The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "A Late Night Talk"A family learns their father is a serial killer
38 total reviews
Comment from c_lucas
You've added to this chapter and it has made it a stronger chapter. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words. There is good imagery and descriptive scheme.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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You've added to this chapter and it has made it a stronger chapter. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words. There is good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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Thanks so much. I am glad you like the changes and continue to follow this story.
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You're welcome, Sasha. Charlie
Comment from Kathryn Varuzza
Excellent chapter.
Good explanations of the different types of serial killers and the different pathologies.
Good dialogue.
I like the descriptions.
Seems so real.
Great way to end the chapter as well.
One spag: 4th line first paragraph: It should be I
Great job.
Katie
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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Excellent chapter.
Good explanations of the different types of serial killers and the different pathologies.
Good dialogue.
I like the descriptions.
Seems so real.
Great way to end the chapter as well.
One spag: 4th line first paragraph: It should be I
Great job.
Katie
Comment Written 05-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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Thanks for catching the spag. I am very pleased you liked this one despite it length.
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You're welcome. The length was fine.
Katie
Comment from The Wood Work
And it just gets better. I am glad it does not take you a month to write a chapter, I don't think I could wait! Following are a few miner corrections. Good chapter.
(Iam) I am
(it's) It's one o'clock
("Sorry.) Sorry, give me a chance
(Ok.) Ok, you have my
('brain') ,"brain"
("Sorry.) Sorry, I don't mean to be
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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And it just gets better. I am glad it does not take you a month to write a chapter, I don't think I could wait! Following are a few miner corrections. Good chapter.
(Iam) I am
(it's) It's one o'clock
("Sorry.) Sorry, give me a chance
(Ok.) Ok, you have my
('brain') ,"brain"
("Sorry.) Sorry, I don't mean to be
Comment Written 05-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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I caught some of the spags, but not all. Thanks for catching them. I am pleased you liked this chapter. It is my plan to post two chapter a week.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Once again this is an excellent chapter. James' character is still developing and becoming even more interesting. I find mom a fascinating character also.
Giddy
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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Once again this is an excellent chapter. James' character is still developing and becoming even more interesting. I find mom a fascinating character also.
Giddy
Comment Written 05-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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Yes, Mom is beginning to stand up for herself, speak her mind, but she has more than twenty years of control to deal with. She will have her ups and downs, good days and bad. Glad you liked this chapter.
Comment from Narvik
Interesting character development, especially with the dialogue, both with the mother and brother.
A few minor suggestions:
I was going to make one, too." (don't need quotation marks)
Iam (I am)
everyday ("every day" when it's one wrod it means 'commonplace')
Both Charlie and I looked at each other ("Both' is redundant here. Not needed)
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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Interesting character development, especially with the dialogue, both with the mother and brother.
A few minor suggestions:
I was going to make one, too." (don't need quotation marks)
Iam (I am)
everyday ("every day" when it's one wrod it means 'commonplace')
Both Charlie and I looked at each other ("Both' is redundant here. Not needed)
Comment Written 05-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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Thanks for catching the spags. I'd love to say my poor little fingers were freezing and caused them, but that would be another lie. I am pleased you liked this one.
Comment from animatqua
I thoroughly endorse long chapters that hold my interest. This one did so with ease.
At this point I am seeing a lot of Dr. Spencer Reid (Criminal Minds) in this story. I don't take that as a `rip off', but as an ability to develop a specific character type.
You use of dialogue is a good technique for presenting the information the reader needs to know in this storyline, and you write it well.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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I thoroughly endorse long chapters that hold my interest. This one did so with ease.
At this point I am seeing a lot of Dr. Spencer Reid (Criminal Minds) in this story. I don't take that as a `rip off', but as an ability to develop a specific character type.
You use of dialogue is a good technique for presenting the information the reader needs to know in this storyline, and you write it well.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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I liked that show when I lived in the US but unfortunately we don't get it here in Mazatlan, Mexico. I am pleased you liked this chapter.
Comment from adewpearl
It found that curious - I found
but was a question - but it was
stumbled into the bedroom, and flopped - drop the comma
The room was dark, - add comma
Well, I am now - you had Iam
Come on, James - add comma for direct address
a smart ass, but I knew he envied - add comma
joint in the bathroom everyday - every day - as one word everyday is an adjective, like everyday clothes
we didn't have any Aunts or Uncles - aunts or uncles
An excellent conversation between Charlie and James that shows their relationship well and also offers the reader clear explanations
Do you watch Criminal Minds on television?
