CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 129 "Is it Possible"A collection of poetry
60 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
I don't write much free verse unless the A-Z poems qualify - I have no idea how to categorize them, so I am no expert, but it sounds like free verse to me!! Better still, each individual question is so provocative? There are hours of discussion this one poem could start. to have one's hunger fed by another's hungry mouth - wow, that one alone could start debates for days in today's financial crisis. To share an embrace in another language? I'm blown away!!!
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2008
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I don't write much free verse unless the A-Z poems qualify - I have no idea how to categorize them, so I am no expert, but it sounds like free verse to me!! Better still, each individual question is so provocative? There are hours of discussion this one poem could start. to have one's hunger fed by another's hungry mouth - wow, that one alone could start debates for days in today's financial crisis. To share an embrace in another language? I'm blown away!!!
Comment Written 12-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2008
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Brooke!!! expert or NOT, your reading of this has warmed my soul!! I keep starting a sentence to write to you and erasing them, because they can't say what I feel. (maybe a free-verse would do - ha!). But thank you for saying that 'hours of discussion" could be made. This is an ultimate compliment. And so glad you highlighted those phrases you liked. **hand to heart** - Yours, Sue
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:-)
Comment from LadyMary
This really presents a very introspective writing that for me was not only a reading, but had me actually asking myself those questions. I'm not the poetic expert to pass judgement on the free verse format, but I did enjoy this writing with its broad spectrum of deep thinking. Well done. LadyMary
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2008
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This really presents a very introspective writing that for me was not only a reading, but had me actually asking myself those questions. I'm not the poetic expert to pass judgement on the free verse format, but I did enjoy this writing with its broad spectrum of deep thinking. Well done. LadyMary
Comment Written 12-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2008
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LadyMary, thanks for sharing that you also stopped to ask some of the questions.
That says so much! Really happy you enjoyed it.
And thank you for your very kind review!
Warmest regards,
Sue
Comment from mmichelle97219
All of this is possible and more
The death of a stage of life
Gives birth to more doors
Its a good poem. My rule with punctuation is use it or don't but don't mix. Question marks are the exception to that rule. I think this is just fine.
Happy Writing.
Michelle
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2008
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All of this is possible and more
The death of a stage of life
Gives birth to more doors
Its a good poem. My rule with punctuation is use it or don't but don't mix. Question marks are the exception to that rule. I think this is just fine.
Happy Writing.
Michelle
Comment Written 12-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2008
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Michelle, great opening to your review....very succinct 'death of a stage of life'. Sometimes we just need to compartmentalize and see clearer. And your words are a great start - thank you for that! And for your very kind review and specific comments. Most appreciated...Sue
Comment from Judian James
Yay, you're off to a good start! (Now remember, this review is coming from a woman who just went out of her way to enter a "rubbish free verse" contest and write the worst free verse possible!!) Okay, it starts off very strong. I loved the second verse ... loved it. My criticism is it's too long. You need to get your point across in fewer words or present in a different format, but always believing that brevity is best and big words usually are overrated!! With so many questions, you've got the reader working way too hard!! "To lose the memory
of an unfilled heart" I would reverse "unfilled" to losing the memory of a "satisfied" heart or an "overflowing" heart. something on those lines.
Also loved the guilt verse. excellent. Great first attempt
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2008
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Yay, you're off to a good start! (Now remember, this review is coming from a woman who just went out of her way to enter a "rubbish free verse" contest and write the worst free verse possible!!) Okay, it starts off very strong. I loved the second verse ... loved it. My criticism is it's too long. You need to get your point across in fewer words or present in a different format, but always believing that brevity is best and big words usually are overrated!! With so many questions, you've got the reader working way too hard!! "To lose the memory
of an unfilled heart" I would reverse "unfilled" to losing the memory of a "satisfied" heart or an "overflowing" heart. something on those lines.
Also loved the guilt verse. excellent. Great first attempt
Comment Written 12-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2008
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Jude, thank you so much for reading and for your most honest review!
