Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "Chapter 9; part 1"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
49 total reviews
Comment from Rama Rao
Excellent as usual.
I admire your writing. You've a way to keep the story moving at a fast pace. I like the way you write short and crisp sentences and keep the story moving. Your dialogue mechanics are equally good. It is like seeing a well dressed woman, with not a wrinkle in her dress and not a lock of hair out of place.
I'm glad this time you posted a bit more than the usual quota.
Awaiting further developments.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
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Excellent as usual.
I admire your writing. You've a way to keep the story moving at a fast pace. I like the way you write short and crisp sentences and keep the story moving. Your dialogue mechanics are equally good. It is like seeing a well dressed woman, with not a wrinkle in her dress and not a lock of hair out of place.
I'm glad this time you posted a bit more than the usual quota.
Awaiting further developments.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
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I only posted more because I couldn't figure out how to split it. Luckily none of my fans have complained. Thank you for your wonderful compliments.
Comment from Alaskastory
Chapter 9 moves the romance along, gets Leya on the road to recovery and tempts readers to think Peggy is up to something. It a very enjoyable read.
"You remember." Hits me as odd since the event would be hard to forget. Unless Matt means it sarcastically, you might consider deleting.
'He joked, "Think that's why she's so difficult?" Probably don't need this tag since that easily sounds like a joke.
I only mention these very small things for possible consideration. With or without changes, this piece is very well done.
Good job, Barbara.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
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Chapter 9 moves the romance along, gets Leya on the road to recovery and tempts readers to think Peggy is up to something. It a very enjoyable read.
"You remember." Hits me as odd since the event would be hard to forget. Unless Matt means it sarcastically, you might consider deleting.
'He joked, "Think that's why she's so difficult?" Probably don't need this tag since that easily sounds like a joke.
I only mention these very small things for possible consideration. With or without changes, this piece is very well done.
Good job, Barbara.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
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Thank you. I always consider all suggestions. I will go back and reread and see which way I like better. Thank you again.
Comment from Helen Tan
I like the conflicting interest in your story, a modern day Romeo and Juliet. No major SPAG spotted.
Dani snuck into the computer lab to repair it. When we discovered
I'm not sure about this one but thought I would mention it. Is there a past tense to "snuck"?
What do I do?
I know this is dialogue but somehow I feel "What should I do?" sounds more natural.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
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I like the conflicting interest in your story, a modern day Romeo and Juliet. No major SPAG spotted.
Dani snuck into the computer lab to repair it. When we discovered
I'm not sure about this one but thought I would mention it. Is there a past tense to "snuck"?
What do I do?
I know this is dialogue but somehow I feel "What should I do?" sounds more natural.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
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I thought snuck was the past tense to sneak or that's what my dictionary says. Is there something I am missing? I have questioned the second on myself everytime I read it and each time I change and then change it back the next time I read it. Thank you for your kind review.
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I thought the past tense of sneak is sneaked. I always thought "snuck" was more colloquial. Where's the English professor where we need one? I used "sneaked" in my micro fiction....I think I had better check the dictionary too. =D
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Let me know what your's says. Mine is Webster's College Dictionary. I have another one, but I would have to move to get it. It's an Oxford Dictionary. I have a torn tendon in my ankle, so I only move when necessary.
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I hope you get well soon. OK I've checked my Cambridge advance - for the record, "sneaked" is the past tense BUT for US "snuck" is acceptable.
Happy Valentines which also coincides this year with the first day of our Chinese New Year.
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Very true, I discussed Chinese New Year with my first graders last week.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! I want to see if Peggy sets upthe the safe house. Glad Leya is better.
Did spot any nits.
Roberta
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
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Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! I want to see if Peggy sets upthe the safe house. Glad Leya is better.
Did spot any nits.
Roberta
Comment Written 13-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
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I will try to post Monday, but I can't promise. I am off Monday and will see if I can get ready.
Comment from ifadha
very interesting.i couldn't wait to read it from the beginning. i do promise to tell u what i think when i finish my reading(from the beginning).
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
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very interesting.i couldn't wait to read it from the beginning. i do promise to tell u what i think when i finish my reading(from the beginning).
Comment Written 13-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I hope I don't disappoint you.
Comment from fictionwriter
Oh, this could get interesting. I hope that Peggy's not the leak, but that would make sense. Her hatred is obvious. Poor Leya. Great job.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
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Oh, this could get interesting. I hope that Peggy's not the leak, but that would make sense. Her hatred is obvious. Poor Leya. Great job.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Kellytr
Barbara, No problems about the length - I was so engrossed I didn't even notice until your notes.
Just wondering if you meant to put 'the' before 'nurse':
As nurse chased Matt and Ralph from Leya's room, Matt answered, "Holding her own, but she's still in danger."
A very interesting and gripping ending - with Peggy under suspicion. Looking forward to the next chapter. Kelly
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
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Barbara, No problems about the length - I was so engrossed I didn't even notice until your notes.
Just wondering if you meant to put 'the' before 'nurse':
As nurse chased Matt and Ralph from Leya's room, Matt answered, "Holding her own, but she's still in danger."
A very interesting and gripping ending - with Peggy under suspicion. Looking forward to the next chapter. Kelly
Comment Written 13-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
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Thank you for catching the missing the, darn I hate it when that happens.
Comment from Begin Again
Barbara
Romantic, touching and intriguing all at the same time...As usual, the story held my attention fro start to finish regardless of the length...I think Matt's catching on to Peggy. I hope so...
smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
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Barbara
Romantic, touching and intriguing all at the same time...As usual, the story held my attention fro start to finish regardless of the length...I think Matt's catching on to Peggy. I hope so...
smiles, Carol
Comment Written 13-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
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We shall see what happens as the plot thickens. Thank you for your continued support.
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
Another well written chapter that carries the story forward, with Leya starting to recover, and the task force all aware that Steven and Leya are in love.
Only problem I could spot was Peggy coming back into the picture. I don't think her re-emergence is explained in a justifiable way.
Juliette
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
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Another well written chapter that carries the story forward, with Leya starting to recover, and the task force all aware that Steven and Leya are in love.
Only problem I could spot was Peggy coming back into the picture. I don't think her re-emergence is explained in a justifiable way.
Juliette
Comment Written 13-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
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She is just searching for information. She found none, except Leya and Steven are getting closer and Matt is begining to she she's a bigger problem than he thought. More will be explained later.
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
A nice start and great narration.
After the doctor and nurse left Leya's room, Matt walked in and stood beside Steven. He placed his hand on Steven's shoulder and spoke in a low voice,..[ This depicts the beautiful tone on which the rest of the chapter follows]
Great one
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
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A nice start and great narration.
After the doctor and nurse left Leya's room, Matt walked in and stood beside Steven. He placed his hand on Steven's shoulder and spoke in a low voice,..[ This depicts the beautiful tone on which the rest of the chapter follows]
Great one
Comment Written 13-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind words.
