Comment from WLHall

Excellent

Oh, my gosh! I can't believe this is happening. You have really set up a suspenseful chapter here. Extremely well written. I was so enthralled I didn't notice any spags. Probably none since it read so well and fast. I couldn't believe when I got to the end, it was the end because of the fast pace of the story. Great job!
Best Wishes,
Wanda

 Comment Written 14-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 15-Mar-2012

Thank you for the kind review.

Comment from purrfect tale

Excellent

Oh rats! Right at the most exciting part the chapter ends. I was holding my breath from the car ride home to the end. BTW - glad to see you in the middle of the week! Hope that means I only have to wait till the weekend to get the next chapter!

Notes:

Besides(,) I don't want to leave my car

At the third stoplight(,) a car pulled in front of Sam

Both the above are introductory elements, so they need the commas

Finally(,) she set Michael on the sidewalk() between her legs. - intro again. Comma not needed after sidewalk because the thought isn't complete

 Comment Written 14-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 15-Mar-2012

I have made the corrections. Thank you for your help. I honestly struggle with commas.

Comment from Gungalo

Excellent

Oh no! Trouble is happening and she is all alone. What will become of her; who is this man; what about Michael? Damn, so much mystery and intrigue this time. Jeezum crow.

 Comment Written 14-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 15-Mar-2012

Thank you for the kind review.

Comment from Rdfrdmom2

Excellent

barbara:

One day Anna might learn to listen to those who are used
to handling issues like this even though I do understand
her deep desire to stand on her own two feet. She has to
realize, however, she is fighting for more than herself,
her son, Michael, cannot take care of himself.

thanks for sharing
love,
jan

 Comment Written 14-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 15-Mar-2012

Thank you for the kind review.

Comment from CALLAHANMR

Excellent

1. Troy rubbed the back of his neck. "I see the petals on the Indian Blanket have turned bright red. My Indian princess has discovered her strength." He took out his cell phone. "I'm going to ask Sam to move closer. I hope you don't mind." {I noticed that Anna didn't seem to mind that Troy called her his 'Indian princess.' Is she finally accepting that they have a real relationship?}

2. "As long as I can continue working, Sam can be wherever he wants." Anna sat at her desk and watched Troy as he spoke with Sam. She smiled. I wonder if anybody else thinks it's strange a homeless disabled vet would have a cell phone. {A great observation.}

3. It wasn't long before Sam called Troy and had him meet him in the lobby. As the men stood in Anna's doorway, Sam took a sip of coffee and looked at Troy. "You can get to your paying job."
Troy glanced at his watch. "I guess I'd better." He grinned. "It helps when you're the boss."
Anna stood when Troy stepped behind the desk and accepted his hug. {More proof that Anna is now Troy's girl and she nolonger cares who knows.}

4. Sam put his hand in the small of her back. "While you were speaking with your boss, I spoke with Everett. He's checking with the man stationed outside the daycare." On the sidewalk, Sam shielded his eyes as he scanned the area. "I think I should drive you home. Too many things have happened." {Now things are getting tense.}

5. Anna pulled off the road and dialed 911.
Should I see if I can help Sam or go to Paul's? Michael and I'll be safe there. Anna breathed deeply and wiped the tears rolling down her cheeks with the back of her hand. Sam said go home and lock the door. That's what I'll do. She glanced into the back seat at Michael and said, "I love you," before she pulled onto the road and continued home.{How could Anna think about going to Sam' aid. she should have gone to Paul's home, but no...}

6. After Anna shut the driver's door, she opened the backdoor and unfastened Michael's car seat. She held him and grabbed the diaper bag and briefcase, locked the door, shutting it with her hip. Anna rushed to the door; her hands full with baby, diaper bag, briefcase, and purse. She set the diaper bag and briefcase down to get the keys from her purse. Why didn't I keep hold of them? Finally she set Michael on the sidewalk, between her legs. "Don't move. I'll get the door open." She searched her purse for her keys. "Here they are."{I had a real sense of danger. You had Anna doing too many things.}

7. Anna slightly opened the door, then turned to pick up Michael, who had crawled about a foot way. A man rushed behind her and pushed her inside, slamming and locking the door. Now the sense of danger has become real. Will someone come to her aid or at least protect Michael? Perhaps the boy with the dogs.}

What a cliffhanger. Now the danger is real and I have to wait for the next post. Nor fair

I wish FanStory would let me give you all the stars you deserve for this post.

Love and Irish Hugs Now close your eyes and relax.

Roger

 Comment Written 14-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 15-Mar-2012

Thank you for the kindness and encouragemnet you show me. I really do appreciate it. As for your #6 point, isn't it true that mothers always try to make it in as few a trips as possible? My husband is always getting after me for it.

Comment from Dave M

Excellent

Barbara,

You've turned this story into an adventure. I figured something like this would happen.

I enjoyed this read and found one nit:

"Anna glanced in her right side mirror and saw Sam's car crashed [crash] into a tree. She screamed, "No!"

Dave

 Comment Written 14-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 15-Mar-2012

I had crash and another reviewer told me it had to be crashed. I will change it back. Thank you.

Comment from essence56

Excellent

You are such a wonderful writer. I just love sitting a reading your stories. They seem so real and the flow smooth and settle.I love how the characters roles and have picked my favorite. Thank you so much, you are the gest. I am truly your fan.

 Comment Written 14-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012

Thank you for the kind review.

Comment from Maureen's Pen

Excellent

Wow ok now it gets all dicey. This was well penned filled with worry for Anna's safety and Michaels.
Great chapter and now you have me on the edge of my seat.

Excellent work my friend. Can't wait for the next posting.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen

 Comment Written 14-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012

Thank you for the kind review.

Comment from Gert sherwood

Exceptional

My lat six Barb,
I knew I was saving for something special
You had me so uptight and now I'm worried.
Your closure for this chapter is terrifying.

One question was Anna happy that Michael wasn't eating
eating graham crackers?
Gert

 Comment Written 14-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012

Yes, because the dog bit Troy going for Michael's graham crackers. Thank you for the kind review and support.

Comment from judiverse

Excellent

You are great at keeping up the suspense. Just as the reader begins to think Anna is at last safe, new threats emerge. I like the way you bring the blanket in at the beginning. Very scary when little Michael is being used the hurt Anna. Very visual scene with Sam's car crashing. I don't think there would be any problem with Sam having a cell phone when he's supposed to be an undercover homeless guy. Don't they all have them? Very enjoyable. judi

 Comment Written 14-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012

Thank you for the kind review.