CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 49 "A Past Revisited"A collection of poetry
58 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
they lied benign - do you mean they were untruthful - that kind of lie?? or do you mean they rested there/reposed/existed, in which case you mean they lay there
ah, sometimes an unhappy past that we think we've buried raises its ugly little head and starts to pain us again - you describe that with compelling emotion - and yes, many of us put forth that strong, happy face while suffering inside - your poem should resonate with a wide audience. Brooke
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2009
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they lied benign - do you mean they were untruthful - that kind of lie?? or do you mean they rested there/reposed/existed, in which case you mean they lay there
ah, sometimes an unhappy past that we think we've buried raises its ugly little head and starts to pain us again - you describe that with compelling emotion - and yes, many of us put forth that strong, happy face while suffering inside - your poem should resonate with a wide audience. Brooke
Comment Written 14-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2009
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Changed in to laid. Got that one screwed up. (The worst grammar problem I have in the English language). ha! When I am suffering depression (which I am not now), I can go out in public an hide it so well. Nothing worse than showing it because it makes one feel even more pathetic. A very strange mindset is depression. Thanks so much for your great review, Brooke. :-)) Sue
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you don't want laid you want lay just like I said LOL
lie - to repose I lie in bed as I dream
lay - past tense Yesterday I lay in bed for hours
lain present and past perfect have lain and had lain I have lain here for hours
lay- to put down
today I lay this book down
yesterday I laid books down
I have laid many books down
I am most glad to hear you are not suffering from depression now. :-) Brooke
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I DO want "laid" because according to what you just wrote, I'm referring to the noun of the pain being laid benign. Not me laying down.
Or am I still bloody confused!!!???
LOL!!
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Because, here is what you just wrote:
lay- to put down
today I lay this book down
yesterday I laid books down
I have laid many books down
Now, HELP!!!!!!
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you say the feelings rested/reposed/existed benign and buried today my feelings lie buried yesterday my feelings lay buried not only people lie yesterday the rug lay on the floor yesterday the cat lay on the rug
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you're still bloody confused LOL
the pain lay buried you didn't say I laid the pain down the subject is the pain what the pain is doing is lying buried so yesterday it lay buried LOL
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PRAISE THE LORD! Now I understand!! LMAO!!
I swear that I know my grammar, but that lie, lay, lain bullshit has always THROWN ME!! HA!
Thanks so much, Brooke for your time on this. Really appreciate it!
Sue
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this is certainly in the top five of things people don't get - I have had this little talk with a few dozen people on this site and with many hundreds of students over the year!! and some never get it even after my fiftieth example :-) You're a quick study LOL
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Well, why the hell didn't I get it in 5th grade even while I was getting all A's in English?
Go FIGURE!! HA!
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the answer is simple, dear - I was not your teacher :-)
Comment from bluefly
Hi Sue,
I really thought this poem was very good. It is interesting in that it gives the reader just enough insight into your words to allow them to see themselves in the poem and ponder their own life and past. The verse is very well crafted in meter and rhyme with a nice smooth flow. Very nicely done. Scott
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2009
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Hi Sue,
I really thought this poem was very good. It is interesting in that it gives the reader just enough insight into your words to allow them to see themselves in the poem and ponder their own life and past. The verse is very well crafted in meter and rhyme with a nice smooth flow. Very nicely done. Scott
Comment Written 14-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2009
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Scott, your comment on allowing the reader to have "just enough insight for themselves" is a great compliment!! Like it's interactive, which we all strive for. Thank you for you great compliment and very kind review. Much appreciated, Sue
Comment from prodigal
Very nice. This poem had a nice flow to it. I also noticed you always do a very good job matching your poetry to art. That is a beautiful picture. Well done.
