THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 " Is the Alliance With Chiel Wise?"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
45 total reviews
Comment from c_lucas
As in any barbarian society, the help is greatly mishandled and mistreated. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
  |
As in any barbarian society, the help is greatly mishandled and mistreated. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
-
THank you, Charlie for reading this. I'm glad it's resonating with you.
-
You're welcome, Jay. Charlie
Comment from lancellot
A great chapter. You did a masterful job of making the reader feel both for Chiel and his clear loss of leadership after working so hard and for Corl's beating. The ending reminded the reader of just what is at stake on a human level.
Perfect!
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
 |
A great chapter. You did a masterful job of making the reader feel both for Chiel and his clear loss of leadership after working so hard and for Corl's beating. The ending reminded the reader of just what is at stake on a human level.
Perfect!
Comment Written 07-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
-
Thanks again for your wonderful and kind comments, Lance. Your 6 was a cherry on top!
Comment from royowen
Great episode, it looks like you've aligned my he characters nicely to line up to bring the Glnot Reuther army to a place of defeat, Glnot Reuther is still the cruel B that he is, as a character. Poor Corl. Doctrex has lined up Cuiel and Bips to get a spy to the Kabeezan to prepare to attack, most enjoyable write, and interesting verbal chess playing,well done Jay, blessings. Roy
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
|
Great episode, it looks like you've aligned my he characters nicely to line up to bring the Glnot Reuther army to a place of defeat, Glnot Reuther is still the cruel B that he is, as a character. Poor Corl. Doctrex has lined up Cuiel and Bips to get a spy to the Kabeezan to prepare to attack, most enjoyable write, and interesting verbal chess playing,well done Jay, blessings. Roy
Comment Written 07-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
-
Many thanks, Roy. It's always a joy to get a review from you since it always evidences a close read.
-
Welcome Jay
Comment from barkingdog
Long ago, I suspected Chiel was more than he appeared. Leader of the People's Army--indeed!
I'm looking forward to see how they coordinate their efforts and hopefully, Chiel's ego won't get in the way of cooperation. Doctrex tried to sooth that over, but Chiel's response was a bit iffy to say the least. lol
I pitied the poor tailor being beaten so badly. You wrote that an brought great sympathy for his fear of punishment and I fear of Doctrex who he thought caused his pain.
Possible correction:
The People's army, by themselves--" I held up one index finger, "--will be defeated in one day,
Later, Jay.
:) e
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
|
Long ago, I suspected Chiel was more than he appeared. Leader of the People's Army--indeed!
I'm looking forward to see how they coordinate their efforts and hopefully, Chiel's ego won't get in the way of cooperation. Doctrex tried to sooth that over, but Chiel's response was a bit iffy to say the least. lol
I pitied the poor tailor being beaten so badly. You wrote that an brought great sympathy for his fear of punishment and I fear of Doctrex who he thought caused his pain.
Possible correction:
The People's army, by themselves--" I held up one index finger, "--will be defeated in one day,
Later, Jay.
:) e
Comment Written 07-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
-
Bless you, Ellen. I'm thrilled you enjoyed the chapter. I'm not sure it will play out as you anticipate, but time will certainly tell. I changed the narrative in the middle of his dialogue to "I held up AN index finger (at Cumbrianlass's suggestion) to prevent the echo of "one". But it seems like you are pointing out something else. I'm sorry, I don't see it. Again, thanks for your loyalty.
-
It was the punctuation, not the wording. You placed your em dash differently here than in several paragraphs below. I think the paragraphs below are correct so suggested you use the same format here.
:) e
Comment from JTStone
I patiently wait for these segments, this is an enjoyable and captivating story.
I love your attention to detail. The bath sequence with the cauldron and the pole barriers, Corl with his wounds--and the jacket.
Again you nailed the dialog. It moves the story and you use it well to relay Chiel's emotions.
Your understanding and relaying human nature is evident throughout this story.
This is another excellent portion of the buildup leading to the conflict between the brothers.
Now I've had my fix, I'll wait for the next piece.
Jimmy
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
|
I patiently wait for these segments, this is an enjoyable and captivating story.
I love your attention to detail. The bath sequence with the cauldron and the pole barriers, Corl with his wounds--and the jacket.
