Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "Conze Moon"Murder Mystery
49 total reviews
Comment from robina1978
The book gets better with each chapter but also more complicated. They found the body they were looking for and are going to check why he died.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
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The book gets better with each chapter but also more complicated. They found the body they were looking for and are going to check why he died.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
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Thanks for the compliment, Ine. I know it seems complicated right now, but the jigsaw puzzle parts are moving into position. I appreciate your generous and supportive review. Warm regards, Bev
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as always so welcome Bev, Ine
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:0) xx
Comment from chasennov
'Conze Moon.' I just love to read about tribal people, anywhere, they are really fascinating to me. Your chapter is well formulated and also well structured. Well done.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
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'Conze Moon.' I just love to read about tribal people, anywhere, they are really fascinating to me. Your chapter is well formulated and also well structured. Well done.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2013
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Thank you, C. I sure appreciate the generous review and supportive insights. Warm regards, Bev
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You're very welcome, Bev.
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:0)
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What does :0) mean? I'm ignorant.
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It's my goofy sideways smiley face. You're not ignorant, I've been asked that question by others.
Comment from Connie C
I'm going to repeat myself here, Bev, with what I often tell you, but what more can I say? First, you know that I look for spags but couldn't find any, so that's a good thing. Second, I often comment on how smoothly the story flows, and it does with this chapter as well. I will admit that I'm glad you include the list of characters at the end of each chapter because sometimes I might forget the role a certain character is playing. Your notes help, for sure. You have such a real knack for setting the scene with your excellent description and the tone with your use of dialogue. I'm missing Father Brian--when we will he reappear? Keep up the good work, my friend. Yay! I can give you a well-deserved sixer for this.
Hugs,
Connie xx
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2013
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I'm going to repeat myself here, Bev, with what I often tell you, but what more can I say? First, you know that I look for spags but couldn't find any, so that's a good thing. Second, I often comment on how smoothly the story flows, and it does with this chapter as well. I will admit that I'm glad you include the list of characters at the end of each chapter because sometimes I might forget the role a certain character is playing. Your notes help, for sure. You have such a real knack for setting the scene with your excellent description and the tone with your use of dialogue. I'm missing Father Brian--when we will he reappear? Keep up the good work, my friend. Yay! I can give you a well-deserved sixer for this.
Hugs,
Connie xx
Comment Written 07-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2013
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Thank you so very much, Connie. Your words are encouraging and make me feel the work of writing this chapter (which did not come easily LOL) was worth while. Thank you also for your very generous six star rating. I'm honored by your loyalty in following my story and want you to know how much that means to me, my lovely friend.
Hugs, Bev
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You are most welcome, Bev. You are one talented lady.
Hugs,
Connie
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Aw Shucks! Thanks, Connie, you're a dear. xxx Bev
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Great as always. Keeps the interest and makes you want more. Happy to see another chapter. As always very well done Bev, Rox
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2013
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Great as always. Keeps the interest and makes you want more. Happy to see another chapter. As always very well done Bev, Rox
Comment Written 07-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2013
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Thank you so much, Rox. I appreciate your supportive and generous review. Hugs, Bev
Comment from JM daSilva
The scenes are clear and cinematographic. The story is easy to follow. I'll give four because of some spag, but when you fix it, tell me and I'll change it to five, okay? Your style deserves it. Very good. It's like watching a movie.
attitude[,] and the way he wrenched the dead man's fingers about like remnants of a plated
The ME's concern, by contrast, was an [the] accurate time of death. That determination could be off by as much as twenty[-]four hours if the corpse had been stored at 38 degrees Fahrenheit. His brutal actions [remove were] meant to convey his outrage at being
break every finger. "Enough," she ordered. Doctor [Dr.]Bloomquist desisted but made no effort
"We're not on your turf, Doctor [lowercase].
