Love Letter on a Clipboard
Part One~42 total reviews
Comment from Alex Rosel
I like how you set the premise for the story in the first three paragraphs. It's succinct, but gets the message across to the reader {smiles}.
This first part has drawn me in. I'll definitely be looking out for the next installment.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
specializing in the care of the elderly, and the diseases that afflict them. -- Maybe I'd think of replacing this by referring to geriatrics. Just a suggestion. For me, it's a close call...
She had a fun-loving team: Albert, Diana, Wendy, Yvette, Mary Ann, Jesse, and Ben -- Actually, including Kristin, that's nine. So, I'd question the previous "Kristin was one of a team of eight".
"I've entertained many thoughts today, tormenting nurse. My mind is still working, contrary to the specialists who locked me in here. -- Spag? Missing closing quotation marks.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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I like how you set the premise for the story in the first three paragraphs. It's succinct, but gets the message across to the reader {smiles}.
This first part has drawn me in. I'll definitely be looking out for the next installment.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
specializing in the care of the elderly, and the diseases that afflict them. -- Maybe I'd think of replacing this by referring to geriatrics. Just a suggestion. For me, it's a close call...
She had a fun-loving team: Albert, Diana, Wendy, Yvette, Mary Ann, Jesse, and Ben -- Actually, including Kristin, that's nine. So, I'd question the previous "Kristin was one of a team of eight".
"I've entertained many thoughts today, tormenting nurse. My mind is still working, contrary to the specialists who locked me in here. -- Spag? Missing closing quotation marks.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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Thank you for the excellent review and kind compliments. I?m glad you enjoyed it. I always appreciate your critiques, too.
Mary Ann should probably be hyphenated. That probably why you came up with nine. I will add that now. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xo
Comment from Sallyo
This is a most intriguing beginning and now I'll have to sign up to catch the rest of the story. There are a few typos...
The cranky, Mr. Lewis
The cranky Mr. Lewis
locked me in here.
locked me in here."
updating patient's
updating patients'
read everyday
read every day
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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This is a most intriguing beginning and now I'll have to sign up to catch the rest of the story. There are a few typos...
The cranky, Mr. Lewis
The cranky Mr. Lewis
locked me in here.
locked me in here."
updating patient's
updating patients'
read everyday
read every day
Comment Written 25-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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Thank you, dear Sally. I appreciate the excellent review and helpful critiques. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xo
Comment from WalkerMan
Many people are in occupational or other situations which make finding a love partner difficult at best. Kristin, at age 39, in her job caring for elderly people, seems to be in such a position, while the days of her life keep slipping by.
After a bad (and potentially worse) experience with online dating, she is determined to find true love "the old-fashioned way" but does not know where to start.
As she begins her rounds, she finds a letter resembling an ornate wedding invitation attached to her clipboard. It is scented with lavender, her favorite fragrance, elegantly lettered in calligraphy, and sealed with red wax. Though curious, she pockets it to examine later.
She likes her job and warm-hearted co-workers, and you show us how well she cares for old Captain Lewis, who has only his past to cling to.
You don't mention it, but that must have led to wondering whether, far in the future, she'll not even have such a past to want to remember.
During her lunch break, she retrieves the pocketed letter and opens it, finding more elegant handwriting inside, sincerely professing love for her by an admirer who is not yet ready to reveal his identity.
He promises not to delay much longer, saying an opportunity has arisen which will result in a career change for him.
This prompts me to wonder whether the letter came from one of her male co-workers, but I'm sure we won't know who he is for some time, as you are good at keeping readers in suspense.
Superb, and aptly illustrated.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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Many people are in occupational or other situations which make finding a love partner difficult at best. Kristin, at age 39, in her job caring for elderly people, seems to be in such a position, while the days of her life keep slipping by.
After a bad (and potentially worse) experience with online dating, she is determined to find true love "the old-fashioned way" but does not know where to start.
As she begins her rounds, she finds a letter resembling an ornate wedding invitation attached to her clipboard. It is scented with lavender, her favorite fragrance, elegantly lettered in calligraphy, and sealed with red wax. Though curious, she pockets it to examine later.
She likes her job and warm-hearted co-workers, and you show us how well she cares for old Captain Lewis, who has only his past to cling to.
You don't mention it, but that must have led to wondering whether, far in the future, she'll not even have such a past to want to remember.
During her lunch break, she retrieves the pocketed letter and opens it, finding more elegant handwriting inside, sincerely professing love for her by an admirer who is not yet ready to reveal his identity.
He promises not to delay much longer, saying an opportunity has arisen which will result in a career change for him.
This prompts me to wonder whether the letter came from one of her male co-workers, but I'm sure we won't know who he is for some time, as you are good at keeping readers in suspense.
Superb, and aptly illustrated.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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Dear Mike, Thank you for the marvelous review and generous six stars. Thank you for your time today as I know it has been a full one. I?m in a writing tank right now and posting as I have them. More coming this week. Thank you again for such a kind review. It means so much to me.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sally :+))
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You are most welcome, Sal. This is a lovely story and very well told. You will pick up new readers with it, and I'm not surprised to see you rising in the ranks of writers. You really can make writing your new career. -- Mike
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Thanks again, Mike. I would love writing to be my career. Right now I love a small life and hope as I write. :+))
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Yes, I understand, Sal. Your hope is justified, though, as long as you keep developing your skills. Readers don't always realize what went into a good piece of writing; but, subconsciously, most are attracted to works that are better on multiple levels. Your writing already shows such characteristics, including the key "from the heart" aspect that cannot be taught, and will keep improving on the technical side. -- Mike
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Heart, I have. Thanks for all the tremendous help, support, and encouragement. You have made a huge difference in my life. Sal ,+))
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That is just such a nice comment. I sense you meant it. I?m humbled. xo
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Yes, and you are most welcome, Sal. -- Mike
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Thank you. I always mean what I say in encouragement. :))
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You are as sincere as they come. :+))
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
The ending is months away? Isn't that a bit too far off? We'll forget what we've read by then. I strongly suggest you reconsider your timing.