I didn't have any trouble with the chapter length - I do with lots of people's writing, but not yours :-) Brooke
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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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It found that curious - I found
but was a question - but it was
stumbled into the bedroom, and flopped - drop the comma
The room was dark, - add comma
Well, I am now - you had Iam
Come on, James - add comma for direct address
a smart ass, but I knew he envied - add comma
joint in the bathroom everyday - every day - as one word everyday is an adjective, like everyday clothes
we didn't have any Aunts or Uncles - aunts or uncles
An excellent conversation between Charlie and James that shows their relationship well and also offers the reader clear explanations
Do you watch Criminal Minds on television?
I didn't have any trouble with the chapter length - I do with lots of people's writing, but not yours :-) Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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Yes, I liked it but unfortunately we don't get it down here. I actually prefer forensic files, I just love all that technical stuff. I actually met Richard (or is it Robert) Ressler once after a conference in Seattle. Now there's the guy who invented the wheel!!! Thanks for catching the spags. I am glad you didn't find this one too long.
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Miranda likes the forensic files show too - Criminal Minds has a new character the past few weeks, a young woman whose dad was a serial killer - the episode where they introduced her made me think of James
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Despite my fascination with the criminal mind, I am not fond of blood or gore. I prefer to leave that to the imagination of the reader. I also like Autopsy (I do keep my eyes closed alot). I have always been almost obsessed whit the human mind trying to understand how one person turns to violence, another walks away and leads a relatively normal live, another ends up spending half the9ir life on a psychiatric ward, and other turn limps through life like a wounded puppy. I am always interested in the why. I can be sympathetic but must admit I must say I live by the rule, there may be a reason for a persons actions but that does not always qualify as an excuse. There is a fine line between the two but for me they are quite clear.
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I totally agree about the difference between reason and excuse - if everyone with troubles had a pass, we would have to find 80% of criminals not guilty, be they victims of abuse, prejudice, a harsh class society, etc, etc, etc. I think understanding should help us gear our prisons more toward rehabilitation and not revenge, but we really do need to punish people to deter other folks and lock up dangerous people for at least a while.
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My point exactly. I have a ruler
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My point exactly. I have a ruler I use. An abused child has an excuse for acting out, but once you come an adult or of an age of reason, it becomes a reason but no longer an excuse. Sounds harsh but there has to be a line drawn somewhere for the safety of society.
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I also marvel at the opposite end of the spectrum - what causes that occasional homeless child to become a Harvard graduate? What brings so many down will inspire and give superhuman internal strength to a few - the mind is one fascinating thing, Valerie.
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Even as a very young child I was fascinated by the differences between siblings that came from the same family, experienced similar events and yet turned out so very different. I am currently working on a true story about a friend that is helping a very, very, very poor family. A 30 yo abandoned mother of 6 children. They live in a one room house with no furniture and sleep on the floor. This friend is doing this anonymously and not for praise. One morning he got a phone call from one of the 5 y/o little boys saying thank you. In the sweetest voice he said, "Juanito, do you know what I did this morning? I ate corn flakes with milk for the first time! It was Sooooo good!" Then he said, last night my sisters and brother all prayed to God that you never die." Both Juanito and I cried tears of joy when he told me this. He doesn't want people to know what he is doing so I will have to change the names. But it is such a deeply moving story and one that I so desperately want to tell. Juanito was born very poor and worked at the age of 5 selling chicklets to buy clothes and pay for school. He believes in giving back now that he is so successful. I just love this man. Tomorrow I am going over to meet the woman and her children. I don't have much money but I want to buy the children something special. I am so excited I can hardly sit still.
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You've written about Juanito before and the scholarship to school - it is a touching story - I'm glad to hear you're going to share more :-)
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He helps a lot of people but this time he wants to remain anonymous. He doesn't feel comfortable with pats on the back, he just wants to help the family. Even his closest friends don't know. I am not sure why he feel comfortable telling me, I am pleased he does, but he is a shy guy and just likes helping people.
Comment from RebelRose
This is another great chapter.
Boy, that James is one stubborn fellow. When he makes up his mind to do something, there is no dealing with him. In this case, however, it is all for the good. He is just a kid but such a mature mind.
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reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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This is another great chapter.
Boy, that James is one stubborn fellow. When he makes up his mind to do something, there is no dealing with him. In this case, however, it is all for the good. He is just a kid but such a mature mind.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
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Yes, he is a determined and stubborn kid. I am glad you liked this one.