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Very nice. This poem had a nice flow to it. I also noticed you always do a very good job matching your poetry to art. That is a beautiful picture. Well done.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2009
Comment from Judian James
I hope your new house is beginning to feel more like home with each passing day. Let the past go and live again ... no holds barred! Well done
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2009
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I hope your new house is beginning to feel more like home with each passing day. Let the past go and live again ... no holds barred! Well done
Comment Written 14-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2009
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Jude, I'm actually doing so much better than I was. A lot was getting to me. In fact, I have not felt this good in about 2 years. Perhaps I had to hit a "low" as they say. Interesting how I write my best "depressing" works when I'm feeling good! HA! Yes, I just added a few things to the house and am very pleased the way it's coming together. Had some picture lamps hung above some paintings and WOW, what a difference. So glad you're feeling much better!! It wasn't FS without a daily Jude poem. :-)) Sue
Comment from jeslaf
We share more than poetry, Sue! Your last two verses hit the mark closest to home for me--self-imposed isolation, the shit returning to bite you in the arse...I've decided it's just that way, to stop outrunning it, embrace it as a part of me, and roll the hell on. Good write. :)
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2009
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We share more than poetry, Sue! Your last two verses hit the mark closest to home for me--self-imposed isolation, the shit returning to bite you in the arse...I've decided it's just that way, to stop outrunning it, embrace it as a part of me, and roll the hell on. Good write. :)
Comment Written 14-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2009
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Yes, I've seen your pieces where I totally related, also. Especially the one where you ran from the shit, yet it kept coming back! Actually, in my life, I got past all the "youth" shit. But, as we continue to live, more baggage accumulates and that is what causes me to exile myself now and then. I now "accept" my position in life and no longer feel the need to be "understood". Those were giant hurdles that set me freer than I've been in awhile. But, I'm still quite the loner. So glad you enjoyed this. Love your writing and know you do a close read. And I respect that so much. Always, Sue
Comment from findingmyroom
This deserves a six, but I have none left! Such a painful piece but rendered so beautifully. "For now, not sure where I belong" crystallizes how the narrator is caught between moving forward and being held back.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2009
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This deserves a six, but I have none left! Such a painful piece but rendered so beautifully. "For now, not sure where I belong" crystallizes how the narrator is caught between moving forward and being held back.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2009
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Yes, being stuck is a tough place to be. I'll take your virtual six! HA! Thank you so much for your wonderful compliments and very kind review. I really do appreciate your reviews, as you read closely. Always, Sue
Comment from NightWriter
"A Past Revisited" is a great piece of writing. I was really drawn to this poem, that actually read like a story it was so well done. Beautifully written too, with perfect rhythm and rhyming. Well done.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2009
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"A Past Revisited" is a great piece of writing. I was really drawn to this poem, that actually read like a story it was so well done. Beautifully written too, with perfect rhythm and rhyming. Well done.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2009
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NightWriter, so glad you enjoyed this. Your compliments go right to my heart. And thank you for your very generous review. With warm regards, Sue
Comment from joan marie
Should have be has as it relates to hurts being a noun? Or a part of me, being singular? Well written, and a lot of people will relate. Sometimes it is gone but comes back years later to kick you in the stomach. Great read. joan marie
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2009
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Should have be has as it relates to hurts being a noun? Or a part of me, being singular? Well written, and a lot of people will relate. Sometimes it is gone but comes back years later to kick you in the stomach. Great read. joan marie
Comment Written 14-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2009
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singular: hurt (has) - plural: hurts (have)....thought I had it right. What do you think? Thanks very much for your review and comments, Sue
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My opinion is use has. But I am not a grammar expert by any means. It just seemed to read correctly that way. But your call. I have saved on my favorites different sites for grammar and rhyming dictionarys, etc. That is usually where I check or someone tells me. But I would think hurts being a noun and me singular has would be it. If you chose to change it and someone like Adewpearl says it's wrong change it back. Whatever feels right for you. jm
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Looked again hurst have would be correct but you have me which is singular and I think it would be the verb for the singular me. Just my opinion. I have been known to be wrong. jm
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It's a bit ambiguous. I don't use punctuation at the ends of my stanzas (for some weird reason, it bothers the hell out of me - ha!) If there were a comma after "me", then it would be clearer that "have" belongs to "hurts".
But thanks very much for a close read. Always welcome.
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I didn't deduct because I was asking more than anything else. It's how to learn. Some people get mad. I just want to know. I think the poem's fine. jm
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No way do I get upset if someone cares enough to bring up an issue which may detract from the work. It's a compliment!
:-)) Sue
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I agree. But sometimes when I post short stories, I get very conflicting info. One says this another that. I guess that is why I haven't written the ending of Alien Apocalypse yet. I always hurt someones feelings. I don't mind grammar if it is right. Sometimes I bother an editor I know and then sometimes I just reword it. Easier the latter way. jm
Comment from rmdelta
Sue, a writing with a personal insight? This must be one of those teradactyls or beauchamps. it is a strong writing, my friend and a glimpse into your soul. well done.
Reggie
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Sue, a writing with a personal insight? This must be one of those teradactyls or beauchamps. it is a strong writing, my friend and a glimpse into your soul. well done.
Reggie
Comment Written 14-Feb-2009
Comment from Roisin
Hi Sue,
What a wonderfully, emotional poem. Your descriptives are wonderful and your internal struggle with your past feelings shines through. Your rhymes and rhythm are perfect and the scattering of internal rhyme adds to the flow. It's something that I'm sure a lot of people will relate to - letting old wounds impact on their present life. I hope you're not feeling as bad as comes accross in the poem. If I had a six, it would be yours, but you'll have to accept a virtual one. Great job.
Warm regards.
Roisin
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2009
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Hi Sue,
What a wonderfully, emotional poem. Your descriptives are wonderful and your internal struggle with your past feelings shines through. Your rhymes and rhythm are perfect and the scattering of internal rhyme adds to the flow. It's something that I'm sure a lot of people will relate to - letting old wounds impact on their present life. I hope you're not feeling as bad as comes accross in the poem. If I had a six, it would be yours, but you'll have to accept a virtual one. Great job.
Warm regards.
Roisin
Comment Written 14-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2009
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No, I'm not feeling like that. Although I do live a very quiet life due to my daughter's situation, I'm doing very well right now. It seems as though I can write the most depressing work when I'm feeling on top! Go figure!! I'll take your virtual sixer! There....now it's in my pocket. Ha! Thanks so much for your great review and all your comments with a close read. Always, Sue