Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Chapter 2 Part 3"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
36 total reviews
Comment from Mariea
Another good chapter Barbara. Characters consistent. Dialogue well eveloped. No 'clutter' or 'flat spots.
Line starting - on the light blue, delete 'of the'
Enjoy your day - regards Mia
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
  |
Another good chapter Barbara. Characters consistent. Dialogue well eveloped. No 'clutter' or 'flat spots.
Line starting - on the light blue, delete 'of the'
Enjoy your day - regards Mia
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
-
I already go it. Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from c_lucas
This is a very well written chapter. I have one suggestion. Be careful of making Leya and Steven similar to the relationship between Dani and Matt.
"I'd like to see of the rest of that (the rest of)
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
|
This is a very well written chapter. I have one suggestion. Be careful of making Leya and Steven similar to the relationship between Dani and Matt.
"I'd like to see of the rest of that (the rest of)
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
-
I have that taken care of the of.. Oh, no, Leya is a hot little number, they are totally different. Thank you for your continued support.
-
You're welcome, Barbara. Charlie
Comment from fictionwriter
Oh the poor guy. He's being tortured by her and I think she knows it. This is another really good chapter. I don't mind the spanish in it. Well done.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
|
Oh the poor guy. He's being tortured by her and I think she knows it. This is another really good chapter. I don't mind the spanish in it. Well done.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
-
Thank you. Yes, she does know it. I'm glad you caught that. I was hoping it came through. We will see backfire later. I appreciate your support.
Comment from Summer Falls
Adjusted the lump--lmao. Yeah, how old am I? I cracked up on that line.
Okay, I will try to keep from focusing on the vision of his bulge and give a review. Naw, I'll focus WHILE giving the review. :)
I could see lump man smiling while telling his men not to look conspicuous in a dress shop. His eyes must have bulged [along with his ahem} when she showed him the thongs--and when he was looking down her skirt. Bad bulge; bad lump man!
This was well written and I only detected one lump--I mean error. It was tiny. (The error was tiny that is. My imagination tells me the bulge wasn't)
Here it is--the error, not the visual. lol
He point to an area [pointed]
Okay, that said, the rest flowed nicely. Hot mama and bulgy lump man should quit arguing and get down.
hehe.
Summer
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
|
Adjusted the lump--lmao. Yeah, how old am I? I cracked up on that line.
Okay, I will try to keep from focusing on the vision of his bulge and give a review. Naw, I'll focus WHILE giving the review. :)
I could see lump man smiling while telling his men not to look conspicuous in a dress shop. His eyes must have bulged [along with his ahem} when she showed him the thongs--and when he was looking down her skirt. Bad bulge; bad lump man!
This was well written and I only detected one lump--I mean error. It was tiny. (The error was tiny that is. My imagination tells me the bulge wasn't)
Here it is--the error, not the visual. lol
He point to an area [pointed]
Okay, that said, the rest flowed nicely. Hot mama and bulgy lump man should quit arguing and get down.
hehe.
Summer
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
-
I already caught the pointed. Now, exactly what was pointing or pointed. Hey, I've missed you. Charlie told you have something to celebrate. Great job on you Quality seal. I am so jealous. I ended up not trying because of the errors in my chapter numbers. I was told they are extremely picky. So I gave up.
-
Shhhh....they haven't told the site yet. lmao.
Come over and celebrate with me.
Oh, and fix the chapters/combine them, whatever. But, go for it. Your stuff is stellar.
Sum
-
I tried to combine the chapters but I couldn't because I was told it would mess up the reviews.
-
Dangit, couldn't you just put in an author note in the blank one saying please see chapter so and so it has been combined with chapter so and so....lmao? Okay, that made no sense at all, so I am sure you understood.
-
I got it perfectly. Isn't that scary?
-
It is...and I knew you would. LMAO
Comment from adewpearl
He point to an area around the petite section should be pointed
You do a great job of showing how this professional man can't help himself from having sexual fantasies about the woman he is guarding no matter how hard he tries to fight his lustful feelings back - I can tell he wants to do his best to protect the witness, but at the same time, it ain't easy. LOL
Well written! Brooke
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
|
He point to an area around the petite section should be pointed
You do a great job of showing how this professional man can't help himself from having sexual fantasies about the woman he is guarding no matter how hard he tries to fight his lustful feelings back - I can tell he wants to do his best to protect the witness, but at the same time, it ain't easy. LOL
Well written! Brooke
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
-
I'm glad you caught that and I will take care of the pointed. I hate it when I miss things like that. You're great.
Comment from rmdelta
barbara,
this was really a great chapter, my friend. As always, your dialogue was the strength and the excellent descriptives carried us through the story quite smoothly.
/well done.
Reggie
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
|
barbara,
this was really a great chapter, my friend. As always, your dialogue was the strength and the excellent descriptives carried us through the story quite smoothly.
/well done.
Reggie
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
-
Thank you. I barely got it posted. You're fast. Your reviews mean a lot to me. Thank you.
