Heart Cafted Poems - 2020
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Will my legacy be undone?"Musings of an old man -2020
34 total reviews
Comment from Bill Pinder
I like this writing which sounds like it's written with genuine intentions. Sounds like you have some serious regrets from the past like most of us do. Hopefully you expressed a strong love for your family which overrides any negative stuff. If you want to express any love or apologies while you're still alive, please do so. I have been on the bad end where the family did not.
Bill
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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I like this writing which sounds like it's written with genuine intentions. Sounds like you have some serious regrets from the past like most of us do. Hopefully you expressed a strong love for your family which overrides any negative stuff. If you want to express any love or apologies while you're still alive, please do so. I have been on the bad end where the family did not.
Bill
Comment Written 08-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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Thank Bill, More a lagging issue about Corporate life now retired a year later on what I could have done better as a leader.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Kyrielle about leaving a legacy that will be remembered for many life times. We need to be careful what we say because it can never be unspoken.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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A very well-written Kyrielle about leaving a legacy that will be remembered for many life times. We need to be careful what we say because it can never be unspoken.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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Sandra, as a retired businessman that is the crux of this poem, did I do it right?
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The format is correct to my knowledge and your repeating line worked well.
Comment from phill doran
Hello Anon Writer
This is a very interesting topic for a poem - particularly one written in the style of a kyrielle (which I believe, ironically, has a religious origin). I think teh sentiment need not be restricted to 'executives' but could apply to any leader - even parents.
I do think you need to work on the second quatrain which appears to have five lines and should really only have 4 - accuracy in this respect is crucial for a contest. I also think this is meant to be rhyming poem? You may wish to re-read the rules: Although 'any' type of rhyme scheme is allowed, I think some form of rhyme must be used.
A final small point, but your subheading should, I think, refer to "...executive's..." with an apostrophe.
I wish you well with your revision and in the contest.
Cheers
phill
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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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Hello Anon Writer
This is a very interesting topic for a poem - particularly one written in the style of a kyrielle (which I believe, ironically, has a religious origin). I think teh sentiment need not be restricted to 'executives' but could apply to any leader - even parents.
I do think you need to work on the second quatrain which appears to have five lines and should really only have 4 - accuracy in this respect is crucial for a contest. I also think this is meant to be rhyming poem? You may wish to re-read the rules: Although 'any' type of rhyme scheme is allowed, I think some form of rhyme must be used.
A final small point, but your subheading should, I think, refer to "...executive's..." with an apostrophe.
I wish you well with your revision and in the contest.
Cheers
phill
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Comment Written 08-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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Thanks for the catch of my error!
Comment from RShipp
I have never tried to write a Kyrielle, nor do I think I have ever purposefully read one, but it seems that you have followed all the requirements for a Kyrielle, and you have stated something of worth. Well done.
"what's said can 'ner be unspoken!" How true... How true!
Best of luck in the Kyrielle Poetry Contest.
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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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I have never tried to write a Kyrielle, nor do I think I have ever purposefully read one, but it seems that you have followed all the requirements for a Kyrielle, and you have stated something of worth. Well done.
"what's said can 'ner be unspoken!" How true... How true!
Best of luck in the Kyrielle Poetry Contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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Thank you!
