Knock, Knock, Who's There?
An old lady in trouble.50 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was brilliant! She is a clever old lady, LOL. All that planning and she gets away with murder. It was a fun read, and I really enjoyed it. Good luck in the contest, it's a fantastic entry. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
  |
That was brilliant! She is a clever old lady, LOL. All that planning and she gets away with murder. It was a fun read, and I really enjoyed it. Good luck in the contest, it's a fantastic entry. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 31-May-2017
reply by the author on 31-May-2017
-
I wrote this story on my desktop before leaving town for the week. I planned to polish it up on my iPad for the contest when I got here. However, every time I have tried to make a change, the story box goes back to the beginning and freezes up. After about three hours over multiple sessions, I gave up. Of course, as upset as I've been about the things I don't like, you have made me feel much better about them. Thank you so much, Sandra Michell, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. If you think it's okay, then everything is great with me. :-)
-
You're welcome, my friend. I voted for you, so in my mind it was the best one. :) x
Comment from kathleenspalding
Hoho! didn't see that coming! Good story with a great twist. Very imaginative, funny and well written. one question -
...at that precise instance or instant?
that's it. great job!
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
|
Hoho! didn't see that coming! Good story with a great twist. Very imaginative, funny and well written. one question -
...at that precise instance or instant?
that's it. great job!
Comment Written 30-May-2017
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
-
You know what, Kathleen Spaulding, you've asked me a great question, one that I'm not sure about? I'm sure both words can be used, as it's an instance happening in time, but I kind of think that "In that instant" might be a better choice. Thanks for bringing it to my attention! Thanks for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, suggestion, and generous review are greatly appreciated.
:-)
-
You're welcome. LOL, I know what you mean. I had to look it up to make sure whether or not to bring it to your attn. :-D
Comment from Thesis
You had me believing that Delia was innocent. What a deceitful old lady. Gotta love it. A serial murderer, doing the Lord's work, what a hoot. I really enjoyed her spunk and how she reasoned what she would do, even with the cops and her cellmate.
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
|
You had me believing that Delia was innocent. What a deceitful old lady. Gotta love it. A serial murderer, doing the Lord's work, what a hoot. I really enjoyed her spunk and how she reasoned what she would do, even with the cops and her cellmate.
Comment Written 30-May-2017
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
-
Thank you so much, Thesis, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from country ranch writer
Wow this was a twist for the story of granny doing her bit for society. Who was going to ever think granny was a killer. She should be more careful where she leaves things. An eye opener for sure
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
|
Wow this was a twist for the story of granny doing her bit for society. Who was going to ever think granny was a killer. She should be more careful where she leaves things. An eye opener for sure
Comment Written 30-May-2017
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
-
Thank you so much, Country Ranch Writer, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
-
Smiles
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
I did laugh and did enjoy this tale so very much. I was in turns amused and surprised '
Delia has never considered herself doing anything other than the Lord's will, helping rid the world of the dregs of society. This was her fourth murder of the summer. All of them attributed to the Eastside verses Westside drug wars that boil-over during the hot-weather months, every year. She always kills her fair share. '
Brilliant ending, so well written I hope you do well in the competition love Meia :)
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
|
I did laugh and did enjoy this tale so very much. I was in turns amused and surprised '
Delia has never considered herself doing anything other than the Lord's will, helping rid the world of the dregs of society. This was her fourth murder of the summer. All of them attributed to the Eastside verses Westside drug wars that boil-over during the hot-weather months, every year. She always kills her fair share. '
Brilliant ending, so well written I hope you do well in the competition love Meia :)
Comment Written 30-May-2017
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
-
Thank you so much, Meia, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. It's encouraging reviews like yours that keep us struggling word slingers slopping ink on the pages. Especially, those of us who see a little of the twisted side in all of us. LOL! Thanks, again. :-)
Comment from frogbook
Undoubtedly an interesting write for this prompt with a surprise ending. Some incomplete sentences, but have been intentional. Best of luck with this great entry.
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
|
Undoubtedly an interesting write for this prompt with a surprise ending. Some incomplete sentences, but have been intentional. Best of luck with this great entry.
Comment Written 30-May-2017
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
-
Thank you so much, Frogbook, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. Most never notice the fragmented sentences, but for you and all the other astute grammarians, yes, these were intentional. However, that's not to say I haven't written my fair share which weren't intended. I always appreciate your outstanding observations and feedback. Thanks, again. :-)
Comment from doggymad
This was a well written piece which held my attention despite the length of it. Might I suggest that you alter the opening line, as the rules insist on using There was a knock on the door, as your absolute opening line. I got caught like this once before.
I personally found the pale print used for Della's thoughts a bit difficult to read.
Best of luck
hugs
Freda
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
|
This was a well written piece which held my attention despite the length of it. Might I suggest that you alter the opening line, as the rules insist on using There was a knock on the door, as your absolute opening line. I got caught like this once before.
I personally found the pale print used for Della's thoughts a bit difficult to read.
Best of luck
hugs
Freda
Comment Written 30-May-2017
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
-
Thank you so much, Freda, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, suggestions, and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from pome lover
well, you certainly had fun with this story, and got to use a bunch of humorous analogies, as you and Delia took the long misleading route to the wild and wacky end, bamboozling the reader. I kept wondering how in the world it would end as granny seemed to get tougher and tougher. good job.
pome lover
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
|
well, you certainly had fun with this story, and got to use a bunch of humorous analogies, as you and Delia took the long misleading route to the wild and wacky end, bamboozling the reader. I kept wondering how in the world it would end as granny seemed to get tougher and tougher. good job.
pome lover
Comment Written 30-May-2017
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
-
Thank you so much, Pome Lover, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated! :-)
Comment from apky
I loved this, and learnt new expressions I never heard before:
The cops push and pull, as I grunt and strain until out slips one of those squeaking bottle-rocket toots. At that precise instance, I kick out the wagon's left-rear tail light; hoping the plastic pops and cracks might disguise my mousey flatulence.
All of them attributed to the Eastside [verses - versus?] Westside drug wars that boil-over during the hot-weather months, every year.
I had more than my fair share of laughs with this one.
Thank you and good luck from,
Apky
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
|
I loved this, and learnt new expressions I never heard before:
The cops push and pull, as I grunt and strain until out slips one of those squeaking bottle-rocket toots. At that precise instance, I kick out the wagon's left-rear tail light; hoping the plastic pops and cracks might disguise my mousey flatulence.
All of them attributed to the Eastside [verses - versus?] Westside drug wars that boil-over during the hot-weather months, every year.
I had more than my fair share of laughs with this one.
Thank you and good luck from,
Apky
Comment Written 30-May-2017
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
-
Thank you so much, APKY, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. The Eastside verses Westside drug wars are something that happens every summer in most of America's major cities, when the young upstart dealers try to infringe on the old pro's territories, by underselling and stealing their business. Thanks, again. :-)
-
Thanks for explaining, I thought you meant versus as for example in a court of law when the case is one party versus the other party.
Best,
Apky
Comment from JDRBAR
Loved it. It was predictable about half way when you mentioned explaining her way out of this, lol. That did not stop my enjoyment of the read though. I saw no nits or errors. Good luck with this.
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
|
Loved it. It was predictable about half way when you mentioned explaining her way out of this, lol. That did not stop my enjoyment of the read though. I saw no nits or errors. Good luck with this.
Comment Written 30-May-2017
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
-
Yes, I threw a few hints in there so that the truth wouldn't smack some of the more conservative readers in the face too hard. Thank you so much, JDRBAR, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)