Tribal policeman, Ty Longacre[,] observed//Jana inched the paper free. Her partner, Dectective [Detective] Morales[,] held [I have a topic about vocative here, take a look http://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?id=607019 ]
He was surprised by her question then realized it was because of his Catholic background.
Her question surprised him, then he realized it was because of his Catholic background. [active alternative]
The fact the speaker was her cousin, Ty, both (her cousin Ty, no comma.) [I also have a topic explaining this here http://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?id=607208)
His grin let her know he was amused by her prickly attitude.
His grin let her know her prickly attitude amused him. (maybe you'd like to see what I think about passive here http://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?id=606707 )
"Six years I took Grand pap [is this dialectal?) to every single service held at the Beacon Baptist
Rick Morales and Jana had Ty hemmed in[,] which wasn't helping his concentration.
"Yes, Ma'am [lowercase].
"No, the interview with my Uncle Tony. He'll be as tight as a freshly[remove -]dug clam when it
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2013
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The scenes are clear and cinematographic. The story is easy to follow. I'll give four because of some spag, but when you fix it, tell me and I'll change it to five, okay? Your style deserves it. Very good. It's like watching a movie.
attitude[,] and the way he wrenched the dead man's fingers about like remnants of a plated
The ME's concern, by contrast, was an [the] accurate time of death. That determination could be off by as much as twenty[-]four hours if the corpse had been stored at 38 degrees Fahrenheit. His brutal actions [remove were] meant to convey his outrage at being
break every finger. "Enough," she ordered. Doctor [Dr.]Bloomquist desisted but made no effort
"We're not on your turf, Doctor [lowercase].
Tribal policeman, Ty Longacre[,] observed//Jana inched the paper free. Her partner, Dectective [Detective] Morales[,] held [I have a topic about vocative here, take a look http://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?id=607019 ]
He was surprised by her question then realized it was because of his Catholic background.
Her question surprised him, then he realized it was because of his Catholic background. [active alternative]
The fact the speaker was her cousin, Ty, both (her cousin Ty, no comma.) [I also have a topic explaining this here http://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?id=607208)
His grin let her know he was amused by her prickly attitude.
His grin let her know her prickly attitude amused him. (maybe you'd like to see what I think about passive here http://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?id=606707 )
"Six years I took Grand pap [is this dialectal?) to every single service held at the Beacon Baptist
Rick Morales and Jana had Ty hemmed in[,] which wasn't helping his concentration.
"Yes, Ma'am [lowercase].
"No, the interview with my Uncle Tony. He'll be as tight as a freshly[remove -]dug clam when it
Comment Written 07-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2013
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I appreciate the extremely helpful review. And thank you for providing those links which I intend to check out. The changes make the writing clearer, JM. Warmest regards, Bev
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Great. When you fix it, tell me and I'll change the rating, okay?
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Letting you know the changes have been made. It looks good! Thanks, Bev
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Great, I've changed the rating.
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I appreciate that, JM. I know you don't have to do that. Thank you! Bev
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I love it. You know.
Comment from wordsfromsue
This chapter was so enriched by your descriptive details.... the seagulls, the cracking of the corpse's fingers, the smell of Jana's hair. Those little touches really put the reader at the scene.
I would just like to know how the Coroner manages to walk anywhere with that giant stick firmly lodged in his butt?
:-)
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2013
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This chapter was so enriched by your descriptive details.... the seagulls, the cracking of the corpse's fingers, the smell of Jana's hair. Those little touches really put the reader at the scene.
I would just like to know how the Coroner manages to walk anywhere with that giant stick firmly lodged in his butt?
