I Hereby Crown Thee ...
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "A Dream of Droll Dichotomy's Design"A collection of crowns of sonnets
74 total reviews
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi fleedleflump,
A good theme and a great rhythm in my humble opinion. The technicalities of poetry are a long way in my past, but this "Crown of Sonnets" seems to meet all the criteria and carries your dochotomies nicely.
Well done.
Patrick
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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Hi fleedleflump,
A good theme and a great rhythm in my humble opinion. The technicalities of poetry are a long way in my past, but this "Crown of Sonnets" seems to meet all the criteria and carries your dochotomies nicely.
Well done.
Patrick
Comment Written 14-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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Thank you, Patrick. I've had some great responses to this. I'm so happy you liked it :-).
Mike
Comment from peggles
I really enjoyed this poem it was brilliant to read
a really good story well presented
The poem has a nice flow
I enjoyed reading it
A truly compelling and powerful piece
well done
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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I really enjoyed this poem it was brilliant to read
a really good story well presented
The poem has a nice flow
I enjoyed reading it
A truly compelling and powerful piece
well done
Comment Written 14-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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Thank you, Peggles - what an amazing compliment :-). I'm so happy you enjoyed this piece.
Mike
Comment from Lastamen
The Bible uses the phrase of having the "pen of a ready writer". This is stated in Psalms 45:1. It means to have the appropriate words, at the appropriate time, and in the appropriate manner. This contest entry on the wonders and traumas of contrast is a demonstration of that expression.
Till the last amen
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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The Bible uses the phrase of having the "pen of a ready writer". This is stated in Psalms 45:1. It means to have the appropriate words, at the appropriate time, and in the appropriate manner. This contest entry on the wonders and traumas of contrast is a demonstration of that expression.
Till the last amen
Comment Written 14-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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Thank you so much for this awesome, encouraging review :-).
Mike
Comment from smudge
A marathon attempt to describe aspects of our society. I always prefer narratives for epic poetry. My favorite line is, "with aspiration's elevations fire."
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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A marathon attempt to describe aspects of our society. I always prefer narratives for epic poetry. My favorite line is, "with aspiration's elevations fire."
Comment Written 14-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Thank you, Smudge :-). I'm glad you enjoyed the journey.
Mike
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Your welcome
Comment from Amicus
Excellent poem...beautifully rhymed and rhythmic throughout with wonderful use of figurative language that carries the reader forward toward a sound and satisfying culmination in each stanza and in the poem as a whole.
What a neat accomplishment...be proud of this one!
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Excellent poem...beautifully rhymed and rhythmic throughout with wonderful use of figurative language that carries the reader forward toward a sound and satisfying culmination in each stanza and in the poem as a whole.
What a neat accomplishment...be proud of this one!
Comment Written 14-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Thank you, Amicus! I'm rapidly getting there, but I think it still needs a little tweaking. So glad you enjoyed it!
Mike
Comment from rashi kumar
This deserves to be called exceptional!
The rhyming is simply divine,
continued from the last para of one sonnet to the first para of the succeeding sonnet.
Beautifully written and with such a great flow!
I am reading a poem on FS after so many days and it was worth every shot!
Pleasure to read!!
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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This deserves to be called exceptional!
The rhyming is simply divine,
continued from the last para of one sonnet to the first para of the succeeding sonnet.
Beautifully written and with such a great flow!
I am reading a poem on FS after so many days and it was worth every shot!
Pleasure to read!!
Comment Written 14-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Thank you so much for your wonderful words and encouragement, Rashi :-). I'm so happy you enjoyed reading this piece, which came rushing out of me at great speed.
