Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Chapter 6; part 3"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
48 total reviews
Comment from jadapenn
Hi Barbara, pity I already gave you two sixers as this chapter really deserves it. Eddy wont allow another one. So much conflict and emotion. Peggy is a real jealous bully. I'm glad Steven straightened her out. Now where's he off to?
I discovered a kind, sensitive side to Leya. Seems she is having a tough time at the moment.
Well written. Luv jada
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2009
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Hi Barbara, pity I already gave you two sixers as this chapter really deserves it. Eddy wont allow another one. So much conflict and emotion. Peggy is a real jealous bully. I'm glad Steven straightened her out. Now where's he off to?
I discovered a kind, sensitive side to Leya. Seems she is having a tough time at the moment.
Well written. Luv jada
Comment Written 22-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2009
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Thank you for the review and the virtual 6. It means a lot to me.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
i can't wait to find out how this is going to end. how many more chapters are you going to write--i want to know who's going to get the guy and if one of the women is a spy for the other side
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2009
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i can't wait to find out how this is going to end. how many more chapters are you going to write--i want to know who's going to get the guy and if one of the women is a spy for the other side
Comment Written 22-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2009
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This manuscript is complete. It has about 188 pages to go. I think you will be surprised by the ending, but it will be a rough ride. Thank you for the review.
Comment from Allezw2
Lady barbara_wilkie,
There is definitely a lot of sniping at each other going on between Peggy and Steven.
I believe it overreaches to the point of pettiness. A reader might well wonder about their professional qualifications, and question what screening they went through, especially psychiatric screening, before hiring.
Are the suspected, possible, devices sophisticated enough to be concealable in routinely worn jewelry and still have the ability to transmit over long distances?
FYI: Apropos of little, your [single chip diamonds] are characterized as "single cut diamonds" in the trade.
This is a puzzling work. I need to find more background from the earlier chapters to truly evaluate the character development.
For now, the theme is consistent through these last two chapters. It will be interesting to see how these characters progress in their seemingly antagonistic relations.
Fantasist
Fantasist
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2009
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Lady barbara_wilkie,
There is definitely a lot of sniping at each other going on between Peggy and Steven.
I believe it overreaches to the point of pettiness. A reader might well wonder about their professional qualifications, and question what screening they went through, especially psychiatric screening, before hiring.
Are the suspected, possible, devices sophisticated enough to be concealable in routinely worn jewelry and still have the ability to transmit over long distances?
FYI: Apropos of little, your [single chip diamonds] are characterized as "single cut diamonds" in the trade.
This is a puzzling work. I need to find more background from the earlier chapters to truly evaluate the character development.
For now, the theme is consistent through these last two chapters. It will be interesting to see how these characters progress in their seemingly antagonistic relations.
Fantasist
Fantasist
Comment Written 22-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind works.
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You're welcome.
Comment from fionageorge
This is a well written chapter, with use of really great dialogue. The story progresses at a good rate, and the dialogue also assist to move the story along.
The interaction between Steven and Peggy, as well as that between Steven and Leya is particularly good, and believable.
I enjoyed this chapter, keep writing.
Warmest regards
Marijke
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2009
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This is a well written chapter, with use of really great dialogue. The story progresses at a good rate, and the dialogue also assist to move the story along.
The interaction between Steven and Peggy, as well as that between Steven and Leya is particularly good, and believable.
I enjoyed this chapter, keep writing.
Warmest regards
Marijke
Comment Written 22-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from victortouche
Good enough for me. I'm interested. Is there another reason to write a story? Loved the snottiness of Peggy. Loved the typical nonrecognition by males when they're being played.(Steven) And the spoiled brat was wonderfully obnoxious.
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2009
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Good enough for me. I'm interested. Is there another reason to write a story? Loved the snottiness of Peggy. Loved the typical nonrecognition by males when they're being played.(Steven) And the spoiled brat was wonderfully obnoxious.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words. No, there isn't any other reason to write romance novels, other than for the enjoyment.
Comment from Readywriter52
Peggy is really being petulant. She seems determined to put herself between Leya and Steven. He is irritated with her. If she doesn't back down, she might lose her job because she is acting very unprofessional.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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Peggy is really being petulant. She seems determined to put herself between Leya and Steven. He is irritated with her. If she doesn't back down, she might lose her job because she is acting very unprofessional.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate you continued support.
Comment from anabelle
Good chapter. Is Peggy in love with Steven, then? Is that why she's being such a pain? Or, does she have reasons to suspect Leya, once I haven't read about yet?
Well done.
The best to you over the holiday season.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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Good chapter. Is Peggy in love with Steven, then? Is that why she's being such a pain? Or, does she have reasons to suspect Leya, once I haven't read about yet?
Well done.
The best to you over the holiday season.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 21-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review. All will be revealed before the manuscript ends.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
Peggy's pettiness will surely bring her down, and she doesn't seem smart enough to interest Steven. Leya does.
I enjoyed this read and have a couple of suggestions:
In your additional BACKGROUND: "and Peggy witnesses Steven suggestion she returns." I don't understand this fragment.
"There's a full carat of diamond chips surrounding that large (you could use a comma here) dark green emerald stone."
"They agreed it was extreme suspecting [to suspect] Leya of bugging her jewelry." Another possible fix would be, "They agreed that suspecting Leya of bugging her jewelry was extreme."
Dave
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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Barbara,
Peggy's pettiness will surely bring her down, and she doesn't seem smart enough to interest Steven. Leya does.
I enjoyed this read and have a couple of suggestions:
In your additional BACKGROUND: "and Peggy witnesses Steven suggestion she returns." I don't understand this fragment.
"There's a full carat of diamond chips surrounding that large (you could use a comma here) dark green emerald stone."
"They agreed it was extreme suspecting [to suspect] Leya of bugging her jewelry." Another possible fix would be, "They agreed that suspecting Leya of bugging her jewelry was extreme."
Dave
Comment Written 21-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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Thank you for catching those and for your review. I am off to review your latest post, right now.
Comment from RazberryBullet
Penny is getting to be something of a bother. I understand why she does it, but it's ugly. ex: "Why can't you put it on when you go to town, there's no need to wear it at the safe house?"..."We'll discuss the fact that I'm your supervisor when I return.
Suggestions: He walked away, as a grin erupted across his lips> as his lips stretched in a grin (I don't think a grin can 'erupt')...He stood by the door and fingered the band. /This won't do. >This wouldn't do./
Good job!
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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Penny is getting to be something of a bother. I understand why she does it, but it's ugly. ex: "Why can't you put it on when you go to town, there's no need to wear it at the safe house?"..."We'll discuss the fact that I'm your supervisor when I return.
Suggestions: He walked away, as a grin erupted across his lips> as his lips stretched in a grin (I don't think a grin can 'erupt')...He stood by the door and fingered the band. /This won't do. >This wouldn't do./
Good job!
Comment Written 21-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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Thank you and I will recheck both areas. I appreciate your review and suggestions.
Comment from L.lora
Dynamite write Barbara.
Your storyline remains
strong and tight and your
follow through is spot on.
The dialogues while delicious
blend well with the narrative.
Excellent writing,hope we get
more soon. LOL...most enjoyable
and serves Peggy right... Lora
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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Dynamite write Barbara.
Your storyline remains
strong and tight and your
follow through is spot on.
The dialogues while delicious
blend well with the narrative.
Excellent writing,hope we get
more soon. LOL...most enjoyable
and serves Peggy right... Lora
Comment Written 21-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words.