Comment from ProSongwriter

Excellent

Hi Jay ...

Quite an interesting read, this conversation between Glnot and Doctrex! Trying to sell the idea of Mojo, eh? Is it fact, fiction or imagination? Hmmm!

You deliver the back and forth between them in an interesting manner ... each trying to justify his words by whatever means.

Nice teaser at the end ... the second experience. Teasers at chapter endings speak to me ... I think they are a necessity to the ongoing suspense and impart a stronger desire for the reader to turn the page. So many authors just end their chapters wherever the nearest paragraph is to the number of words the author has in mind for the chapter.

Two small things caught my attention and drew me away for a second or two ...

1. He laughed, then stopped short when I dealt him back a deadpan look.

*** The word "deadpan" made me stop for a second. It sounded to theatrical, modern or 'hip' and didn't seem to blend with all your other wonderful words. To me, 'expressionless', 'blank' or something similar might fit better. I know they are a bit more mundane, but yet seem more fluid to the sentence. Could be just me, though! It sometimes is.
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2. I continued to stare at him, my chin still atop my fist.

This one didn't particularly pull me fro the story as I read along, but after I read the chapter, I had some thoughts. Here are a couple of things that crossed my mind:

a. I continued to stare at him, my chin still 'perched' atop my fist.
b. I continued to stare at him, my chin still 'anchored' atop my fist.

Just a couple of thoughts for what they might be worth. Keep or sweep as you see fit.

wishing you a great 2016. Happy New Year!

Alan

 Comment Written 03-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2016

You've given me some good ideas, Alan, especially that chin anchor one. You might be right, also, about deadpan. Yeah, you might have something there. Let me mull it over awhile.

Meanwhile, how are you feeling, friend? The chemo I had was like once a week, but I went to the office and sat for the couple of hours for it to drip in me. Just keep strong, Alan. You start losing your hair yet? I didn't lose the hair on my head, only my arm pits and legs.

reply by ProSongwriter on 03-Jan-2016

Hi Jay ...

I like to throw out a few alternatives sometimes. Even if the author doesn't use them at the time, they might be worth considering for a different project.

As far as my chemo, so far ... pretty good. I've had two treatments thus far. I get an in-facility infusion every two weeks ... every other Monday. It takes just over 4 hours. And, like yours, it's an IV drip. They implanted a port in my chest. They use it in lieu of typical IV infusion for all my chemo meds and blood work. It's surgically implanted a couple of inches below my right collar bone. After the chemo infusion, the hook a bag up to my port with more chemo meds. The bag contains a pump that forces the meds into my bloodstream for 48 hours. I go back on Wednesdays after my Monday infusion and they remove the bag. I'm then free for about 10 days. Then, the cycle starts all over again.

No hair loss or nausea ... at east not yet. They only symptoms of the meds I have at this time are:

Sensitivity to cold
Perpetually tired - want to sleep all the time
Neuropathic pain in my left hand and toes
Decreased appetite

Also, my taste in foods is changing. That was a bit of a surprise.

My oncologist gives me an 80 - 85 per cent chance of a full recovery/remission. I remain confident all will be fine.

Thank you for asking. I appreciate that very much! Will keep you apprised as things move along.

Best to you, Jay!

Alan

Comment from chasennov

Excellent

Getting the Mojo on. A chapter in the book THE TRINING Book Three. Sacred Rites of Conjugality.' What a heck of a chapter this is, Jay. I'm wondering where this is going to end with these deaths to be justified. Very well done.

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 Comment Written 03-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2016

Many thanks, Chas. Doctrex is doing quite a sales job on Glnot.

reply by chasennov on 03-Jan-2016

So I understand. Good onya, mate.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

A fantastic ending to this story, I wouldn't have though Glnot Reuther would be sucked into this "mojo" explanation, that Doctrex is throwing at Glnor, I suppose their is a way, by setting up a mode of doubt. And isn't this what the simpleminded have thrust on them by those in ruler ship. And is this reverse psychology? Will it Work? Well done, blessings, what people will do to get out giving somebody away. my friend well done, Blessings, Roy

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 Comment Written 03-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016

First of all, my sincere apologies for the lateness of this review. I was totally unprepared for the response to this post and got so far behind. In addition, I posted my regular novel which got its regular reviews. I hope after what I wrote about in my 'I Love' post my friends will forgive me the pasting of this first paragraph. Apologies take more space.

I hope I can convince the reader that Doctrex can pull it off.

Roy, you are always the best!