Again you nailed the dialog. It moves the story and you use it well to relay Chiel's emotions.
Your understanding and relaying human nature is evident throughout this story.
This is another excellent portion of the buildup leading to the conflict between the brothers.
Now I've had my fix, I'll wait for the next piece.
Jimmy
Comment Written 07-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
-
Jimmy, I don't think you look forward to the next segment more than I look forward to your commentary on it. You are very kind and generous.
Comment from krprice
I took. . . him, set. . ., and, . . .
He closed. . . Thank you, General. . .
Good chapter. I can see this book is slowly coming to a close. I look forward to see how it turns out.
Karlene
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
|
I took. . . him, set. . ., and, . . .
He closed. . . Thank you, General. . .
Good chapter. I can see this book is slowly coming to a close. I look forward to see how it turns out.
Karlene
Comment Written 07-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
-
Are you sure you don't mean you look forward to it coming to a close? LOL, I sure do! Thanks for your comments and suggestions. I'll take a close look at them.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Jay Squires,
It's a nice piece of Fantasy Fiction in continuation, having as usual, impressive wording, smooth and captivating flow throughout, lovely description of persons and situations.
The last four lines predict that the next part is more interesting, and I'm waiting for that.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
|
Hello Jay Squires,
It's a nice piece of Fantasy Fiction in continuation, having as usual, impressive wording, smooth and captivating flow throughout, lovely description of persons and situations.
The last four lines predict that the next part is more interesting, and I'm waiting for that.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
-
Many thanks, RP. We still have a ways to go for the climax of the story. The chapter system here at FS is artificial at best. But hang in there. I think you'll like the way it plays out.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Jay,
Great write in this chapter again. The balancing act between Doctrex and Rhuether, and Doctrex and Chiel are well handled. A rather precarious situation he finds himself in. Softly, softly, catcheee monkey.
Great stuff
G
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
|
Hi Jay,
Great write in this chapter again. The balancing act between Doctrex and Rhuether, and Doctrex and Chiel are well handled. A rather precarious situation he finds himself in. Softly, softly, catcheee monkey.
Great stuff
G
Comment Written 07-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
-
Thanks, G. I'm happy you find this entertaining. I love your comment: Softly, softly, catcheee monkey. Haven't a clue what it means, but it ripples and demands to be used somewhere.
Comment from Gloria ....
Hi Jay Squires. :)) As always it's wonderful to see your posts.
Whoa that's some strong language, be made vicious humiliating examples of.
I hope it's a wise alliance as well. So true that compassion can grow to tolerance or tyranny.
Beautiful bath sequence. A bowl of fruit, clean towels and soap. Sounds divine.
Exceptional body descriptions right throughout.
Super writing, Jay. But, you always do. The writing is impeccable.
Gloria
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
|
Hi Jay Squires. :)) As always it's wonderful to see your posts.
Whoa that's some strong language, be made vicious humiliating examples of.
I hope it's a wise alliance as well. So true that compassion can grow to tolerance or tyranny.
Beautiful bath sequence. A bowl of fruit, clean towels and soap. Sounds divine.
Exceptional body descriptions right throughout.
Super writing, Jay. But, you always do. The writing is impeccable.
Gloria
Comment Written 07-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2016
-
Gloria, thanks one more time for your kindness and generosity. Your reviews are what're impeccable. Bless you for the six stars.
Comment from trumby
Masterfully written as always, mate.
I can never find any spags in your work, even though it makes me feel good when I can find something wrong because then I know that I'm working for the person that I'm reviewing. I like to help.
I can relate to Corl. I'm a small bloke, too. I got sick of people bullying me though. I've done 7 years of martial arts and I beat up my 1st bully last year. It felt very good
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
|
Masterfully written as always, mate.
I can never find any spags in your work, even though it makes me feel good when I can find something wrong because then I know that I'm working for the person that I'm reviewing. I like to help.
I can relate to Corl. I'm a small bloke, too. I got sick of people bullying me though. I've done 7 years of martial arts and I beat up my 1st bully last year. It felt very good
Comment Written 07-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
-
Hey, Trumby. Thanks so much for the 6 stars. I hate to have SPAGs in my writing. If you knew how many edits it goes through from first draft to post it might explain their absence. Again, thanks for your kindness!