Mike
Comment from Dawn of Tomorrow
I applaud anyone who can pull one of these off. And then I see you have several in a book. Now I am impressed, LOL There is not many on site who can break down a poem as well as Rama just did for you, she has quite a few valid points. I don't really agree with her on the scantion of to when being used with into and unto, those words are actaully meant to scan with the hard count on the to, so not quite sure where she is coming from there but she did point out a number of other lines that are in need of repair to get them in proper meter. Overall with such a grand endeavor, you did a wonderful job and brought the poem full circle. Outstanding work, you have some great competition in that contest so I will wish you luck.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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I applaud anyone who can pull one of these off. And then I see you have several in a book. Now I am impressed, LOL There is not many on site who can break down a poem as well as Rama just did for you, she has quite a few valid points. I don't really agree with her on the scantion of to when being used with into and unto, those words are actaully meant to scan with the hard count on the to, so not quite sure where she is coming from there but she did point out a number of other lines that are in need of repair to get them in proper meter. Overall with such a grand endeavor, you did a wonderful job and brought the poem full circle. Outstanding work, you have some great competition in that contest so I will wish you luck.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Thank you, Dawn. Yeah, when I get some time in the morning I'll sit down with it and iron out the issues RD found. I'm with you on 'into' and 'unto', but if she stuck on the lines, perhaps there's something else I can do to improve them. This is still a first draft beyond sonnets I and II (except foe a quick typo scan when I posted), so I was expecting to do some work on it! So glad ypu enjoyed reading :-).
Mike
Comment from Shanev29
Well what can I say well done how to write a review
when no direction is needed even if it was I am probably not
The guy to give advise LOL..
Well done Bravo
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Well what can I say well done how to write a review
when no direction is needed even if it was I am probably not
The guy to give advise LOL..
Well done Bravo
Comment Written 14-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Thanks, mate - I really appreciate the encouragement :-).
Mike
Comment from TSPoet
Well I must say this is a well orchestrated play of words with rhyme and the twinting interludes of your reasoning is facinating
The image is also wonderful
TSPoet
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Well I must say this is a well orchestrated play of words with rhyme and the twinting interludes of your reasoning is facinating
The image is also wonderful
TSPoet
Comment Written 14-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Thank you, TS - I'm so glad you enjoyed this piece :-).
Mike
Comment from Eternal Muse
Mike,
I am lost for words. This Crown eclipsed everything I have read in poetry so far, your genius brings tears to my eyes, and what can I say, my friend? This is astounding...
From your flawless rhymes, meter, flow, to your heavenly metaphors and other poetic devices, this is masterpiece of the first water. There are dark highlights in this, but your Light comes through, and like Mozart's sun concertos, the light wins over darkness.
Oh, how brilliant were those:
If final wry soliloquies conform
to bind us in subservience to stars,
they tease us from the sky in which they swarm
and mock our words with glory from afar.
Our only freedom rests in passion's vent,
expression borne on streams of consciousness
to lap against what consciences prevent
from seeing light or understanding bliss
We only need remember, with the dusk
to batten down the hatches while the dark
invades with calculation and the husk
we shed with understanding, bright and stark,
that sometimes evil dwells behind the light;
in every sunrise lurks the lee of night.
Bravo, my friend. This is the Crown to remember, savor and cherish; and the doctrines to live by.
I am personally honored by this entry, which came late, but, like the brightest meteorite - ignited, excited, challenged, and put everything to right.
Y.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Mike,
I am lost for words. This Crown eclipsed everything I have read in poetry so far, your genius brings tears to my eyes, and what can I say, my friend? This is astounding...
From your flawless rhymes, meter, flow, to your heavenly metaphors and other poetic devices, this is masterpiece of the first water. There are dark highlights in this, but your Light comes through, and like Mozart's sun concertos, the light wins over darkness.
Oh, how brilliant were those:
If final wry soliloquies conform
to bind us in subservience to stars,
they tease us from the sky in which they swarm
and mock our words with glory from afar.
Our only freedom rests in passion's vent,
expression borne on streams of consciousness
to lap against what consciences prevent
from seeing light or understanding bliss
We only need remember, with the dusk
to batten down the hatches while the dark
invades with calculation and the husk
we shed with understanding, bright and stark,
that sometimes evil dwells behind the light;
in every sunrise lurks the lee of night.
Bravo, my friend. This is the Crown to remember, savor and cherish; and the doctrines to live by.
I am personally honored by this entry, which came late, but, like the brightest meteorite - ignited, excited, challenged, and put everything to right.
Y.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Thank you so much, Yelena :-). I'd been putting this off, wanting to devote a large amount of time to it, but in the end it came out in a big rush as I rode the train home.
You honour me with your amazing comments, and I'm so thankful to you for sponsoring the contest. Now I can sit back and enjoy reading the other entries :-).
Mike
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You are a genius my friend - to write THAT on a train. You never cease to amaze me.
