Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "Chapter 9; part two"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
53 total reviews
Comment from Readywriter52
Leya sounds like she is getting well. Steven sounds better. They seem to enjoy teasing each other. I don't think she was afraid Steven would crawl into her window. I think she was afraid he wouldn't. The place they are going sounds great.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2010
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Leya sounds like she is getting well. Steven sounds better. They seem to enjoy teasing each other. I don't think she was afraid Steven would crawl into her window. I think she was afraid he wouldn't. The place they are going sounds great.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2010
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I think you're right. Leya wants Steven to crawl through the window. I can promise you they do get together and Steven walks through the door. Thank you for the review.
Comment from samandlancelot
I wish I had more to offer in this review, but this is the first chapter I've read.
admitted I'm attracted to you (add comma - indepencent clauses) and it wouldn't be fair to me
Patricia
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2010
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I wish I had more to offer in this review, but this is the first chapter I've read.
admitted I'm attracted to you (add comma - indepencent clauses) and it wouldn't be fair to me
Patricia
Comment Written 20-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your review and I will check that comma out.
Comment from RazberryBullet
That crochet bathing suit sounds like a killer!!! It's getting harder and harder for Steven to maintain his emotions :)
suggstion: The /window's>windows/ have security locks
Good job!
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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That crochet bathing suit sounds like a killer!!! It's getting harder and harder for Steven to maintain his emotions :)
suggstion: The /window's>windows/ have security locks
Good job!
Comment Written 20-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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Thank you for catching that. It's amazing how many people have read it and haven't caught it.
Comment from knowledge
You know we love you, Babe. You are a very talented writer. You keep your reader moving along turning pages.
Thank You My Friend,
Knowledge
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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You know we love you, Babe. You are a very talented writer. You keep your reader moving along turning pages.
Thank You My Friend,
Knowledge
Comment Written 20-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind words and continued support. I appreciate both.
Comment from empire76
Nice dialogue between Steven and Leya. Looks like they are getting comfortable around each other. Nothing much to add here.
- ...and the house [sets] on about ten acres.
I think that should be sits
Pretty short review today. (shocking, I know. LOL)
Cheers
Empi
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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Nice dialogue between Steven and Leya. Looks like they are getting comfortable around each other. Nothing much to add here.
- ...and the house [sets] on about ten acres.
I think that should be sits
Pretty short review today. (shocking, I know. LOL)
Cheers
Empi
Comment Written 20-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Rama Rao
Excellent.
The story is racing a and so is your prose.
The love between Steven and Leya is growing inch by inch.
However, I think it is odd to find a Major of the Task Force-Stephen, with a three day growth of stubble. Officers of the Armed Forces have a dress code and code of conduct which they maintain even after retirement. Believe you, me, I can make out a Marine Corps man even in a huge crowd.
Secondly, sets on about ten acres. Is it sits?
Looking forward to reading your next post.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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Excellent.
The story is racing a and so is your prose.
The love between Steven and Leya is growing inch by inch.
However, I think it is odd to find a Major of the Task Force-Stephen, with a three day growth of stubble. Officers of the Armed Forces have a dress code and code of conduct which they maintain even after retirement. Believe you, me, I can make out a Marine Corps man even in a huge crowd.
Secondly, sets on about ten acres. Is it sits?
Looking forward to reading your next post.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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Steven has been at the hospital for three days straight with supervisor Matt. They are a major task force team, and are much more lenient.
Comment from eliz100
This is well-written, as usual. I like the sweetness that is developing between Leya and Steven. I believe like this may be a calm before a storm, maybe?
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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This is well-written, as usual. I like the sweetness that is developing between Leya and Steven. I believe like this may be a calm before a storm, maybe?
Comment Written 20-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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Yes, a calm before the storm. Thank you for the review.
Comment from iamjoeyC
Hi Barbara,
This is another terrific read; it moved well and was easy to read.
I liked your description in the dialog the way you described a safe house was masterful.
This technique is one of the things that Charlie Lucas, and Bob Suneagle and been after me to work on. It's a lot easier to understand with excellent examples.
I'm curious do you have an outline and at the plant your story about; I only ask because I don't I just wrote from the seat of my pants. Which some of the senior members tell me is a definite no no. . . While other authors that I've read about do as I do shoot from the hip age G. Wells was one of those
I asked about the outline because I don't remember reading anything about the protagonist. I think are name was Peggy; please forgive me if I got the name wrong.
I mean having yellow fever is a traumatic thing; but you can't hate as a villain. Or is her father or one of his henchmen also the diabolical fiend the need to worry about.
You see these are the kinds of things to fly through my mind when I read the stories. All the different possibilities and questions as to what happens next run through my feeble mind.
When I'm, writing my own stuff; I stop to try and put them down, and notes or an outline for some reason they become valueless to me later on. I'm not sure if this is a right brain confusion issue on my part. When I start outlining or listing it feels totally uncreative and my well of inspiration dries up.