:-)
Comment Written 07-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2013
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Thank you, Sue. That last bit between Rick and Jana was especially written for you! You asked for romance and I had to throw a little bit in. And I very much appreciate your extremely generous and supportive review. It means a lot to me, Sue. Hugs, Bev
Comment from judiverse
This is going beautifully. Nice scene showing the tension between Jana and the medical examiner over trying to get the note clutched in the deceased Fritz Buell's hand. Jana does a good job of countering the ME's rough handling of the body. We see that Rick has feelings for Jana. Great handling of the fact that various law enforcement entities are involved. The tribal police, the Sheriff's Department, probably the FBI, and Matthew's hired PI. Should make things complicated! judi
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2013
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This is going beautifully. Nice scene showing the tension between Jana and the medical examiner over trying to get the note clutched in the deceased Fritz Buell's hand. Jana does a good job of countering the ME's rough handling of the body. We see that Rick has feelings for Jana. Great handling of the fact that various law enforcement entities are involved. The tribal police, the Sheriff's Department, probably the FBI, and Matthew's hired PI. Should make things complicated! judi
Comment Written 07-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2013
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Thank you so much for this wonderful review, judi. I really appreciate you sharing your insights and your heart-warming encouragement for my chapter. The six stars are icing on the cake and I do appreciate it very much. Hugs, Bev
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You're so welcome. judi
Comment from jjstar
Oh boy...poor Jana. An expertly written piece, Bev. From the technical aspects of the investigations to the visions you portray, it was perfect. So glad Ty stepped in to help them out. Seems like he's been the most rational of all of the law enforcement community. The ME sure seemed like a ghoul, but I guess it comes with the territory! :)
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ME's intention to break every finger. ====ugh!
squawked as they marched toward the smell of meat ===double ugh...
Could be why Fritz Buell's eyes were cut out."===great deduction!
He moved as if all the vitality had been leached from his bones.====love it!
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2013
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Oh boy...poor Jana. An expertly written piece, Bev. From the technical aspects of the investigations to the visions you portray, it was perfect. So glad Ty stepped in to help them out. Seems like he's been the most rational of all of the law enforcement community. The ME sure seemed like a ghoul, but I guess it comes with the territory! :)
***********************************************************
ME's intention to break every finger. ====ugh!
squawked as they marched toward the smell of meat ===double ugh...
Could be why Fritz Buell's eyes were cut out."===great deduction!
He moved as if all the vitality had been leached from his bones.====love it!
Comment Written 07-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2013
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Hi, jj. What an awesome review. Thank you, my friend, for your wonderfully encouraging words. I especially appreciate all the time you took to let me know what you liked. That means a lot. And thanks for not asking when I am going to reveal the murderer LOL. Just kidding.
Your generous stars punctuate your lovely words.
Hugs, Bev
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pfffttt. I'd neverdo such a thing...lol.:)
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:0) XX
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where jana stops the medical examiner from mangling the body further and they keep fitz' son from seeing the body in this condition. they are about to go up against jana's uncle. i enjoyed reading it
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2013
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this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where jana stops the medical examiner from mangling the body further and they keep fitz' son from seeing the body in this condition. they are about to go up against jana's uncle. i enjoyed reading it
Comment Written 07-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2013
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Thank you so much, sweet. I so appreciate your generosity and continued support. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from donaldww
I like your build up to the interview with Uncle Tony. He sounds like fun, being as tight as a fresh-dug clam. I wonder if freshly dug would sound better?
like remnants of consumed poultry.
(I thought you might consider removing consumed, or replacing it with a word like chopped, or whatever. Because if the remnants were consumed, you wouldn't see them being wrenched around.)
Do you think they're getting close to solving the murder?
Excellent post!
Cheers,
DW
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2013
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I like your build up to the interview with Uncle Tony. He sounds like fun, being as tight as a fresh-dug clam. I wonder if freshly dug would sound better?
like remnants of consumed poultry.
(I thought you might consider removing consumed, or replacing it with a word like chopped, or whatever. Because if the remnants were consumed, you wouldn't see them being wrenched around.)
Do you think they're getting close to solving the murder?
Excellent post!
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 07-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2013
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Thanks for the great review, Donald. Yes, they are getting closer :0)
