Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Chapter 2 Part 5"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
37 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
injected with HEROINE should be HEROIN
You sure build up suspense here as we wonder how much this woman is the baby's savior and how much she is more/worse than she seems to be - I'm sure dying to find out! Brooke
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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injected with HEROINE should be HEROIN
You sure build up suspense here as we wonder how much this woman is the baby's savior and how much she is more/worse than she seems to be - I'm sure dying to find out! Brooke
Comment Written 27-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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I can't believe I made that error. I hope you enjoy the ride. It's interesting and rocky.
Comment from Arkine
That could be a major whoops on their part. She shouldn't have seen him or Geoff for security reasons. Steven really needs to watch those hormones. Nice chapter, didn't see any errors. :)
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2009
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That could be a major whoops on their part. She shouldn't have seen him or Geoff for security reasons. Steven really needs to watch those hormones. Nice chapter, didn't see any errors. :)
Comment Written 27-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from nora arjuna
Hi Barbara, this is a really short chapter. I feel things are a bit rushed. Maybe insert some narration. Give us more 'feel' of the surroundings.
At the landing pad, he saw Eric step down. "What happened?" - suggest put this in new para - a different scene.
"I'm Leya Maria Santiago Vegas[. Who] are you?"
As the two men walked to the helicopter, - maybe this better be in a new para too.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2009
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Hi Barbara, this is a really short chapter. I feel things are a bit rushed. Maybe insert some narration. Give us more 'feel' of the surroundings.
At the landing pad, he saw Eric step down. "What happened?" - suggest put this in new para - a different scene.
"I'm Leya Maria Santiago Vegas[. Who] are you?"
As the two men walked to the helicopter, - maybe this better be in a new para too.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2009
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This entire chapter is over 20 pages long, so I hate to make it any longer. Thank you. I'll take care of it.
Comment from L.lora
Barbara this is great, the flow fits with the rest of your preceeding installments, the dialogue is spot on and the way you introduced a new character was done with ease. Everything is moving in an orderly fashion/ realistic. No nits..Lora
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2009
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Barbara this is great, the flow fits with the rest of your preceeding installments, the dialogue is spot on and the way you introduced a new character was done with ease. Everything is moving in an orderly fashion/ realistic. No nits..Lora
Comment Written 27-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your continued support.
Comment from Belinda
This chapter is okay, Barbara. Only a bit short, I think. I don't understand how you divide your chapters, though. What do you mean by chapter and part here? "Chapter 8: Chapter 2 Part 5" As I just followed your work for 8 chapters like this one, do I miss chapter 2 or part 5?
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2009
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This chapter is okay, Barbara. Only a bit short, I think. I don't understand how you divide your chapters, though. What do you mean by chapter and part here? "Chapter 8: Chapter 2 Part 5" As I just followed your work for 8 chapters like this one, do I miss chapter 2 or part 5?
Comment Written 27-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2009
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Because on FS when I go to make corrections in my manuscript, I need to have some reference where I'm at. In my manuscript, I just finished chapter 2. There's no way to indicate that on FS and if I posted a 22 page chapter on FS nobody would read it.
Comment from darkgreennights
Oh Steven I would make you so much happier than...oh sorry Barb, forgot I was reviewing, well first let me say that if you ever cut me off in the middle of a chapter again, I'll sick the wolves on you. Its just good my friend. I havent told you this but I DONT read romance, you and Reggie are my sole exceptions, and thats because of your writing now with all due respect FINISH THE CHAPTER OR YOU ARE DEAD!
love
kathleen
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2009
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Oh Steven I would make you so much happier than...oh sorry Barb, forgot I was reviewing, well first let me say that if you ever cut me off in the middle of a chapter again, I'll sick the wolves on you. Its just good my friend. I havent told you this but I DONT read romance, you and Reggie are my sole exceptions, and thats because of your writing now with all due respect FINISH THE CHAPTER OR YOU ARE DEAD!
love
kathleen
Comment Written 27-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2009
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I will not finish a chapter because I want you to keep coming back. Really chapter 2 is twenty pages long. I can't post something that long on FS, so I break it up. What till you see what happens for my next break, poor STeven???
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but uhm could he be naked while I was pitying him, pretty please with sugar on top?
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Just wait. He may need you!!!
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I'm going lingerie shopping just in case, wish I had a home liposuction machine dammit
Comment from Joan E.
I think all the readers must agree with Steven that Leya is up to something. (Two paragraphs from the bottom, I think "watch" needs to be in the past tense--an alternate verb would be even better, since you begin the sentence with "watching.") The possibility of a "security breech" is a good touch.
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reply by the author on 27-Aug-2009
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I think all the readers must agree with Steven that Leya is up to something. (Two paragraphs from the bottom, I think "watch" needs to be in the past tense--an alternate verb would be even better, since you begin the sentence with "watching.") The possibility of a "security breech" is a good touch.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2009
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I'll recheck it. Thank you for your review.