Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Chapter 1 Part 1"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
50 total reviews
Comment from Sarabran
It looks like you are laying the groundwork for an exciting story.I enjoyed reading it and will be back to read the next chapter that you post. Sarabran
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2009
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It looks like you are laying the groundwork for an exciting story.I enjoyed reading it and will be back to read the next chapter that you post. Sarabran
Comment Written 01-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review and I hope I don't let you down.
Comment from Phil Kitom
Good start to this book with lots happening
it doe seem to take your breath away trying
to keep up with everyone, maybe it could do
with concentrating more on the central
characters.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2009
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Good start to this book with lots happening
it doe seem to take your breath away trying
to keep up with everyone, maybe it could do
with concentrating more on the central
characters.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Arkine
Well, I don't think there is much that needs to be changed. Maybe a little more description of rooms/hallways/the baby...stuff like that would draw the reader into the story more.
Other than that it read well. Interesting start. Joe shouldn't have left the room.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2009
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Well, I don't think there is much that needs to be changed. Maybe a little more description of rooms/hallways/the baby...stuff like that would draw the reader into the story more.
Other than that it read well. Interesting start. Joe shouldn't have left the room.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2009
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Thank you for the review. I will recheck everything.
Comment from Laidy
wow! this was exhilarating to read! No lie. i just had my son, and the feeling is just like that, like there's something pulling your whole heart out. A mother knows, no matter if she is not right by her baby right then. great write! i will bookcase!
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2009
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wow! this was exhilarating to read! No lie. i just had my son, and the feeling is just like that, like there's something pulling your whole heart out. A mother knows, no matter if she is not right by her baby right then. great write! i will bookcase!
Comment Written 01-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2009
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Thank you, I appreciate your review. I hope I don't disappoint you.
Comment from samuelbrody
Very well done. I recognized the foundation and it moved along fine. This hospital scene came alive in my mind. Now that's good narrative. And the dialogue is first rate as it's comfortable and believable coming from each character. A touch of background, a little suspense with the hips and I think we have a winner. I like it. sb
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2009
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Very well done. I recognized the foundation and it moved along fine. This hospital scene came alive in my mind. Now that's good narrative. And the dialogue is first rate as it's comfortable and believable coming from each character. A touch of background, a little suspense with the hips and I think we have a winner. I like it. sb
Comment Written 01-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from eliz100
I beg to differ, there was enough action for me especially at the end. I am glad you are back with a sequel. I really enjoyed your other story.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2009
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I beg to differ, there was enough action for me especially at the end. I am glad you are back with a sequel. I really enjoyed your other story.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2009
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Thank you. I appreciate your kind words and your support.
Comment from darkgreennights
Dear Barbara, what a well written entertaining chapter. Eric is quite the hot character by the way. And your dialogue is sterling. I also liked your seque into the possible peace of the NICU and then left me for one wondering, is that baby there?
Kathleen
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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Dear Barbara, what a well written entertaining chapter. Eric is quite the hot character by the way. And your dialogue is sterling. I also liked your seque into the possible peace of the NICU and then left me for one wondering, is that baby there?
Kathleen
Comment Written 30-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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Thank you, I'm glad you liked the beginning.
Comment from steevo
This has potential to go places, but for a first chapter it could probably use a stronger hook in the first couple of paragraphs.
I had to read through it twice to figure out who the new father was, so it might give better structure to introduce Matt right up front.
I not sure any cocaine comes from Afghanistan.
Keep going--I want to see what happens with the undercover operation.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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This has potential to go places, but for a first chapter it could probably use a stronger hook in the first couple of paragraphs.
I had to read through it twice to figure out who the new father was, so it might give better structure to introduce Matt right up front.
I not sure any cocaine comes from Afghanistan.
Keep going--I want to see what happens with the undercover operation.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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Matt and Dani are left over from a previous book and are actually small characters in this book, except for their baby. Many of my followers wanted to hear how Matt and Dani were doing. A lot of cocaine actually does from Afghanistan, it's in the news often. This particular one doensn't.
Comment from ladybird
Seems like you have a very good first chapter. Personally, I don't think you always need to start a novel/story with action. Narrative text works as well, if not better sometimes.You have laid the intrigue. Why is Matt insistent that Danni is not left alone? An enjoyable read and, as you said, laying foundations and introducing characters.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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Seems like you have a very good first chapter. Personally, I don't think you always need to start a novel/story with action. Narrative text works as well, if not better sometimes.You have laid the intrigue. Why is Matt insistent that Danni is not left alone? An enjoyable read and, as you said, laying foundations and introducing characters.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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In my original beginning, Dani had already made a trip to the nursery, but I took it out, deciding it was too much. I left this part in just because Dani always get herself in trouble, especially in the first book and I wanted to carry her personality over.
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Oh, I see, husbandly concern, lol. Thank you for explaining.
Comment from L.lora
This sentence is unclear "I need to check on the number[of?] Peruvian visitors." like you stopped mid-thought. typo=""Matt will be her[e] in a few minutes." You're setting up your foundation nicely, time lapse/catch up is spot on and clear. Hunkering in for the ride, looks like it's going to be a good one. Don't worry about immeditate action in your scenes, just keep laying your background/foundation..you are rigt on target. Lora
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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This sentence is unclear "I need to check on the number[of?] Peruvian visitors." like you stopped mid-thought. typo=""Matt will be her[e] in a few minutes." You're setting up your foundation nicely, time lapse/catch up is spot on and clear. Hunkering in for the ride, looks like it's going to be a good one. Don't worry about immeditate action in your scenes, just keep laying your background/foundation..you are rigt on target. Lora
Comment Written 30-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
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Thank you for catching my little typos. No matter how often I go through it, I still miss things. I've already had a review that said I needed more action.
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I'm sorry someone is already saying you need more action. Yes, this is a sequel but dang you have to set the stage, you can't just go in blasting. EAHGADS! Sometimes people just amaze me... don't worry about it, your on the correct track, go with your gut... What you've done already feels right so I see no problem. Lora
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It felt right to me. I had someone else say I spent too much time with Matt and Dani. They will be pretty much out of the picture once Dani leaves the hospital. They are definitely in the back ground then. I felt people needed to know how they were doing.
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Like I said before, I think you are doing fine. Remember we always end up with a few that aren't particularly happy with our direction, just as long as we don't end up with a situation like the movie "Misery". You'll be fine. This is your story, your books, to thine own self be true, in that you will not go wrong. Lora
