Heart Cafted Poems - 2020
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "Eye for an Eye"Musings of an old man -2020
41 total reviews
Comment from Sally Law
A good entry for the contest, and aptly illustrated. One small improvement for your contest entry, if I may.
Heartbreaks should be possessive: Heartbreak's.
Sending you my best today as always, and best wishes for the contest,
Sal xo
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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A good entry for the contest, and aptly illustrated. One small improvement for your contest entry, if I may.
Heartbreaks should be possessive: Heartbreak's.
Sending you my best today as always, and best wishes for the contest,
Sal xo
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Got me! Smiling back...thank you much!
Comment from Therese Caron
Very well written, very thought-provoking poem. I am always amazed by what some people manage to fit into very few lines or syllables allowed by contests. Relationships not working often lead to an eye for an eye type of thinking. Your image is outstanding, and the overall presentation of this poem is beautiful.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Very well written, very thought-provoking poem. I am always amazed by what some people manage to fit into very few lines or syllables allowed by contests. Relationships not working often lead to an eye for an eye type of thinking. Your image is outstanding, and the overall presentation of this poem is beautiful.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Therese, as always, thank you for taking the time to review and comment on my work.
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You are very welcome!
Comment from Jacob David Collins
I really liked how you put this together. You're right it's best to try and split up with someone as amicably as possible, even though people may not like each other, the damage caused by violence can last a lifetime. A well written piece. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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I really liked how you put this together. You're right it's best to try and split up with someone as amicably as possible, even though people may not like each other, the damage caused by violence can last a lifetime. A well written piece. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Jacob, thank you for the time you invested in reviewing and commenting on my poem,
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
These words are very deep. I especially like your use of 'river of wounds.'
There can be so many in one lifetime. Damming the stream is a difficult
chore. Great presentation
Ralf
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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These words are very deep. I especially like your use of 'river of wounds.'
There can be so many in one lifetime. Damming the stream is a difficult
chore. Great presentation
Ralf
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Ralf, I so appreciate you taking the time to read, amd comment on my poem.
Comment from TommyWrites
This is a deep poem. It's very thought provoking.
I like how even though you don't have a lot of rhymes, all of the words seem to fit together perfectly, creating a smooth melody for your reader. I also like the color you chose for your background, and the picture to match.
Great poem JLR, and good luck in the contest!
TommyWrites~
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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This is a deep poem. It's very thought provoking.
I like how even though you don't have a lot of rhymes, all of the words seem to fit together perfectly, creating a smooth melody for your reader. I also like the color you chose for your background, and the picture to match.
Great poem JLR, and good luck in the contest!
TommyWrites~
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Tommy, thank you for your comments and good wishes.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Great artwork and
nice presentation, Jim.
-A well written poem with
a good topic and syllable count.
-Effective imagery and internal rhyme.
-I also like the personification
of heartbreak and the question.
-Very good concluding lines, too.
-A very good entry; good luck.
-One small thing: Heartbreak's
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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-Great artwork and
nice presentation, Jim.
-A well written poem with
a good topic and syllable count.
-Effective imagery and internal rhyme.
-I also like the personification
of heartbreak and the question.
-Very good concluding lines, too.
-A very good entry; good luck.
-One small thing: Heartbreak's
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Pam, I am so glad I have your extra set of eyes LOL. I so appreciate your time and comments.
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You are quite welcome, Jim.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Five-line poem about love relationships often ends up with the partners taking revenge on one another because they are both hurt and know they have failed.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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A very well-written Five-line poem about love relationships often ends up with the partners taking revenge on one another because they are both hurt and know they have failed.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Sandra, Thank you!
Comment from Andreea Ceplinschi
A beautiful compact piece with a clear message. I enjoy that you can convey so much in such a small poetic space and the reflective tone works very well for the theme. I wonder how it would read without punctuation. I feel like the ellipses and commas are trying to hard to give the reader hints towards the flow of the poem, but it might flow just as well with no punctuation at all, giving the reader the opportunity to make their own discoveries of meaning.
Great little piece!
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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A beautiful compact piece with a clear message. I enjoy that you can convey so much in such a small poetic space and the reflective tone works very well for the theme. I wonder how it would read without punctuation. I feel like the ellipses and commas are trying to hard to give the reader hints towards the flow of the poem, but it might flow just as well with no punctuation at all, giving the reader the opportunity to make their own discoveries of meaning.
Great little piece!
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Andreea. now what do you think? thanks!
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It definitely works. I would even take out the comma at the end of the penultimate line. I'm thinking of Japanese poetry forms and how the message here is so heartbreaking and beautiful that it reads very haiku-like and doesn't need the constrains of punctuation :)
Comment from elchupakabra
Your title has a typo, it says eye for and eye, I wonder if anyone else has noticed? Otherwise this short piece is well done and I like the image you picked. Good work, thanks for sharing. Later daze.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Your title has a typo, it says eye for and eye, I wonder if anyone else has noticed? Otherwise this short piece is well done and I like the image you picked. Good work, thanks for sharing. Later daze.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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You certainly did LOL!
Comment from Cindy Decker
I like your 5linepoem entry. The Old Testament teaches an eye for an eye.,the New Testament teaches turn the other cheek. I've used both, but I find forgiving sometime difficult. I love the photo//it fits your poem. Good luck in the contest!
Best wishes,
Cindy
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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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I like your 5linepoem entry. The Old Testament teaches an eye for an eye.,the New Testament teaches turn the other cheek. I've used both, but I find forgiving sometime difficult. I love the photo//it fits your poem. Good luck in the contest!
Best wishes,
Cindy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
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Cindy, thank you. The human condition mired in the egoic self so often doesn't not consider other people's feelings.
