Buzzing for Action
She had a plan.......45 total reviews
Comment from RebelRose
What a comedy of errors. This is one of your best. I really like the humor and romance in this one not to mention the unexpected surprises. This story had everything.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
  |
What a comedy of errors. This is one of your best. I really like the humor and romance in this one not to mention the unexpected surprises. This story had everything.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
-
Patty,
There is just a bit of truth to this story ...a long long time ago...Thanks for the generous comments and awesome dusting of stars. You're the best! Smiles, Carol
-
A bit of truth? Now, you've peaked my curiosity, ha ha.
Comment from Cooper Watt
Begin Again,
Solid story. I liked it, and I laughed... Screaming, half-naked chicks running through a parking lot for no apparent reason sound good to me.
However, by my count, you're 6 words over the limit.
I found a section, for the sake of flash fiction, that is too wordy:
A few blocks away, she pulled into a parking lot surrounded by huge bushes and evergreens. A new plan formed.
She parked her car at the far edge of the lot, near the bushes. Clutching the outfit, she exited the car, verified she was alone, and disappeared into the thick foliage.
Try: (She pulled into a parking lot surrounded by small evergreens, and parked in a far corner. She had a new plan. She grabbed the outfit, got out of the car, and disappeared into the foliage.)
To me, this conveys the same thing, but instead of 51 words, does it in 35 words.
I hope this helps.
Good luck with the contest, my friend.
Sincerely, Coop.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
  |
Begin Again,
Solid story. I liked it, and I laughed... Screaming, half-naked chicks running through a parking lot for no apparent reason sound good to me.
However, by my count, you're 6 words over the limit.
I found a section, for the sake of flash fiction, that is too wordy:
A few blocks away, she pulled into a parking lot surrounded by huge bushes and evergreens. A new plan formed.
She parked her car at the far edge of the lot, near the bushes. Clutching the outfit, she exited the car, verified she was alone, and disappeared into the thick foliage.
Try: (She pulled into a parking lot surrounded by small evergreens, and parked in a far corner. She had a new plan. She grabbed the outfit, got out of the car, and disappeared into the foliage.)
To me, this conveys the same thing, but instead of 51 words, does it in 35 words.
I hope this helps.
Good luck with the contest, my friend.
Sincerely, Coop.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
-
Cooper,
Hmmmm..word says I'm under, but to be on the safe side I have eliminated a few more. Thanks for the suggestion...except small evergreens would never work..she needed enough to feel safe hiding in them. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Trybuck
Miscommunication can lead to a lot of problems but never thought it would lead to an innocent woman being naked in front of many people and a tv camera.
If I were to change anything it would be the repeated use of "her eyes flew open." I don't have any suggestion to replace one with so it's up to you to change or not. Of course that would be the case if I did have a suggestion.
Enjoyed your little story and was glad to see it a happy ending of sorts.
Well done, Buck
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
|
Miscommunication can lead to a lot of problems but never thought it would lead to an innocent woman being naked in front of many people and a tv camera.
If I were to change anything it would be the repeated use of "her eyes flew open." I don't have any suggestion to replace one with so it's up to you to change or not. Of course that would be the case if I did have a suggestion.
Enjoyed your little story and was glad to see it a happy ending of sorts.
Well done, Buck
Comment Written 13-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
-
Buck,
Great eye, my friend...Didn't catch the repeat myself...Changed the last one to heart raced instead. Thank you so much for the suggestions. Smiles, Carol
Comment from dmjones
Hi Carol, The imagery in this story is funny. I also felt sorry for her. A great little story with a good ending. It was enjoyable to read. Have a good day!
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
|
Hi Carol, The imagery in this story is funny. I also felt sorry for her. A great little story with a good ending. It was enjoyable to read. Have a good day!
Comment Written 13-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
-
Donna,
Long long ago, there might have been a smidgen of truth to this story...LOL Thanks for the generous comments and smiles..Carol
Comment from gypsycaravan
The evening news would have been hysterical and upped the station's ratings, for sure. I thoroughly enjoyed your well-written story and wish you great luck in the contest.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
|
The evening news would have been hysterical and upped the station's ratings, for sure. I thoroughly enjoyed your well-written story and wish you great luck in the contest.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
-
gypsy
Yes, I believe the chatter around the news room would have been hilarious as they viewed the footage...Thanks so much...Carol
Comment from BethShelby
This is a funny story with a happy ending. It caught my interest and held it as your stories always do. That is the sort of thing that would happen to me if I decided to change clothes outside. It reminds me of something that happened to a fried of mine once but that another story.
I enjoyed this one. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
|
This is a funny story with a happy ending. It caught my interest and held it as your stories always do. That is the sort of thing that would happen to me if I decided to change clothes outside. It reminds me of something that happened to a fried of mine once but that another story.
I enjoyed this one. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
-
Beth,
Actually, there is a bit of truth in this story...Thanks for enjoying the story and the generous comments. I appreciate you and your reviews very much. Carol
Comment from jadapenn
Oh, Carol, you do write the sweetest stories at times. You make my heart all mushy. Now that's romantic for you. But heck, she paid dearly for thinking otherwise. lol.
Lovely story, my friend. You have a heart of gold.
Best wishes for the contest. luv jada
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
|
Oh, Carol, you do write the sweetest stories at times. You make my heart all mushy. Now that's romantic for you. But heck, she paid dearly for thinking otherwise. lol.
Lovely story, my friend. You have a heart of gold.
Best wishes for the contest. luv jada
Comment Written 13-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
-
Jada.
Thanks for the smiles...there is even a bit of the truth written in this story...long ago memories I think. Thanks for the generous review. Carol
Comment from patmedium
Mrs Carol has done it again! What a cracking good story. Flows wonderfully well from start to stop. I have chuckled my head off. Thankyou. Pat.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
|
Mrs Carol has done it again! What a cracking good story. Flows wonderfully well from start to stop. I have chuckled my head off. Thankyou. Pat.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
-
Pat,
The news would have had a field day with that footage, huh? Thanks for the great review. Smiles, Carol
-
Would have been shown over here, as well! Pat
Comment from misscookie
Oh this is the sweetest on yet, I have read. thats what I call the best plans of mice and men
I thought this was very cute. even though the bees got in to the surprise
i thought this was very clever.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
|
Oh this is the sweetest on yet, I have read. thats what I call the best plans of mice and men
I thought this was very cute. even though the bees got in to the surprise
i thought this was very clever.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
-
Cookie,
There just might be a bit of truth to this story as well. Minus the bees....Thanks for the review. Carol
-
Here we go again I went through something like this with my husaband it wasn't on Valentines Day.
Comment from c_lucas
Misunderstandings can be embarassing at times. This is a very well written story with a humorous overtone. It has a smooth flow of words. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
|
Misunderstandings can be embarassing at times. This is a very well written story with a humorous overtone. It has a smooth flow of words. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010
-
Charlie,
Thanks for the wonderful and generous review. I appreciate your thoughts as usual. Carol
-
You're welcome, Carol. Charlie
