column in a paper. WEll done- Sam
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2009
  |
Men remember things differently than women. I used to remember details about things that my wife missed and the opposite is also true. I think this is a well written essay. It is almost written in the style of a column in a paper. WEll done- Sam
Comment Written 20-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2009
-
Sam, Thank you, I am always happy to get your comments. I sure that is true. After all I hear men and women are from different planets. LOL.
Beth
Comment from Annelisa
I think we all have selective amnesia. I think thats how we survive without going insane. This is a humorous essay. I laughed out loud. Thanks for sharing. Annelisa
In the 4th paragraph, you may want to change forwar to for war.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2009
|
I think we all have selective amnesia. I think thats how we survive without going insane. This is a humorous essay. I laughed out loud. Thanks for sharing. Annelisa
In the 4th paragraph, you may want to change forwar to for war.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2009
-
Thank You, Annelisa, I have changed that already. I appreciate you comments and I'm glad you found it amusing.
Beth
Comment from Psychonaut X
In terms of storytelling, this was magnificent! Amnesia or not, you've nailed humor non-fiction with this. Shades of Erma Bombeck. The only drawback I see is a tendency to misspell, leave words out, or include words that shouldn't be there. Let me give you some examples:
The most obvious one is the title - "Sekective Amnesia." I'm pretty sure you meant "Selective Amnesia." If you're going to misspell something, please don't make it the title! People won't even read something if the title is misspelled (present company excluded, of course).
Also, in paragraph 2, you left the word "to" out of the sentence, "It seems to me, short of being dropped on his head and thereby erasing whatever happened up that point, there should be something more in his memory bank, than the pain of being teased about the hole in the seat of your pants at a tender age of five." Right between "up" and "that" there should be a "to."
Third paragraph - get rid of the word "and" in the sentence "He also remembers the time he ran half a mile home, fleeing the slingshot hanging out of his back pocket while and thinking he was being pursued by a deadly rattler."
Finally, in the first sentence of the 4th paragraph, "for war" is two words, not one.
These minor errors are easily fixed by proofreading. It will go along way towards making you're writing better. The devil is in the details. Seriously, if it weren't for these errors - especially the misspelled title - I would have easily given this 5 stars.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2009
 |
In terms of storytelling, this was magnificent! Amnesia or not, you've nailed humor non-fiction with this. Shades of Erma Bombeck. The only drawback I see is a tendency to misspell, leave words out, or include words that shouldn't be there. Let me give you some examples:
The most obvious one is the title - "Sekective Amnesia." I'm pretty sure you meant "Selective Amnesia." If you're going to misspell something, please don't make it the title! People won't even read something if the title is misspelled (present company excluded, of course).
Also, in paragraph 2, you left the word "to" out of the sentence, "It seems to me, short of being dropped on his head and thereby erasing whatever happened up that point, there should be something more in his memory bank, than the pain of being teased about the hole in the seat of your pants at a tender age of five." Right between "up" and "that" there should be a "to."
Third paragraph - get rid of the word "and" in the sentence "He also remembers the time he ran half a mile home, fleeing the slingshot hanging out of his back pocket while and thinking he was being pursued by a deadly rattler."
Finally, in the first sentence of the 4th paragraph, "for war" is two words, not one.
These minor errors are easily fixed by proofreading. It will go along way towards making you're writing better. The devil is in the details. Seriously, if it weren't for these errors - especially the misspelled title - I would have easily given this 5 stars.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2009
-
Thank you for your review. I appreciate you pointing out the errors. Would you believe I was once a proofreader by occupation for printing company. I hardly ever missed anything and I still pretty good at catching other mistakes. It must have been Evil Eddie.
Comment from Jazh
lol This is a great piece of prose...I enjoyed it, especially the descriptions of family holidays! Just a couple of things:
My husband's on remembers bad things that happen. - your description line needs some work
Sekective Amnesia by BethShelby - typo in your title.
It flows well, with your lovely sense of humour throughout. :)
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2009
|
lol This is a great piece of prose...I enjoyed it, especially the descriptions of family holidays! Just a couple of things:
My husband's on remembers bad things that happen. - your description line needs some work
Sekective Amnesia by BethShelby - typo in your title.
It flows well, with your lovely sense of humour throughout. :)
Comment Written 20-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2009
-
Thank for your review and comments. I've already fixed the title and I have a couple of other typos.
Beth
Comment from pilarblue
I enjoyed reading your very well written, super interesting story. I only noticed one minor detail: "Sekective Amnesia", the title. Great work. :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2009
|
I enjoyed reading your very well written, super interesting story. I only noticed one minor detail: "Sekective Amnesia", the title. Great work. :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2009
-
Thank you for your review and comments. I fixed the title. I proofread the story buy not the title.
Beth