Joey C
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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Hi Barbara,
This is another terrific read; it moved well and was easy to read.
I liked your description in the dialog the way you described a safe house was masterful.
This technique is one of the things that Charlie Lucas, and Bob Suneagle and been after me to work on. It's a lot easier to understand with excellent examples.
I'm curious do you have an outline and at the plant your story about; I only ask because I don't I just wrote from the seat of my pants. Which some of the senior members tell me is a definite no no. . . While other authors that I've read about do as I do shoot from the hip age G. Wells was one of those
I asked about the outline because I don't remember reading anything about the protagonist. I think are name was Peggy; please forgive me if I got the name wrong.
I mean having yellow fever is a traumatic thing; but you can't hate as a villain. Or is her father or one of his henchmen also the diabolical fiend the need to worry about.
You see these are the kinds of things to fly through my mind when I read the stories. All the different possibilities and questions as to what happens next run through my feeble mind.
When I'm, writing my own stuff; I stop to try and put them down, and notes or an outline for some reason they become valueless to me later on. I'm not sure if this is a right brain confusion issue on my part. When I start outlining or listing it feels totally uncreative and my well of inspiration dries up.
Joey C
Comment Written 20-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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Some of your questions would have been answered if you followed from the beginning. Why I only did an outline at the safe house is because that is the subplot. This a romance, so the romance is always out front. The sub plots are a very minor part of the story only used to move the romance along. I needed it in there to later arrest Peggy.
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OK so most of the time you don't use an outline or per-plan your stores. you create on the fly? I am not judging but comparing methodology and trying to decide if I should move to a more planned approach as a couple of other guys have suggested, One told me he didn't like my story was well thought out. I am testing my per-conceived notions
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This prose was about 4 years ago and I have added and subtracted from it since. I don't do anything spur of the minute if that's what you mean. Every scene in my post has a purpose.
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no I was asking if you made an outline of the story and then wrote to fill in the details which is what I am told i should do.
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I'm sorry. I misunderstood. No I don't, but it takes me months to write a story. I've been working on one since Thanksgiving and am only on chapter three. I write, reread, then sit on it until I can visualize where I want it to go. I acutually have to see it in my mind before I can put it on paper. It runs like a movie in my brain until I get it on paper. The one I'm writing is about an abused wife.
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do you do much research or back ground stuff? some of the guys I read do months of research which is another reason the fantasy genre happen on my computer, its hard to dispute the bizarre working of my brain.
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Yes, I do. I would not say I do months of research. It's a romance, how much research can you do? But did research the drug cartels, etc. But for me my husband was military, for 23 years, and has been to Bogota to help fight the drug cartels and I have numerous friends whose husbands are special forces and have asked so many questions I drove the men crazy. So I mainly write from personal experiences. I get a kick out of people who tell me it's not possible, when I know for fact it happened.
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yes i understand ofter truth is stranger then fiction. Thanks for the in put I am just thinking about my next project though I still need to get Amagica put to bed, the story is written 180,000 words just need to learn how to edit it to completion. I am not paying 1500 bucks for a daydream from my silly brain
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Most novels that get published are 60,000 - 85,000. Might want to take a look at the length.
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my research say it depends on the genre and you are right most paperback cap out around 90K with avg of 250 to 300 words per page.
Amagica is going to need to be two books or more before I can get everything done and get her married off to her Prince, some of the first taste of romance comes in my next chapter I actually have three romantic line in this story Rainey and Tyrang, little Jon the Plagueknight and Felicity his wife although they cant have a happy ending in life because Jon is already dead, but Rainey ends up with the key to release him and of course Rainey sister and her right hand knight Stonefelow. plus Rainey does a lot of match making in the story she hooks up two other supporting players
so I guess my book is a Sci-Fi/Fantasy/Romance
Comment from L.lora
Barbara this is a very nice
addition to the story. You've
excellently crafted this as you
do with all your submissions. The
narratives are full of descriptions
while the dailogues catch up the reader
and don't let go. Romance is blooming,
or it seems. Looking forward to your
next post. no nits or spags. Lora
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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Barbara this is a very nice
addition to the story. You've
excellently crafted this as you
do with all your submissions. The
narratives are full of descriptions
while the dailogues catch up the reader
and don't let go. Romance is blooming,
or it seems. Looking forward to your
next post. no nits or spags. Lora
Comment Written 20-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Mengleoh67
I really love this story and it only continues to improve with each chapter. The characters are well developed and interact in a smooth natural way with exceptional dialogue. The storyline is strong and smooth with just the right combination of action and information. It could only be better if it were a finished print version that I could curl up on the sofa with
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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I really love this story and it only continues to improve with each chapter. The characters are well developed and interact in a smooth natural way with exceptional dialogue. The storyline is strong and smooth with just the right combination of action and information. It could only be better if it were a finished print version that I could curl up on the sofa with
Comment Written 20-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your very kind words. I appreciate them