It's a great story so far, and I'm sure I'm not alone in wanting to see the next installment, but if I have to wait a month, I will have forgotten all about part one. Maybe others have better memories. We'll see. :)
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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The ending is months away? Isn't that a bit too far off? We'll forget what we've read by then. I strongly suggest you reconsider your timing.
It's a great story so far, and I'm sure I'm not alone in wanting to see the next installment, but if I have to wait a month, I will have forgotten all about part one. Maybe others have better memories. We'll see. :)
Comment Written 25-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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All right, all right. You talked me into it. My husband agrees with Phyllis. I am outweighed. Thank for the excellent review and kind interest. More coming real soon. ,+)
Sal xo
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Yay! :)
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Sally. I understand what a difficult job Kristin must have. I would find that job very difficult. The other thing the letter says to me is her "suitor" wants her as she is, not as she could be. There is also the "uncertain future" the secret admirer is dealing with. I'm sure you will clear this up in future offerings. Z
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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Hello Sally. I understand what a difficult job Kristin must have. I would find that job very difficult. The other thing the letter says to me is her "suitor" wants her as she is, not as she could be. There is also the "uncertain future" the secret admirer is dealing with. I'm sure you will clear this up in future offerings. Z
Comment Written 24-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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Robert dear, thank you. I?m glad you enjoyed it. Take care of that dear woman your married.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sally :+)
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Hi Sally. She's a LUCKY woman. My best to you as well Sal. :)
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Wow secret admire that uses the old fashion way, paper, pen, envelope, pressed flower and sealed message. I really liked this part, it brought humanity back, on the first page :"I've entertained many thoughts today, tormenting nurse. My mind is still working, contrary to the specialists who locked me in here."
It's just temporary," Kristin said. "We are just making sure you are sea worthy. Captain, is it?"
"Was. I was, once," he said turning away." The old gentleman grew quiet.
Thank you for sharing and I am waiting for the next chapter:) Sally this is so exciting.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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Wow secret admire that uses the old fashion way, paper, pen, envelope, pressed flower and sealed message. I really liked this part, it brought humanity back, on the first page :"I've entertained many thoughts today, tormenting nurse. My mind is still working, contrary to the specialists who locked me in here."
It's just temporary," Kristin said. "We are just making sure you are sea worthy. Captain, is it?"
"Was. I was, once," he said turning away." The old gentleman grew quiet.
Thank you for sharing and I am waiting for the next chapter:) Sally this is so exciting.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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Iza, you?re so very kind. Thank you for the excellent review and kind compliments. It is so appreciated.
Sending you my best today as well,
Sal xo
Comment from Diana L Crawford
Oh my! Capturing my heart again, are you? What intrigue and mystery you create! The perfect "lonely life" Cinderella existence only to find out there is a Prince out there! What is more thrilling than a secret admirer! Alas, it will be hard to wait for the next part! xoxo
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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Oh my! Capturing my heart again, are you? What intrigue and mystery you create! The perfect "lonely life" Cinderella existence only to find out there is a Prince out there! What is more thrilling than a secret admirer! Alas, it will be hard to wait for the next part! xoxo
Comment Written 24-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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Thank you, dear Diana. I knew for a fact you?d like this. You?re such a romantic.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xoxo
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Oh yes! You got my number for sure! LoL! Can?t wait for next part!!!! Xoxo
Comment from Richard J
Ahhh, Sal!
With bated breath, I wait.
A few punctuation and syntax issues, but it's an easy fix.
Message, and I'll address them with you.
Hurry with the next chapter ... ya got an olde bard's heart thumping! ~ Richard ; )
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2019
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Ahhh, Sal!
With bated breath, I wait.
A few punctuation and syntax issues, but it's an easy fix.
Message, and I'll address them with you.
Hurry with the next chapter ... ya got an olde bard's heart thumping! ~ Richard ; )
Comment Written 24-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2019
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Thank you so much for the marvelous reception. I knew it would appeal to the hopeless romantics out there. I am deeply honored. Thank you again for the wonderful review and six star shower.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sally xo
Comment from lyenochka
What a great story! I think that there will be lots to learn about how to view romantic live from your story! Great way to start this! I'm sure you will give us more background and clues in the future posts!
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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What a great story! I think that there will be lots to learn about how to view romantic live from your story! Great way to start this! I'm sure you will give us more background and clues in the future posts!
Comment Written 24-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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Thank you, dear Helen. I decided to add more to this today so keep a watch out. I hope to have an companion story running alongside this one.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sally xo
Comment from BeasPeas
This is very nice, Sally. I have friends who are facility caregivers and it's a tough job physically and emotionally. I agree that the old-fashioned way of "face-to-face" is best. Looking forward to reading the next segment. Marilyn
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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This is very nice, Sally. I have friends who are facility caregivers and it's a tough job physically and emotionally. I agree that the old-fashioned way of "face-to-face" is best. Looking forward to reading the next segment. Marilyn
Comment Written 24-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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Thank you, Marilyn. I appreciate the excellent review and kind encouragement. It is always so appreciated.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xo
