Comment from Hitcher

Excellent

Well you definitely nailed the iambic pentameter Sue, that was an awesome flowing offering friend, I'm Jealous! Still got a long way to go before I master the iambic pentameter. For love and erotic I'd say my wife is my muse but after that I don't think I have one, if I do it lurks in the shadows, ha ha. What can I say, this was very impressive!

 Comment Written 21-Jan-2009

Comment from Roisin

Excellent

What a beautiful sonnet. It practically sings to me. Your words are beautiful and your rhyme and meter is perfect. What a wonderful entry to the contest. Good luck but I think you'll do very well.

Warm regards.

Roisin

 Comment Written 21-Jan-2009

Comment from Domino

Excellent

Hi, Sue
Just a minor suggestion for maybe better flow and less staccato in the line;

'With voices coupled, we're in harmony' - substitute 'sharing' for 'we're in'?

Everyone goes on about these 'muse' thingies. I don't reckon I've got one, but if I have I reckon he's mad. LOL
Excellent flowing sonnet. My only gentle (kissey, kissey) suggestion woulg be more 2 an 3 syllable words which aid flow in place of single syllables, IMHO.
Good luck and best wishes, Ray xx

 Comment Written 21-Jan-2009

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reply by the author on 21-Jan-2009

Ray, Brilliant suggestion!! Thank you so much! I love it. Believe me, I just KNEW (I swear!) that you would bring that up. Gonna have a look again. There you go again, making my day even shorter! LOL!!! Everytime I write in strict iambs, I think of you and what you would think. Now, if that doesn't make you my mentor, I do not know what would. xxSue

reply by the author on 21-Jan-2009

IF you have time, wouldn't mind you see that I took out just a few smaller words and replaced them with loonnnnnggggggeer ones. HA! Thanks so much for your great input.

reply by Domino on 21-Jan-2009

Hi, Sue
Too many loooooonggg words now. LMAO!
reads much betta ta this annoyin nit-picker, Ray xx

Comment from Monkeyfish

Excellent

Perfect. I don't see any problems with this poem. You write beautifully about your muse. I like the internal rhyme of the first line (song/long), the alliteration with "chorus sung softly," and so much more. You stay with the form without it feeling forced. Thank you for sharing this lovely poem. Good luck with the competition!

 Comment Written 21-Jan-2009

Comment from The Rivaling Mimic

Excellent

Awesome post! This is one of the best pieces of poetry I ran into so far while on this site. I really enjoyed it here and you demonstrate the reason why very well with this post. I loved it!

The Rivaling Mimic

 Comment Written 21-Jan-2009

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reply by the author on 21-Jan-2009

WOW! What a compliment!!! Blushing, as there are so many lovely sonnets here. But, thank you SO much. How encouraging. So appreciated, Sue

Comment from Theresia Ellen

Excellent

I really enjoyed reading your work. Althouth I do not know anything about lambic pentameter, your piece flowed nicely. I have no corrections will leave those for someone who has been at this far longer than I.

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 Comment Written 21-Jan-2009

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reply by the author on 21-Jan-2009

I REALLY want you to know iambic pentameter. Because it is more simple than it sounds. Those words can be intimidating.

Pentameter means: 10 syllables (5 feet) - will explain 'feet' in a moment

Iambic is this:

da/DUM/da/DUM/da/DUM/da/DUM/da/DUM

Five da/DUM's = 5 feet

the da is the softer, unstressed syllable
the DUM is the stronger, stressed syllable

SO, we have a 10 syllable line (pentameter) written with an iambic meter! EASY!1

Here is a sample from my poem in which you can hear the da/DUM (read out loud):

"Of our immense desire which we have found"

SOUNDING LIKE THIS (with unstressed and STRESSED being shown below)

of OUR imMENSE deSIRE which WE have FOUND

Lesson over! HA! Now, go write 2 lines in iambics and then you're ready for an English Sonnet (if you liked). This is what makes the poem flow nicely. If not in iambic, I could still have 10 syllables in one line, but could read terribly choppy.

Thank you very much for your lovely review!

Sue

reply by Theresia Ellen on 21-Jan-2009

Thank you for taking the time to share this lesson with me! Why couldn't an English teacher somewhere along the way have explained this so clearly?

Just so that you know I printed this out to share with the two children I still have in school. :)

As with each day on this sight I have learned something new. Thank You!

God Bless

reply by the author on 21-Jan-2009

Well, I only just learned this about 2 months ago. I sure did visit Wikipedia on several occasions to try and sort it out! Ha!

You can write in iambs (da/DUM), of course, in lines with many different number of syllables.

For example:

The tetrameter is 8 syllables (4 feet)
The heptameter is 14 syllables (7 feet) - also known as the "Fourteener"

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NOW: The reverse of the iambic meter is the "trochaic".

Same rules apply, but the STRESSED syllable comes FIRST, then the unstressed:
DUM/da/DUM/da/DUM/da/DUM

So glad I shared that with you. And am glad you are printing it out to share. How cool is that?!! I have learned so much here that I most certainly try to pass it on.

Regards,
Sue

Comment from Curt Mongold

Excellent

Hey, I like this! It's a very good representation of your muse in words cuz. The form is great and the word use is top notch! May your muse never stop singing!
Sincerely,
Curt

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 Comment Written 21-Jan-2009

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reply by the author on 21-Jan-2009

I wish I were as fast as you on reviews. I just posted it seconds ago!! Wow, is my inbox full! HA!! Thanks so much for your great review and your "top notch" compliments! SUZ

reply by Curt Mongold on 21-Jan-2009

You caught me in the middle of my "reviewing phase!"

reply by the author on 21-Jan-2009

I've just started mine! About 20 to go...yikes!