I have been tweaking as the day has gone on. If I did prune it, I think I already know which lines to take out. Which is what's probably going to happen....NO!! prune my words?!! HA!
However, I think I'd rather lose the 'lesser ones' than change the format. But, you are right. Length can be taxing. Back to the edit room.
Thank you for taking the time to offer up such excellent advice.
And of course, your most kind review.
Sue
Comment from Gramma Kathy
I really like this. I'm no expert on free verse, but I think your question marks are important to the poem. However, I don't really thing the commas are necessary. The verses without commas seem to read better.
I especially appreciate this word picture:
"To lean over a
cliff's edge and
scream; watching
the anger spill
into the canyon?"
I could go for that some days!
Thanks for sharing this.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2008
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I really like this. I'm no expert on free verse, but I think your question marks are important to the poem. However, I don't really thing the commas are necessary. The verses without commas seem to read better.
I especially appreciate this word picture:
"To lean over a
cliff's edge and
scream; watching
the anger spill
into the canyon?"
I could go for that some days!
Thanks for sharing this.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2008
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Ahhhhh, Gramma Kathy, your words mean so much. Makes my day for you write "word picture" next to my words. Better than getting a 10! Thanks so much for your very kind review and lovely comments....now go find that cliff!! HA!! :-) Sue
Comment from Juleeann
I'm not well versed on all the in's and out's of poetry, but I simply loved every word of this. The only other thing I have to say is, "Yes, the answer is yes to all of the above!"
Good job, carry on, and God bless.
Juleeann
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2008
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I'm not well versed on all the in's and out's of poetry, but I simply loved every word of this. The only other thing I have to say is, "Yes, the answer is yes to all of the above!"
Good job, carry on, and God bless.
Juleeann
Comment Written 12-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2008
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Juleeann, this was so unexpected. Your most esteemed review has made my whole day! Just to know one's words are felt by another is breathtaking in itself.
And the "yes to all the above" tells me you've been there.
I truly appreciate your most kind words.
Thank you,
Sue
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Sixteezkid ....
What you have written here makes for very enjoyable reading. You asked about the question marks. Yes, I believe they should be there but, from a presentation point of view, you could have - at the top ...
Is it possible ...
... to grasp a strong hand which feels my strength?
... to give while not giving away?
... to die and still live?
I suggest this because each separate part follows -
Is it possible ....
You have chosen to divide your lines and have them
in poetic format. When I do free-thought writing
- which you call free verse - I do it as I have indicated
above. Of course, this is my opinion about the
presentation. If you go to my portfolio and look for -
"Forgive and Forget" which I posted in January 2006, you will see an example of my free-thought writing.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
With love from ..... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2008
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Hullo Sixteezkid ....
What you have written here makes for very enjoyable reading. You asked about the question marks. Yes, I believe they should be there but, from a presentation point of view, you could have - at the top ...
Is it possible ...
... to grasp a strong hand which feels my strength?
... to give while not giving away?
... to die and still live?
I suggest this because each separate part follows -
Is it possible ....
You have chosen to divide your lines and have them
in poetic format. When I do free-thought writing
- which you call free verse - I do it as I have indicated
above. Of course, this is my opinion about the
presentation. If you go to my portfolio and look for -
"Forgive and Forget" which I posted in January 2006, you will see an example of my free-thought writing.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
With love from ..... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2008
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Nanette Mary, I always look forward to your reviews. You offer up so much to the writer, being unselfish with your time! I will most certainly take all of your suggestions on board and hope to only grow from here! Again, thank you. With warmest regards, Sue
Comment from mildredmolanki
Honest opinion? Here goes..but it has got me into a lot of trouble this week!
I enjoyed your poem a lot. You have great self expression and create strong visual imagery through some good descriptive writing and word choices such...'To brush of guilt..'
However I didn't like the layout so much..just my personal opinion of course, but I found it off putting and distracting to the flow. Excellent read, MM
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2008
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Honest opinion? Here goes..but it has got me into a lot of trouble this week!
I enjoyed your poem a lot. You have great self expression and create strong visual imagery through some good descriptive writing and word choices such...'To brush of guilt..'
However I didn't like the layout so much..just my personal opinion of course, but I found it off putting and distracting to the flow. Excellent read, MM
Comment Written 12-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2008
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Thank you SO much for your honesty. Can you suggest a layout which would have been more pleasing to the eye for this piece? All suggestions WELCOME!! Thanks very much, Sue
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And thank you for your comment on the layout. rama devi had a suggestion to make a 'break' after each posed question. I did that and it looks and reads so much better. I appreciate your opinion on this also! Sue
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
I am not an expert but think this reads well it is very and descriptive it has an honest open feel to it you have done well regards Fuller
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2008
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I am not an expert but think this reads well it is very and descriptive it has an honest open feel to it you have done well regards Fuller
Comment Written 12-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2008
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Fuller, thank you very much for your very kind review and comments. Much appreciated! Sue
Comment from rama devi
Lot's of good ideas and questions. Some main nits to critique
1) I needs breaths - line breaks.
2) Maybe some pruning, it is quite long. On the other hand, all the ideas are worthy of keeping. Maybe just let it be ,long, or, it might be good to make line lengths longer. Hmmmmnn...
3) I am not sure yet how I feel about all the questions marks. Normlly I would advise against using so many and not offering any answer. But in this particular poem I think it works well.
Here is what I'd do:
Is is possible to
fly from the
mundane to the
extraordinary?
To lean over a
cliff's edge and
scream; watching
the anger spill
into the canyon?
To leave
expectations of
others behind,
while being deaf
and blind to those
pleas and needs?
To brush off
guilt, as
specks on a
jacket's lapel?
To forget the
meaning of an
unfilled heart?
To only hear
words which
flame the soul?
To run in the rain,
as each drop
spills joy?
To swim the ocean
as it swallows
the sorrows?
To walk in the
desert and not
be parched?
To sleep with
dreams of color
that rest the mind?
To have silence
yet still hear
the loud
cries of passion?
To grasp a strong
hand which feels
my strength?
To share an embrace
in another language?
To have one's hunger
fed by another's
hungry mouth?
To find one's self
by getting lost in
rapture?
To give while not
giving away?
To receive without
taking?
To die and still live?
Love the closing few lines they remind me of the Tao de ching.
Blessings,
rama devi
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2008
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Lot's of good ideas and questions. Some main nits to critique
1) I needs breaths - line breaks.
2) Maybe some pruning, it is quite long. On the other hand, all the ideas are worthy of keeping. Maybe just let it be ,long, or, it might be good to make line lengths longer. Hmmmmnn...
3) I am not sure yet how I feel about all the questions marks. Normlly I would advise against using so many and not offering any answer. But in this particular poem I think it works well.
Here is what I'd do:
Is is possible to
fly from the
mundane to the
extraordinary?
To lean over a
cliff's edge and
scream; watching
the anger spill
into the canyon?
To leave
expectations of
others behind,
while being deaf
and blind to those
pleas and needs?
To brush off
guilt, as
specks on a
jacket's lapel?
To forget the
meaning of an
unfilled heart?
To only hear
words which
flame the soul?
To run in the rain,
as each drop
spills joy?
To swim the ocean
as it swallows
the sorrows?
To walk in the
desert and not
be parched?
To sleep with
dreams of color
that rest the mind?
To have silence
yet still hear
the loud
cries of passion?
To grasp a strong
hand which feels
my strength?
To share an embrace
in another language?
To have one's hunger
fed by another's
hungry mouth?
To find one's self
by getting lost in
rapture?
To give while not
giving away?
To receive without
taking?
To die and still live?
Love the closing few lines they remind me of the Tao de ching.
Blessings,
rama devi
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2008
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rama devi, I thank you so much for this great review with all your comments! EXCELLENT idea about the breaks. It occurred to me, but then I thought it wouldn't look like the free verses I've read. But your input says, "YES"! And I love it. It also serves as a relief from the crowding of the question marks. When I revisit it, I may prune it...not sure yet. Again, thank you for your great suggestions. So appreciated! Sue